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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit [hmm] about this mother?

50 replies

mosschops30 · 18/03/2010 10:05

I walk ds1 to school every day, and we use the same path as the school walking bus.
ds1's friend from his reception class is on the walking bus and his mother runs it.

This morning we were ahead of the bus and the boy ran to my ds with his mum shouting to come back and re-join the bus.
I didnt have time to wait to walk with the bus so continued walking with ds and this boy ran on ahead of us.
I asked ds to wait at the school gates but he ran ahead into school with this boy and although I could see him I was cross he hadnt waited and told him off when we got to the playground.

Anyway I thought Id better speak to the mother and said 'oh so sorry about this morning, I have told ds off for not waiting' and just sort of made it a bit jokey, like 'boys, whatcha gonna do with them' and she turned round really moody and said' yes wel;l its not good enough him running off when Ive asked him to stay with the bus' and gave me a filthy look and walked off.

I am now , feel like saying to her thats her child is her responsibility and not mine, im not gonna wait for the bus just so she doesnt have to try and keep her child under control. I am a bit pissed off because I would have just said 'oh not to worry, you know what theyre like' but she acted like it was my fault

OP posts:
StaplerStuckInBackOfHead · 18/03/2010 10:55

She's already shouted for him as you have guessed correctly. You as a grown up (they are only reception children) should take responsibility. either tell him to go back to his mum or wait up for the bus. sorry, it's such a small thing to do. YABU

Original poster
mosschops30 · 18/03/2010 10:58

no they dont, they barely speak as we walk past most days.
School is very cliquey

OP posts:
Original poster
mosschops30 · 18/03/2010 11:00

yes stapler I am the grown up, but his mother was just behind me, it is not my responsibility to get him to stop, which is the point of my post.
And for all I know she could have been shouting 'ok run on but wait at the gate' which is what I normally do.
Like I said I could not understand what she was shouting

OP posts:
StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 18/03/2010 11:02

If he'd run into the road, would you have thought 'it's not my responsibility to get him to stop'?? And I am not saying that it is your responsibility to get him to stop, merely that if you had told him to go back to his mum, that would have been a reasonable and easy thing to do, and would have backed her up.

WhereYouLeftIt · 18/03/2010 11:03

I'm afraid I think YABU. In these circumstances, having heard the mother shout to her son to come back, I would have reinforced her by telling him to go back and rejoin the bus as she had asked him to do. By not doing so, you undermined her a bit. She couldn't just run after him, she had all the other children to consider. And what did the other children think - 'oh, it's ok to run ahead of the walking bus, they can't run after us'? What if more of them decided to try that stunt tomorrow? I think the filthy look was a bit deserved.

AgentZigzag · 18/03/2010 11:05

WhereYouLeftIt, but the OP didn't know that's what the Mum was saying, she's just said the Mum was talking in a different language. It's not for the OP to guess at what she was saying and get a shitty look because she can't understand the other language!

StaplerStuckInBackOfHead · 18/03/2010 11:06

"they barely speak as we walk past most days. School is very cliquey."

Then that puts a different light to events of the morning. You don't want to help them and they don't want to help you. The isolation gets worse and so will the misunderstandings.

StaplerStuckInBackOfHead · 18/03/2010 11:29

"This morning we were ahead of the bus and the boy ran to my ds with his mum shouting to come back and re-join the bus"

I think OP has guessed what the mum was shouting for; these actions are intuitive and universal with language not a barrier. You should let the matter pass without any further confrontation. Try your best to 'help' if the occasion arises.Make the first move and even if not reciprocated, you will be the better person for it.

Otherwise, drive to school every day.

WhereYouLeftIt · 18/03/2010 11:33

AgentZigzag, in the OP she says "This morning we were ahead of the bus and the boy ran to my ds with his mum shouting to come back and re-join the bus." She later changed her tune to "Like I said I could not understand what she was shouting".

If you see a child run off and the mother shouts after the child, it's a fair bet she's shouting to the child to come back. It doesn't matter if you can't make out the exact wording, be that through language or distance.

And she didn't get a shitty look because she can't understand the other language. She got a shitty look for not doing the bleedin' obvious.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 18/03/2010 11:34

As SSIBOH says, Agentzigzag - the OP had a pretty good idea what the mum was saying.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 18/03/2010 11:36

Sorry - cross-posted with WYLI, Agentzigzag - don't want you to feel ganged-up-on.

AgentZigzag · 18/03/2010 11:39

Lol DaveTennant thanks for not ganging up on me

troublewithtalk · 19/03/2010 09:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 19/03/2010 09:42

Not her fault, precisely, troublewithtalk - but why couldn't she have called to the boy to go back to his mum? As WhereYouLeftIt said, that would have been the obvious thing to do, and hardly difficult for the OP. She didn't do something that she could easily have done, and by doing nothing and then trying to laugh it off, she earned a dirty look.

troublewithtalk · 19/03/2010 18:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

corriefan · 19/03/2010 18:56

YABU he ran out of the bus because of seeing your ds and you decided to ignore the fact that she wanted him back, despite her supervising several other chidren on the bus.

spiderpig8 · 19/03/2010 20:49

I think YAB a little U.i would imagine running a WB is quite stressful with the safety of so many children to think about. Can't you see how disruptive it is to the walking bus , when the other children ,especially your DS's little friends, see him running on ahead.If some days, you are close to the WB why don't you just walk along with it ?

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 19/03/2010 23:14

I don't think that saying to a child, "X - your mum is calling you to go back to her" is telling the child off - it would be backing the mother up, surely.

pigletmania · 19/03/2010 23:18

whats a walking bus? Sorry for my ignorancen

thisisyesterday · 19/03/2010 23:24

agree with others.
#i think she was saying to you that she was very cross with her son for running off, and that he dshouldn' thave done so when she had called him back

also agree that you could've waited, or told hoim to go back

shona2 · 19/03/2010 23:33

YABU. You intuited the mum wanted her son back with the bus and that she was in no position to chase him. You could have waited or walked the boy back to his mum. Next time walk with the bus, drive or take a different route. I say this as a mum of two tearaways boys who run off at any opportunity, so I can commiserate with both of you

lil · 19/03/2010 23:36

A child should be brought up by all the village...and all that.

abbierhodes · 20/03/2010 00:12

What in the name of fuck is a walking bus?

MrsTicklemouse · 20/03/2010 00:40

YANBU surely walking bus mum shouldn't have let her DS run off in the first place.

i know how you feel DS4.7 likes to run ahead a bit to playgroup but knows he has to stop at the crossroads/gate his friend however isn't always as keen to follow the rules, i don't tend to intervene unless she was about to run across the road,

i do think given the position the other mum is in she should try a little harder to lay down the law with her DS

MrsTicklemouse · 20/03/2010 00:46

abbierhodes if you haven't already googled it! a walking bus is a scheme where parents can drop their kids at a set time/place to safely walk to school with a few volunteers. i think!

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