To be very annoyed at my childs friends mothers

[Partyofseven]

Long story - On Monday at school my red haired DD was hit gently by one of her friends for 'punch a ginger day', all done in jest apparently and my child wasn't upset/annoyed.
On Tuesday another friend (child A) ran up to my DD and punched her hard on the shoulder. My DD said what did you do that for? Child A said 'its punch a ginger day', DD said no it isn't though and hit her back, child A then pinched DD on the arm so DD did it back to her. End of and they are not speaking. They are 11yr olds.
They were both supposed to be going out tonight and to a party on sat. DD sent message via another friend to say if child A apologised then it would be ok. Child A refused saying it was DDs fault WTF?
So DD has gone out with the other friend (child B) tonight and during the course of the evening a text message has been sent to Child A from Child Bs phone saying she should apologise or if not just shut the fuck up.
So child As mother rang child Bs mother and has gone mad. Child Bs mother has rang me and gone mad at me. The message came from her childs phone and both child B and DD are denying sending it.
So I rang child As mother to see what her take was on it and she went on and on about another child C sending messages to her child calling her a liar over something that had nothing to do with DD and she was going to take it further. She says that Child C and DD were being very nasty. So I said about the punch a ginger day thing and she says that DD is making that out to be nastier than it was.
As I sat here tonight I am getting more and more annoyed, Dh has told DD to punch the next person who puts a finger on her (not helpful but satisfying)
Should I just let it go, I am thinking of ringing child As mother tomorrow and apologising for DD being involved in the text incident but will not take any responsiblity for the other incident involving child C and don't want DDs name mentioned. And that if her child hits/pinches or touches DD again, I WILL BE TAKING IT FURTHER WITH SCHOOL FOR BULLYING OR FAILING THAT THE POLICE FOR ASSAULT.

Hang on , the OPs DD also punched and pinched the other child.She also texted her 'to shut the Fuck up'
I don't think she has any moral high ground !!

Let the school know that dd is getting a bit of grief about the colour of her hair.

Keep out of the arguments.

oh, I apologise for the videos, I just watched some of his others and he seems quite a sad and unhappy young man.

spiderpig - it was either the OP's DD or child B. Neither of them have owned up. And while the OP's daughter did hit child A, it was in retaliation, and given that it wasn't the first time she'd been hit for no reason other than the hue of her hair, I wouldn't say she's completely lost the high ground. No, she hasn't been a complete angel, but I would still say the fault lies with child A, who appeared to be aggravating the situation.

As for the language of the text, don't all children swear when their parents aren't around? I know it was commonplace at my school when I was eleven, and child A probably only showed her mother because she knew it would get the mother on her side, or the mother saw the text by accident.

I would avoid talking to child A's mother, Partyofseven, and just go straight to the school. You'll only lose the initiative otherwise, and it will seem like you're on the back foot to the school. Can you post a letter to them tomorrow telling them what happened? That way your version of events will hopefully get to them first, and if your DD's name comes up in the unrelated incident the school will be a bit more understanding. From the sounds of it, Child A's mother is determined to think the worst of your DD, whether she actually is in the wrong, and I know from an incident involding my sister that schools tend to leap on the first accusee's words without feeling out the whole story first. My sister was hauled up for something when it was another girl's fault, and my mum had to put in some serious intervention to stop my sister being severely punished by the school.

Hi all

FYI spiderpig there wasn't any morality or high groung being sought, I have said in previous posts that DD is also at fault, but when she has been consistently called because of the colour of her hair all through primary school I think a bit of relatiation (hitting/pinching back) was more than called for, especially as this child was supposed to be her friend.

I was more shocked that a member of teaching staff (which the childs mother is) felt it was ok for bigotry and physical violence against another child was on a par with swearing, and she felt the need to lecture me on the digusting nature of bad language and how it made her feel. But she didn't seem to care how it made DD feel. I do think that her over reaction to the text was actually because she was embarrassed that her daughter told lies to a teacher and was potentially going to be found out.

Re: the text the child whose phone it was sent off, has apologised to DD 'for getting her into trouble'. If she didn't do it then why apologise, DD still says she didn't do it.

We have decided to leave the matter for now, but DD has been asked to write every name calling/hitting however innocent etc, in her journal and report it to a teacher and get it signed. If the teacher refuses to sign it or dismisses DD then we will speak to school.

In this sort of situation the school should come down like a ton of bricks. Children having "Punch a ginger day" is no different to having a "Punch a nigger day" or "Punch a paki day". No child should be victimised for their creed or their colour.

If the school is not taking it seriously then complain to the Police and the school governors. Most LEAs have policies in place for things like this. The school has a duty of care to ALL children.

These girls need to be SERIOUSLY punished. If school aren't prepared to punish them then the adults need to be punished for standing by and doing nothing. The school I work at would internally exclude children for this sort of behaviour.

By the way I do not have red hair and neither do my children.

I would stand back in the argument stakes. Don't apologise, or even discuss it any more. It already sounds like it has got completely out of control, and it doesn't sound as if the other mum is your friend anyway. I'd leave it now.
However, if the punching carries on, then a quiet word with the teacher is in order.