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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit [hmm] about this mother?

50 replies

mosschops30 · 18/03/2010 10:05

I walk ds1 to school every day, and we use the same path as the school walking bus.
ds1's friend from his reception class is on the walking bus and his mother runs it.

This morning we were ahead of the bus and the boy ran to my ds with his mum shouting to come back and re-join the bus.
I didnt have time to wait to walk with the bus so continued walking with ds and this boy ran on ahead of us.
I asked ds to wait at the school gates but he ran ahead into school with this boy and although I could see him I was cross he hadnt waited and told him off when we got to the playground.

Anyway I thought Id better speak to the mother and said 'oh so sorry about this morning, I have told ds off for not waiting' and just sort of made it a bit jokey, like 'boys, whatcha gonna do with them' and she turned round really moody and said' yes wel;l its not good enough him running off when Ive asked him to stay with the bus' and gave me a filthy look and walked off.

I am now , feel like saying to her thats her child is her responsibility and not mine, im not gonna wait for the bus just so she doesnt have to try and keep her child under control. I am a bit pissed off because I would have just said 'oh not to worry, you know what theyre like' but she acted like it was my fault

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 18/03/2010 10:10

"Not good enough" PMSL

assumetheposition · 18/03/2010 10:11

I'm with you. DS1 followed 2 of his friends out of the school gate last week when I had asked him to wait.

He got a telling off in no uncertain terms (almost said 'if he jumped off a cliff would you follow )

It would never occur to me to chastise DS's friend's mother.

Maybe she didn't mean to aim it at you but was just pissed of with her son.

GypsyMoth · 18/03/2010 10:13

i would tell her 'its not good enough' that someone running a school bus cant even keep the children safe,together and in one place!!

Original poster
mosschops30 · 18/03/2010 10:14

yes maybe, i suppose that could be it, but i was pissed off with ds too, but thats between me and him, its not anyone elses fault that he ran on past the gate.

Should I just leave it? Im far too gobby for my own good feel like saying tomorrow 'i apologised out of politeness the least you could do is accept it gracefully and maybe keep your son under control in future'!
but then she'd hate me

OP posts:
paisleyleaf · 18/03/2010 10:15

It sounds like that school bus thing has gone to her head a bit.

StepSideways · 18/03/2010 10:16

lol - I would ignore her stroppiness.. deep breaths..

MathsMadMummy · 18/03/2010 10:19

YANBU that wasn't your fault. silly woman

erm, I meant her not you!!!

bellissima · 18/03/2010 10:21

YANBU.

Although, I have to say, I'm not sure that I would volunteer to keep a whole 'walking bus' under control. I'd be terrified of losing one that wasn't mine, let alone my own varms.

AgentZigzag · 18/03/2010 10:25

Are you sure she was being stroppy at you though?

It's poss she'd had a shitty morning and was just saying that she'd already told him to not run off, but cos she felt so crap she didn't do the rolling the eyes with a twinkle that'd let you know it wasn't aimed at you.

If not, I can't see any reason why it'd be your responsiblity to control her DS. If it was me I'd try and act normally with her and put it down to a one off, if she's still being funny with you then you'll know she's got a problem, which would be a reflection on her and not you.

merrymonsters · 18/03/2010 10:28

They ran INTO the school, not onto the road. It's not that dangerous, is it?

You don't say how old these boys are, but they're obviously old enough to be at school. Maybe they're old enough to have a bit of a run without their mothers hanging onto their coat-tails?

Also, it sounds like she was annoyed with her son, not with you.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 18/03/2010 10:30

If she was with the walking bus, then I presume she had responsibility for the other children in it, and couldn't simply run ahead to grab her ds, when he didn't do as he was told. It wouldn't have been unreasonable of her to expect you to tell the boy to go back to his mum, or to call to your ds to stop so that the walking bus had a chance to catch up a bit so the mum could get her son's attention.

I'd have been a bit that you didn't tell him to go back to her but effectively condoned him running on with your ds. I don't think I'd have been as snotty about it as she was, though - nothing dreadful happened, and they both got safely to school.

Original poster
mosschops30 · 18/03/2010 10:35

No its not dangerous, but me and ds1 have a rule that you only run as far as I can see you (if I cant see you you cant see me IYKWIM) which is why hes not allowed to run on that far ahead.

She said to me that if one runs off then they all want to run on, which is fair enough, but again, not my fault.

OP posts:
OrmRenewed · 18/03/2010 10:35

YANBU.

Perhaps suggest she gets a sheep dog and a whistle

StaplerStuckInBackOfHead · 18/03/2010 10:35

Maybe WALKING BUS MUM is under pressure from keeping the whole bus together and thought it might be helpful if you could hang around near the bus since you are going that way as well?

Children get all excited every morning when they haven't seen their mates for a whole evening and night and just love school so much that they have to get there quick. She's annoyed with you.Although it is not your responsibility for the bus, you inadvertently made her job harder than it already was. Your son running off with her DS, I mean.

Any particular reason why you couldn't wait for the bus?

Original poster
mosschops30 · 18/03/2010 10:37

stayingdavidtennantsgirl are you here??

so I should have asked he ds to go back to her and stopped to wait for the bus to catch up with us?
There are 3 other parents on the walking bus its not just her, and we werent that far ahead. They dont wait for me when Im behind and ds runs off to them. Am totally by your attitude as much as I am with hers

OP posts:
Original poster
mosschops30 · 18/03/2010 10:37

her not here

OP posts:
RiverOfSleep · 18/03/2010 10:42

If you go the same way as the walking bus at roughly the same time why don't you just join it?

Its hard for children having one rule for one and one for another. And yes 'thats life' and they need to learn about that but there are better/safer situations to learn that than walking to school.

Angelcat666 · 18/03/2010 10:42

YANBU

I like Orm's suggestion

AgentZigzag · 18/03/2010 10:43

If she had wanted you to send her DS back to her why didn't she just shout and ask you to? If she had I'm sure you'd have had no problem in saying to him 'Your Mums calling you XXXX do you think you ought to go back?' but telling other peoples children what to do can be a bit tricky if they've not said anything can't it?

Original poster
mosschops30 · 18/03/2010 10:44

because I dont want to join the bus, sometimes im late sometimes im early, occasionally I'll drive, it dont want to be tied down to getting to the end of the path at a specific time every day, I have 3 dc's to get out the house in a morning its chaos

OP posts:
StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 18/03/2010 10:45

I don't see what's so about thinking you could at least have said 'X, your mum is calling you, you need to go back to her' - then she'd see that you'd done something to back her up. Or you could have let the walking bus catch up a bit (I did say catch up a bit, not catch up in my earlier post) so that her chance of getting her ds's attention would have been better.

Either way, she'd have felt that you were giving her a bit of back-up, and if the walking bus wasn't that far behind you, I don't actually why it was impossible for you to slow down a bit.

I would also expect that the parents on the walking bus would tell your ds to go back to you if he ran ahead to them and they heard you calling him back to you.

Original poster
mosschops30 · 18/03/2010 10:46

yes agent if she had asked me I would have absolutely waited or asked her ds to go back.

She was shouting at him in their language (wont say it on here so as not to identify) so I couldnt understand what she was asking him, but the whole family speaks excellent english so no reason for her not to shout at me to ask

OP posts:
BadGardener · 18/03/2010 10:46

I don't believe for a moment she was annoyed with you - you are being paranoid.
If you were being jokey it may have sounded like you thought it was acceptable behaviour from her son and she is communicating that she doesn't think it is. She's pissed off with her son, not you.

Original poster
mosschops30 · 18/03/2010 10:46

they dont, everyone just keeps on walking

OP posts:
StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 18/03/2010 10:54

Well, I'd be equally that they didn't say 'Mosschops' ds, go back to your mum, she's calling you.' That's not too much to ask. Do you ask them to send him back to you?

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