Should my husband have bought me something for Mother's Day?

[Pengimum]

He did not get me a thing - not even a card not even a cup of tea in bed? His charming response was "well you're not my mother".

No, I don't think he should have, necessarily, as he is right you are not his mother.

Though presumably you are the mother of his child(ren) and he/she/they are too young to do something for you themselves.

In which case, it is natural you would like your role as their mother acknowledged, though ime men don't think of these things unless nudged. When my children were little, I remember dh bought cards for them to give me, but I am sure that was only because I dropped heavy hints about it for a couple of weeks beforehand.

there's always next year, don't worry.

DH came off a nightshift, went to the shops and brought me flowers and a CD and two DVDs - from DS ofcourse I didn't get a card but that's because I said I didn't want anything.

I never get anything on Valentine's day if that makes you feel any better??

Not if you didn't suggest that you wanted him to.

Depends on whether or not your kids are old enough to sort something out themselves. If they're not, then he should have made the effort to get something from them, but tbh, he's quite right, you're not his mother

I don't get anything for dh for fathers day, and nor do I expect him to get me something for mothers day.

Dh helped the kids to make cards, they had flowers and made breakfast in bed (with his help).

I would have been upset if he hadn't helped them sort this out, but I don't expect or want a present from him if you see what I mean.

Pengimum

Do I know you in RL?

Another friend's DH made exactly the same response...her DC'c are waaaayyyy to small to be able to get her anything and FWIW I utterly believe in getting something on the children's behalf - how else are you going to build a family tradition.

In fact just to be sure I had quite a rant on f/b having seen embroidered laundry bags in Sainsburys and I didn't want DO to be misguided into thinking this was an appropriate gift.

I think for most people it would come naturally.
If your dc are too young then - assuming he knew you would have appreciated acknowledgement - I find it odd that he wouldn't actively want to do something for you on their behalf.
His response was rude and dismissive and I would assume his attitude is not just a problem on mothers day?
(I say this as someone who finds the whole mothers day thing intensely grating btw)

If the kids are old enough to know what's going on, then yes he should help them with that, but if you juat have a tiny baby then 'you're not my mother' is probably the correct response, unless you have hinted beforehand.

Did you think he should get you something, or have you since decided that he should after hearing about what someone else's DH did?

TBH is your cjild is very tiny still he might not have the Mothers Day habit as yet. He might well still think of Mother's Day as being for his mum not you. IIRC I didn't get anything the first few years.

I did think of this, this year as we have our first DC who is now 2 months old, I pondered over getting a card 'from him' and such and leaving it next to the cot for DW to find.

If I was more than 50% sure she would have liked to find the card then I would have done that, although I couldn't decide if she'd like the card, or if she would find a card 'from him' which was obviously not 'from him' less than charming.

Ultimatly my indecision lead to not doing the card, although next year i'll definatly sit DS with me and do a card, flowers etc though..

My mother, bless her, used to organise something for my DH to give me from my DD (iyswim). Since she died he made the effort, until this year when my DD did it all herself. She is 10. She bought me two presents and a card, made me scrambled eggs for breakfast and taught me how to play Spit (a card game). It was the best Mother's Day ever - so start bullying him now so that your DCs will learn what is expected.

"so start bullying him now" - I guess that was meant tounge in cheek!

I would suggest a 'subtle' "do you think DC will sent me a mothers day card next year?" accompanied by a wry smile, I'd be suprised if that doesnt do the trick...

Well, no, not from him, as it is Mothers' Day and not Wives' Day. He should, though, "facilitate" something from the child/children if they are too young to sort it out themselves. After ours started at school they always made stuff there anyway.

This is the first year that I have had anything. DD is 2.10 and we had explained we were going to see Grandma on Sunday because she's my mum and we wanted to cook her a meal and spoil her. DD asked dh if she could buy something for me and dh acquiesced (she chose and "wrapped" a book about bird watching for me as we have recently been building bird houses for the garden).

Previously I have expected nothing from dh. I am not his mother.

I am my dh's mother and therefore got a nice new sticker for my trailer.

How lovely Hully. It's nice when families are close.

Heh heh, come over ere and look at my hardened gums. Dh'll pour the bourbon. Don't sit on the snake, gel.

Make sure you don't do anything for Fathers' Day. There is always a place for pettiness in any marriage.

Did you do something for your Mum? Did he do anything for his? If not then you can't expect him to do anything for you.

yabu

YABU your dh is right.

Should he? No. Would it be nice of him to? Yes probably. Have you time to work on him? Definitely. YABabitU but don't worry too much about it there is always next year. (Took my DH four years to get it right but he did eventually )

YABU. What claw said.

Hully, the misspellings in your forearm tattoos, are they postmodern ironic?

I agree you are not his mother. Its good he realises this. Remind him of this when he expects you to do things his mother did for him.