to find it invasive when strangers interrogate me as to why I don't have kids?

[WkdSM]

Bit of a rant - but I am getting a bit fed up of this!

At social function / dinner / lunch and am asked 'Do you have kids'

No, we have 2 boys from my DH's 1st marriage - 16 and 19

So - why don't you have kids?

Because we couldn't

Why didn't you go through / pay for IVF / adopt / rescue a child from a burning building / recsue a child from China / visit Lourdes and pray / put your whole life on hold until you had them / kill yourself as obviously your life is incomplete / worthless without the / accept you are not really a proper woman / atone for sins from previous life for which being barren is obviously your punishment

Really - it is hard enough to accept not being able to have them without having a long discussion about it and people telling me what I should have done.

AIBU to say 'It's a private matter and I don't want to discuss it'

Of course YANBU. I am horrified that anyone would ask you - or any woman without children - why you don't have any, quite frankly. It is clearly your own private business.

Amazes me that people can e so insensitive, nosey and bloody rude!

It amazes me the assumptions small minded, limited people often make. Like if you have just got married you must be TTC... If you haven't popped one out nine months after the ceremony there must be something wrong...

I do want kids (sort of hovering around TTC) but cannot understand why people accuse those who do not, of being selfish. The same goes for those who seem to think that an only child is somehow desperately deprivied... Just very, very odd.

It's incrediably rude and invasive to ask anybody about their family plans. It's a very intimate subject.

People are people, I get asked if I alwayswanted four, people get asked if they wanted a boy after two girls and vice versa. Fact of life, people like to ask questions and make assumptions that everyone is like them, if it's going to bother you then you're going to be angry a lot.

Yes they ask questions. However some questions are only appropriate in certain circumstances.

For example, what would you say if your middle aged aunt/hair dresser/whoever asked you when was the last time you masterbated? None of your business, I'd imagine!

Is it really worth getting cross? It's human nature, most people want to have children and when people don't have them people ask why....I guess they're not really thinking what the reply may be,
We don't want children and never have
No we hate children,
No my husband can't get an erection
We have a sexless marriage
My husband was born a woman
No I have no womb...

You have to wonder what they expect, but you also have to expect that people will ask and get over it.

I think that the same people who ask you 'why don't you have children' are those who will ask you 'why did you get pregnant?' when you do. And then they will say 'why you don't have another one, it is shelfish not to' etc. And then when you have your second dc the same people will say 'oh why did you have them so close?'. And so on...

The nerve of some people amazes me! YADNBU.

My sisters-in-law are both married and in their late 30's w/no kids yet and I don't even ask them why they're not having children. It's none of my business is it?

Now that our DS is almost 3 we get a lot of "when are you having another-not good to have too big a gap in there, you know" as if he's 15 or something. Cripes! I'm going to start saying, "Actually we can't afford another right now, it's touch and go at this point whether we're going to be able to keep our house, you see. But if you'd like to contribute to the cause just so I can have another child and stop your endless yammering, let me get my banking information."

The thing of it is, I'd love more kids, but this nonsense makes we want to scream, "Nope, we're just having the one, so THERE!"

some of the stories on here are so

i wouldn't like to ask people questions regarding ttc, because you're basically asking then if they have sex, aren't you?
but people don't seem to put the two together.

how awful to have to be one of those who can't conceive (or did and MCd)
just horrible for them.

YANBU. I hate it!

I used to tell people, sweetly but explicitly, my history of Not Having Children. They usually got embarrassed, which is what I wanted!

Now, though, I just say: "I didn't choose childlessness, it chose me." Expressions of deep pity can easily be countered with: "But I'm not blind to the advantages!" Pity rapidly turns to envy. Mission accomplished

Haha, amber1979, just you wait until you're pregnant! Strangers - and I mean complete strangers - feel free to come up & comment on your belly, what you're wearing, to ask about your state of health, to criticise your choices of what/whether to eat, drink, smoke, lift, carry, work, and so on - and on, and on. It's quite astounding. And very rude, IMO

My BIL just asked me today when we'll be having another one. We are, but haven't told people yet, I absoluetly HATE being asked. I hate people thinking about what DH and I are getting up to and I think it's damn rude to ask.

I've had many many comments of 'oh you don't want DS to be a freaky only child do you?'

One women, an almost stranger, said 'oh well he'll be totally socially retarded if you leave it much longer without a sibling'

YANBU to feel offended, but I do think a lot of people wouldn't mind discussing personal stuff, which is probably why people routinely ask such personal stuff.

I personally wouldn't mind being asked if I was finished, or ttc, or whether I was upset becasue I had 2 girls etc etc

I often ask people stuff that might be construed as personal - like do you live alone? How long have you been married? Do you like baking? It's not intended to offend - I'm just making conversation..

For a lot of people childbearing is not such a sensitive issue, but for some reason I do think the human race is set up to ask gruesome stuff without much thought to the possiblity of it offending anyway. Reveal that you've been bereaved by suicide, and count the minutes till they ask how they did it.... most people do - Samaritans, counsellors, the lot....

no you are not being unreasonalbe and i should tell them to fuck right off

YANBU.

Asking if you have children is making conversation. Asking why not is bloody rude.