To be very annoyed at my childs friends mothers

[Partyofseven]

Long story - On Monday at school my red haired DD was hit gently by one of her friends for 'punch a ginger day', all done in jest apparently and my child wasn't upset/annoyed.
On Tuesday another friend (child A) ran up to my DD and punched her hard on the shoulder. My DD said what did you do that for? Child A said 'its punch a ginger day', DD said no it isn't though and hit her back, child A then pinched DD on the arm so DD did it back to her. End of and they are not speaking. They are 11yr olds.
They were both supposed to be going out tonight and to a party on sat. DD sent message via another friend to say if child A apologised then it would be ok. Child A refused saying it was DDs fault WTF?
So DD has gone out with the other friend (child B) tonight and during the course of the evening a text message has been sent to Child A from Child Bs phone saying she should apologise or if not just shut the fuck up.
So child As mother rang child Bs mother and has gone mad. Child Bs mother has rang me and gone mad at me. The message came from her childs phone and both child B and DD are denying sending it.
So I rang child As mother to see what her take was on it and she went on and on about another child C sending messages to her child calling her a liar over something that had nothing to do with DD and she was going to take it further. She says that Child C and DD were being very nasty. So I said about the punch a ginger day thing and she says that DD is making that out to be nastier than it was.
As I sat here tonight I am getting more and more annoyed, Dh has told DD to punch the next person who puts a finger on her (not helpful but satisfying)
Should I just let it go, I am thinking of ringing child As mother tomorrow and apologising for DD being involved in the text incident but will not take any responsiblity for the other incident involving child C and don't want DDs name mentioned. And that if her child hits/pinches or touches DD again, I WILL BE TAKING IT FURTHER WITH SCHOOL FOR BULLYING OR FAILING THAT THE POLICE FOR ASSAULT.

First rule of parenting 11 year old girls - don't get involved in their arguments .

I'd say step away from the parental tit for tat "my child is blameless" gumph(them, not you), ime it gets nowhere and the kids have made up whilst the parents are still arguing.

However, the punch a ginger stuff needs nipping the in the bud and if it happens again then it's time for a call to the school as you'll have evidence that it's more than just a one-off.

I would let the class teacher know that there have been issues inside and outside of school. Just in a FYI sort of way. The school won't want to get involved in disagreements between parents but will need to know about disagreements between the children.

I suspect Child A's mum has a totally skewed view of what her child is up to. How can punching people and targeting them because they have ginger hair not be nasty?

Quite honestly I wouldn't feel the need to apologise to Child A's mother since she cannot even see that her child did something wrong. Therefore she will not correct her child's behaviour.

Been there, done that. My DD2 (13) is ginger too. Her hair is bbeautiful but the poor child has been through hell and back because of it.

I can only advise that you avoid confrontation if the other parent/s are unpleasant and defending their DCs behaviour and let the school deal with it. Put it in writing, explain that your DD is being bullied and by whom and ask them to put a stop to it, keeping copies of all correspondance. As nasty as it is this isn't imho a Police matter yet but should it escalate and the school is ineffectual than you are indeed within your rights to press an assault charge. It's a fine line balancing job to give the school a chance to act appropriately and yet not to leave it until it gets out of hand.

Meantime, keep telling DD how beautiful her hair is and give her examples of successful, clever, popular redheaded people, be they friends, family or celebrities... and tell her from me, someone who had golden/red hair until I had cancer treatment, how lucky she is, how much I regret losing my lovely colour, how much I envy her and how much too my own DD would sympathise and understand what she's going through.

that sounds awful and agree with posters re dont let hte school fob off the punch a ginger thing - it is horrible and I have never heard of it! it really pisses me off the anti red hair thing -
YANBU

I couldnt keep up with child a, b and c, but think i get the picture!

I wouldnt get involved in arguments between children, they are best friends again within a couple of days. If i had a problem with a child in school, i would go to a teacher and not the parent.

Your dd is old enough to go and tell a teacher if the ginger thing happens again or have a smart answer back. One of my ds's is ginger and would probably have punched back and said something like 'no, its punch an ugly day'

Think the school needs to know about the 'punch a ginger' issue. Sounds like this could become a bullying situation and needs nipping in the bud both for your dd and others with hair of the same hue.

I agree with TidyBush to stay out of girl's arguments at this age. Offer advice and suppport but don't get into the discussion with other children or parents.

What is this thing about red hair? We don't have any in may family but I just can't understand how some people fee they can discriminate on the basis of hair colour.

Punch a Ginger Day?

What? Are you serious? Is that facebook or something?? Or have I steamed right in without reading properly?

Ppppf. Don't people know what they say about ginger people and their tempers??

Thankyou for your replies.

Valhalla We as a family do tell her all the time how beautiful her hair/she is and apart from odd moments she really does love it. Your messages made me a little sad and I hope we are never in that position, hope you are well now.

Child As mother also works at the school where my younger two dcs go and I am quite shocked at her dismissive attitude to something which is effectively bullying just because its her child.

I do agree with you tidybush and I did say to her that they will be friends again before we've finished discussing it, but she just said she thinks they should go their separate ways and make new friends, which is fine by me.

I will see this mother tomorrow and see what her reaction is to me before I do anything. I also have to speak to the mother of a 7yr old boy who kicked DD last week and said 'get back in the biscuit tin, ginger nut'. what lovely children there are around.

I don't wear rose tinted specs by the way, all the angels here wear their halos a little crucked (sp?) at times

Kids always seem to pick out features of other kids, its not just the ginger. Fatty, skinny, four eyes etc, etc

My ds has learnt to deal with it himself and can give as good as he gets.

x posted monty27

I also have a 6yrd old DD with the same hair and she'll be the one doing the punching.

she does say ' I can change the colour of my hair but you'll always be ugly' but she didn't say anything because they were supposed to be friends.

I'd better go to bed as I also have a 7week old who slept all night last might but may not repeat it again tonight

I will keep you updated , and if I get any joy from school.

I cannot for the life of me understand why there is this 'thing' against red heads. I went to primary school with two redheads and was quite envious of them; I don't ever remember hearing nastiness aimed at them for their hair colour...
And! and I had loads of 'ginger' boyfriends.

WTF is punch a ginger day?

Do we have 'punch a blonde day' 'punch a red head day'

But, where does 'Punch a Ginger Day' come from?

I'm not into anyone punching anyone, particularly because of the colour of their hair, dress, skin, religion whatever. grr

Lol hark at me.

'punch a red head day

Should be brunette!

Hi everyone, thanks for you input, DD has got up at 6am to have a shower and wash,blow and straighten her hair so 'it doesn't look as ginger'

I'm quite looking forward to seeing said mother earth today and her angel of a child.

Who sent the shut the fuck up text?

Bless her that is awful. And i dont understand where the hell they have got punch a ginger day from, that is the stupidest thing i have heard. It doesnt matter whats on the outside, its the inside that counts. I would be having words with the school, so they can keep a closer eye.

Just stay out of it.Can't really follow the complexities of who did what to who but it sounds as if they are all as bad as each other.
You do realise that while you mothers are falling out with each other over this,the girls will be falling back in again.

If "Punch a ginger day" became "Punch an Asian day" I am sure it would not be considered a jest, nor should it.

I am a red head and I still shudder when I look at a duracell battery.

As a ginger myself I was very very very very relieved that my dc do not have to endure the childhood taunts from complete strangers and "friends" alike purely on the colour of their hair.

My dd gets teased about her hair a bit - but she gets more compliments than brickbats.

Well, I couldn't keep up with all of that but it sounds like the school needs to be involved.

I totally don't get the "ginger" malarkey. In fact, I'd never even heard of it until I was in my mid-20s and have a friend who always refers to Mutual Friend as "my ginger friend X". And gosh, does she go ON about it. It's not funny, not clever, and most important of all NOT INTERESTING!

lol at 'punches self'

is this all from that awful facebook group?

maybe everyone should join
this group?

Tell all the mothers that should DD be assaulted again over anything, especially the colour of her hair you will be calling the school and probably also the police.

Then leave the girls to sort out their own arguments.

Let your daughter know that you do not condone any texting threats or arguments.