to be annoyed that both my children were still awake..........

[macdoodle]

I am single mum to 2DD's (8yrs and 2yrs), good girls they are
One evening a week I work 6-9pm, my best friend's daughter (who lives across the road),babysits, she is 18. I pay her a fair amount for the evening!

Normally both girls are in bed when I get home. But I have discovered that if DD2 does a poo, she calls her mum (my best friend, across the road), and her mum comes over, changes DD2 and puts her to bed.

So tonight, DD2 doesnt do a poo, she doesnt call her mum, and makes no effort to change DD2's nappy, put her pj's on or put her to bed

So when I get in at 9:15, they are both awake!!
According to DD1, DD2 just kept saying "no bed" and babysitter made no effort to take her up!

She was shattered, soaking wet nappy, soaked through her trousers, and sore bum After cleaning her up, she went to bed and to sleep pretty quickly!

She can be a stroppy moo, but if done firmly, should be ok!

So not entirely sure AIBU, would you expect an 18yr old babysitter to be able to change and put a 2 year old to bed!
Am not worried about DD1, she would put herself to bed, knows her bedtime, she only stayed up because DD1 was still up!

They are both asleep now!

I'd expect any adult to have the sense to change a baby so she wasn't wet, pooey nappies too. Getting a toddler off to sleep can be more problematic but I'd expect them to at least try. So I'd say YANBU.

YANBU

An 18 year old baby sitter should change a nappy,but perhaps you may need to show her how?

When my DD2 also 18 gets in tonight from baby sitting I will check she would know to do this too.

(she once very proudly put her little sister to bed when I was on the phone to my mum, only to realise she had forgeotten to put on
the nappy - she was only 7 at the time!)

yanbu, if she's baby sitting thats whats expected surely - to change nappies as required and put them to bed. if she really felt she couldn't do it she could have called her mum, as it seems she does that normally.
but 18 definitely not too young to do this, many people have their own babies at that age and do these tasks daily. if she cant do it, dont baby sit..

18yr old, not really very experienced unless she is nursery worker or similar, TBH i wouldn't want 18yr old 2 look after my pets, let alone DCs unless i had told them EXACTLY what to do & thot they were quite capable. Altho obv if said 18yr old is parent then prob more capable

Hmm am pretty disappointed in her TBH
It seemed she has always been coping, but I think her mum had been helping a lot !
She has a younger sister the same age as my DD1 so was thinking she would be more than capable!
Its the nappy/pj's thing, I accept that puting her to bed can be hard, but she could have put her in my bed with a DVD and she probably would have gone off....

Am thinking I need to find a new babysitter which is not that easy to do And I like her a lot have known her for 10 years, and dont want to offend her mum either..bum!

YANBU

i'm sure you would have previously explained bedtime routines etc to her so she should have know to have both kids in changed and bed at the normal time.

I babysat from 16 onwards and knew how/when to put the kids to bed (yes, I am aware it was probably a bit silly of the parents to have a 16yo looking after toddlers

Mac - YANBU. It would be a shame to change all your arrangements. Can you not just 'have a word'?

She's going away to Uni in Sept (to study social work), so I may see if I can have a word and last with her till then!
Was going to gradually start looking for someone to take over from her then anyway!

My poor baby is going to be very grumpy tomorrow!

Have a quiet word with her IME she will be reluctant to lose this regular source of income, but she may just need a teeny bit of instruction/reassurance that your dd2 won't break if she changes her nappy.

If she resents this then dump her.

"If you can't trust an 18 year old to change a nappy then you shouldn't be leaving them witha this babysitter " verbatim quote from DD2 as she's just got in from babysitting

( you can see why I love her !!!!!)

YANBU, I would say she isn't up to the job and find someone else.
I'd also be cross with your friend for helping out like that and keeping it from you IMO thats a breach of trust.
And bloody pathetic behavior, calling mummy to wipe a bloody bum when she's payed to do it!

iwas, where are you would your Dd like another job

I knew her mum had come the one night, when DD2 had been poorly with the runs, and her poos were bloody horrendous! Didnt know it has been a regular occurence!

Just out of interest what was her attitude like when you arrived home?

Well she's always pretty quiet and doesnt talk a lot, and DD1 was quick to tell me that DD2 wouldnt go to bed!
I didnt dither at the door as I was so gutted to see them both awake, and realise I still had to do bedtime, that i just gave her the money and she left, she may have looked a bit sheepish

All I'll say london/Surrey border

Now if she'd been really embarrassed and apologetic then maybe she realised what she'd done wrong and would make sure not to let it happen again but a reaction like that would suggest she doesn't have the skills to care for young children.

TBH if she doesn't work in childcare, she might not know. I think you need to right down their exact routine, including nappy changes/PJs/Milk or whatever.

When you say about her going off with a DVD, have you actually told her this? I wouldn't let my DC do this, so she might just not know if she is allowed?

Sorry no her younger sibling is 8yrs old, same as my DD1 not my younger one, but I have a younger sib and was changing nappies from a young age!
OK so my expectations were not unreasonable then??

If this was the first time she babysat then maybe she would have an excuse but being that she's been doing it for awhile she can't really pled ignorance to the nighttime routine or your very normal expectations.
The very least she should have changed your DD's nappy, pretty cruel IMO not to and lay.

Plus it not particular hard to work out how to put on a nappy!

I don't think they were unreasonable Mcd. I've got 2 grown up DC's and at eighteen neither had much experience with small children. But neither would have dreamt of leaving a baby in a wet nappy, and although they might not have relished a pooey one, they'd have gritted their teeth and got on with it.

I would personally write down a routine for any babysitter, especially if they aren't parents themselves.
YANBU to expect her to of changed a nappy, but if this is the only thing she has slipped up on i would forgive and have a quite word, ie,
give her examples of how to get baby to bed etc, she might of thought you didn't want your children to watch a dvd in bed.
Tell her that DD2 is drinking more now the weathers a bit nicer and needs more frequent changes.

looking after children is hit and miss if your not surrounded by them all day, i have sometimes forgot to check DS nappy before his milk and had to change it last minute, and i helped bring up 3 younger siblings.

I don't think your expectations were unreasonable, so long as you clearly let her know what your expectations were....if she knew she was expected to change nappies, get the little one into PJs and put them both to bed, YANBU.