To be angry with my Mother?

[shoneshine]

Maybe Im being a tad sensitive but my parents called around today, I was halfway through cleaning the kitchen and hadnt hoovered since yday morning (kids trailed food etc) but I was just about to do it! Anyway Mum and Dad asked why I hadnt hoovered and mopped, what had I been doing this morning (phoning companies reg bills etc!). Mum said 'we brought you up right, I always hoovered your bedrooms etc' 'You cant manage can you' ?! I was really upset. I told her I`d rather read a story with my kids than be doing housework all the time, ok so it wasnt as tidy etc as it should have been but it was hardly 'How clean is your house!'. Now I feel inadequate. They are great parents and Grandparents but why should they make me feel bad just because I dont have OCD???

Ask them to give you plenty of notice next time so that you can make it presentable to there standards

You could always go and do the same to them, duest on wardrobes, fluff under couch or you could just hand her the hoover if she moans again

I am lucky in that my Mum would rather shop than hoover but she still finds other ways to irritate me!

Frankly, I would just ignore it. Their way is different to that of most Mums today. As mother's it is no longer enough to feed and clothe your child, you are expected to read, play games, do creative activities and all ensuring we are stimulating and developing our children in the best way...... My mother really sees no need for littleun to go to 'Sing and sign' sessions but I do; we agree to disagree.

Perhaps you should ask your mum when she last did the household finances? She may well tell you that's your Dad's job.....

Sometimes Mum's need reminding it's our home, our kids and our life. Surely the most important thing to them should be our happiness?!

Just smile nicely and say, 'ah, but mum, some of my best memories are of the times when we were growing up, when the house was a pigsty - don't you remember?' And let her get paranoid trying to remember the imaginary dirt.

Oh dear, they need a hobby/life/to get out more!

If you´re OK with it, then she should be imo.

Mil is a bit like this but more veiled in her comments. However, when I look at photos of dh as a child her house is a tip in the background

Thanku all XXXXXXXXXXXXX

My mum had/has very high standards of tidiness and cleanliness (and she worked part-time when I was little and FT when I was 11 and up. Basically, I can't live up to that (nor do I care enough). Her house always looks pristine, but we weren't allowed to lie on our beds because we would wrinkle the duvet covers .

She has never said anything, but when she comes the kitchen ends up a lot cleaner than it started .

It's a shame that your mum seemed to phrase this in such an undermining way. Do you think she's just tactless and is actually worried, or just mean ?

I agree with Squiglet about your response. You've explained very well to her why the house wasn't that tidy. Now Ignore

OP, I wonder if the house was as clean as your mum thinks when you were younger?

I always seemed to be doing something, but there still often seemed to be stuff around iyswim.

My MIL did this once, I replied "feel free to get the hoover out if it bothers you that much..."

Oddly enough now she is full of praise for how I manage to look after kids/house work and study......

diddl - I agree

I think some parents have rose-coloured memories. My mum will often say "you and your brother got on really well as children" (Erm, when he was not flicking tea-towels at me and I was not throwing a Majorette baton at his head ...)

Mil always looks at the 'to do' list hanging on the wall, gets scrubbing the microwave/fridge, hoovers the house and ticks them off. I'm always a bit and a lot .

I'd ignore it if my mum said something like that but I'd be mortified if Mil ever said anything (she's tactful enough to keep her thoughts to herself!)

You could always turn it back on her by saying "yes, you are quite right the house was always immaculate but the only memories I have of you are you doing housework not anything fun with me".

That should shut her up. Alternatively gin works quite well.

Lolol these are so funny! She does actually get the hoover out, she mustnt be able to bear the speckled floor, LOL!
She was a SAHM and up until recently I was working. Shes never dealt with bills/paperwork and only had me and my sis whereas we have 3, the eldest being 5. Shes really gonna freak when she knows we want another!
I feel like Im wasting my childrens young years chasing an impossible dream of a tidy house! The most I ever manage is downstairs...maybe one day! Xx

Have a really sloveny SIL then everytime MIL visits she thinks your house is pristine thats what mine used to think anyway.

'Hadn't hoovered since yesterday morning' Good job she's not my mum, I'm lucky if I get round to hoovering once a week!

YANBU- she is being very rude, it is your house, your rules, your priorities. I'm with you in that I would much rather spend time with DD than have a pristine house.

Next time, leave the hoover and mop for her and go for a coffee

I sympathise Shoeshine, but have been there myself! Here are some examples of what my mum's said over the years:

When we'd finished decorating the children's bedrooms and bought new accessories last year she said, "Oh they're nice duvet covers, would look so much better ironed though!"

She's often remarked how comfortable our sofa is but also says she can see toys underneath the coffee table and asks why I don't hoover underneath it!"

Once when they turned up unannounced she went to the bathroom and afterwards asked why I don't bleach the toilet,, unbeknown to me ds had just done a poo in there!

Visiting my aunt together with mum, ds and dd, my aunt commented on what a lovely coat dd had on. I was about to thank her when mum jumped in, "It's not new though is it, surely she was wearing that last winter, isn't it time she had new shoes too?"

She's a great mum and nan, but her domineering and tactless manner really gets to me, why do they do it and what can they possibly get out of it?!

I stopped inviting my dad to my house when I got tired of his little niggly comments about jobs that hadn't been done. Once he saw fit to comment on the state of the bottom frame of my patio doors. FFS!

You need to make a sparky, fesity, witty comment right back at your Mum as soon as she does it next time. Something that makes her look a little bit silly.

I'd say "if you're going to whinge about the state of the house then I'll only invite you round occasionally when I've had the time and inclination to clean it, and no more turning up uninvited"
I'd say it smilingly, but in a way that let her know that I actually meant it. Thankfully my visitors including relatives don't "pop in". I like my space.

Are you my SIL sweetkitty?

my mum has always worked since we went to school so she wised up years ago. she has a magnet on her fridge..." a clean house is the sign of a wasted life" however, now she's retired the house is spotless.

my friends with kids love to visit my house, it makes them feel so much better...

oh my mum did this to me all the time until my sister and I presented her with her own pair of white gloves (like on the snooker) to inpsect our houses for cleaniness . . .

I dont think shes being mean on purpose she just is tactless! And she was remarking on the bottom of the patio door frame yday! Dont you ever hoover inside it?! I do but the side she meant was usually shut when I hoovered! I just keep remembering their open mouths at the crumbs on the floor but now it makes me laugh!!! Maybe Im secretly rebelimg from a pristine childhood! Bring on the dirt!!! You`re right it could be alot worse, I know Im a good mum, I love being a Mum and spending time with my kiddies. Its not like theyre getting food poisoning! Xxx

shoneshine - there's definitely an element of rebellion in me against my mum's excessive tidiness. She, in fact, has told me she's reacting against the disorganised and dirty home she grew up in .......