Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be Livid re Dh's Speeding Fine, Stag Do & General Finances

27 replies

NotSoSpeedyGonzales · 20/03/2010 12:35

Okay, have name changed to avoid being outed in RL. Will try to provide all details as I want genuine opinions.

Dh is on a stag do today and tonight, back tomorrow. We are not flush at the minute but I made him go as it is his good friend. He was made redundent last month (searches for jobs daily) and I am on mat pay, hence his reluctance to go. We can afford it but will have to make cutbacks in other areas for a month or so. No problem.

Still with me?! A few months ago Dh was caught speeding and going too fast for fixed penalty. Fast forward to this morning when I recieve a letter from the courts stating the fine. A fucking fortune. Although it is deserved I am livid about it. Really really fucking angry. All I keep thinking about is what else that money could have been spent on. With 3 dc's inc a new baby and a new house, bigger mortgage etc the list is endless.

AIBU to be so angry I don't want to speak to him. I don't want to pay it but have no choice as he is out of work. I can't stop crying, I am so so angry.

Our marriage is good, we love each other very much and he is a great husband, dad and a lovely person. There are no underlying issues but I can feel the mother of all rows coming on about this.

OP posts:
TheHouseofMirth · 20/03/2010 12:43

I can imagine you're under a lot of stress about money (I know last year DH was made redundant when I was 9 months pregnant). How much was the fine and how fast was he going? I got a speeding fine recently for doing 37mph in a 30mh area and the fine was £60. It's money we can't afford and I actually think speeding is really wrong but sometimes on certain unfamiliar roads it can just kind of happen.

I guess it boils down to whether you think he made the kind of mistake anyone could or if he was being reckless.

Wigeon · 20/03/2010 12:44

Does he regret the speeding? Is he already cross with himself that it's cost you lots of money? Has he said he'll try to keep to the speedlimit from now on? If so, I don't see any reason to be cross with him (although obviously it's pretty bad if he was doing 100mph in a 30mph zone next to a school or something).

If he just thinks that speeding fines are a fact of life, and that it's just one of those things, and that he'll still drive like a maniac in future and risk future fines, then you might have grounds for Having a Serious Talk.

I also think there isn't a link between the expense of the stag do and the expense of the speeding fine - I presume it's not as if he hadn't gone on the stag do, and incurred that expense, you wouldn't mind the expense of the fine!

Wigeon · 20/03/2010 12:47

I should probably add for the sake of transparency that like TheHouseofMirth, I was - to my horror - recently fined for speeding - think it was 43mph in a 30mph zone, late at night (no other cars or pedestrians at all, not near a residential area) and I thought it was 40mph. First (and I hope last) ever speeding fine.

Really cross with myself as I could also think of all the other things I could have spent the money on, and I also consider myself to be anti-speeding! But I accept it was totally my fault and am trying really hard to keep to the limit now.

Would have been pretty upset if DH had been cross, considering that I am already really annoyed with myself, and am taking action to avoid it happening again in future.

jumpyjan · 20/03/2010 12:48

I think the part about the stag do is irrelevant (unless you resent the money he has spent on that - which you say you do not).

I do not think yabu to be angry about your DH speeding. It sounds as though you already knew he got caught for speeding and it was just today that you found out how much the fine was. If that is the case presumably you already 'had it out with him' when you he told you he got caught for speeding so rowing about the cost of the fine is kind of going over old ground is it not?

I think if he thinks you are angry with him/not speaking to him he will think it is because of the stag do.

I think it is a bit worrying the way you say 'I don't want to pay it but have to becuase he is out of work' - surely the money you have coming in is household income/shared money and not your money or his money?

I feel sorry for you as it is awful worrying about money but it sounds like it would be futile to row about it.

diddl · 20/03/2010 12:50

I´d be furious too, although it doesn´t achieve anything unfortunately.

It´s such a waste of money.
Can he pay in instalments?

I think the issue here is that he was going too fast for a fixed penalty-so not a bit over & didn´t notice kind of thing?

Original poster
NotSoSpeedyGonzales · 20/03/2010 12:57

Thanks for the replies.

It is a lot more that the £60 standard fine. In fact x 10 and you would be close

I didn't resent the money for the stag do but now I have seen the fine I am a bit pissed off iyswim.

We do have joint money for the house etc but also have our own. I prefer it like this tbh. I don't mention it when I buy shoes, he doesn't mention it when he buys fishing equipment. I also put some of my money away into a savings account.

He is very sorry and I know he feels awful but I guess i'm so upset because it was such a stupid thing to do and now we all have to suffer the financial punishment.

OP posts:
Wigeon · 20/03/2010 13:03

Oh my goodness - that's some fine! How fast was he going? Is calculated according to income?

Original poster
NotSoSpeedyGonzales · 20/03/2010 13:06

It was far too fast, already had words about that!

I don't know how they calculate the fine. I work in the NHS so not rolling in it

OP posts:
Emmmmmaa · 20/03/2010 14:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lougla · 20/03/2010 14:52

I thought the fine was still a fixed fine, but just went up and up if it wasn't paid on time, etc.? Was it just a fine or did he get points too?

GypsyMoth · 20/03/2010 14:57

for a fine of that amount then he will surely have got a ban also?

is there a reference next to it?

Original poster
NotSoSpeedyGonzales · 20/03/2010 15:04

Sorry late response. Been having a cuppa with mil!

He is sorry. He's never had a speeding fine or anything before and has stuck to the limit since. He knows how stupid he was.

It was just the fine that came in todays post, I would expect points too but do they get sent separately?

Lougla - the amount was set by the courts, it wasn't a fixed penalty notice.

OP posts:
Quink · 20/03/2010 15:07

I imagine the fine was based on his income at the time of incident. The multiplier of his income is based on how much faster he was going than the speed limit. I'm guessing it was quite a lot more!

You could always ask to go back to court to arrange repayment over a period of time rather than all at once, if that helps. You've got changed circumstances, so i'd have thought that wouldn't be a problem. (I'm a magistrate btw!)

LleytonsMummy · 20/03/2010 15:08

If I recall you can write to the courts, stating your Dh has been redundent , money is tight maybe include a balance cheet and they should be able to ask you to make payments monthly to help spread the cost.
When I was 18 I didn't pay my speeding fine... straight away ( doh!) it went to court and I think my fine double.. I wrote to the court asking to spread the cost as I was a student and they helped me alot.

hth x

Quink · 20/03/2010 15:09

X-post.

If it was in my area (it does vary a bit) he'd get a big fine AND points OR a short disqualification. I would have thought it would be on the same letter though...have they asked him to send in his licence for the endorsement?

SuSylvester · 20/03/2010 15:10

he can ringt he court and appeal

if he didnt accept the FP is goes to court
he will have costs etc
they presume and ave income of ooh.. is it £350 per week

hmm cant advise you any more online
cat me if you want

Original poster
NotSoSpeedyGonzales · 20/03/2010 15:14

Threeblondboys - there is an account number and a case number but no reference. It just states the offence and dates etc, the fine and details on how to pay.

OP posts:
Original poster
NotSoSpeedyGonzales · 20/03/2010 15:20

Thank you so much everyone. I appreciate all this good advice.

We wrote on the court paper about change in circumstance and that I am only on mat pay.

Quink - there is nothing about points or ban on this letter. Is it normal to send them seperate?

His licence is still with the dvla as we have just moved house.

SuSylvester thank you but am not sure I can cat.

OP posts:
SuSylvester · 20/03/2010 15:31

you haev been sent a summons?
you can plead by post.
giev a good reason for why youdidnt accept FP

say that money is tight.
grovel.
etc
follow up posting of letter wiht call to court office a few days later but not too late

SuSylvester · 20/03/2010 15:32

was he tried in abscence

read the letter properly!

Original poster
NotSoSpeedyGonzales · 20/03/2010 15:36

Su - we had the summons and pleaded guity by post. He also sent a letter of apology and provided details and proofs of our incomings and outgoings. What is fp?

How likely is it to be a ban instead of points?

OP posts:
SuSylvester · 20/03/2010 15:37

and oyu haev had the verdict back?
fp is fixed penalty

sorry have re read OP

SuSylvester · 20/03/2010 15:37

is it £700 or thereabouts?

SuSylvester · 20/03/2010 15:38

the max for road traffic is £1k
so minus 1/3 for a guilty plea is about that

i have heard of peopel ringing up and getting them reassessed.
almost always works if there is a good reason.
you can also ask to pay in installments

Original poster
NotSoSpeedyGonzales · 20/03/2010 15:39

Just had letter this morn from the courts saying fine. Its 585 inc costs. No mention of points or anything else although I do not doubt that there will be points or ban

OP posts: