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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a reasonable enough dinner for an almost three year old?

45 replies

ShinyAndNew · 17/03/2010 10:03

Once a week dd2 muist have her dinner very early (4:30pm, we normally have dinner at 6pm), so she is never very hungry.

Plus I only get a couple of hours off work before I have to go back, so I don't have huge amounts of time to be making things as in this time I usually need to wash up, walk the dog, phone dd1, feed the dog, feed the cat etc.

Yesterday she had porridge, half a philly sarnie, 3 breadsticks with philly dip, half a sliced apple and a banana. On the way to mils she asked for a bag of quavers while we were in the shop.

When got to mils she asked what dd2 had had for dinner. I onmly got 'porridge' out before her usual reply of "Oh dear God, never mind I'll find you something" came out. She has then complained to DH that dd2 needs 'proper dinners'.

This is not the first time she has said things like this. Dd2 eats cooked mealsd the rest of the week, as a once a week thing I don't think the above meal is a bad one is it?

OP posts:
seeker · 17/03/2010 10:06

It might be better if you say "Sandwiches" straight off - sounds more dinner-y than porridge!

But if your mil is looking after her why can't she give her some dinner?

Original poster
ShinyAndNew · 17/03/2010 10:08

I don't think she likes the fuss seeker, she always asks me to give her something. I got the same response for sandwiches a few weeks ago.

OP posts:
MrsPixie · 17/03/2010 10:10

That sounds perfectly fine to me. I personally feel one warm meal a day is important, but children ultimately have to eat what they fancy and enjoy.

What does she normally eat for dinner?

MmeLindt · 17/03/2010 10:10

It is fine.

Ignore MIL.

Or tell her that since she does not have time to give DD2 her dinner, you are going to start taking her to McDonalds on the way to hers.

thisisjuststupid · 17/03/2010 10:13

YANBU. sometimes thats life isnt it? does she like to make out she has never taken a shortcut when her kids were little? its not a helpful attitude from her is it? what does DH say?

Original poster
ShinyAndNew · 17/03/2010 10:14

Normally we have pasta, casseroles, mince and dumplings, roast dinners, fish and veg etc. I cook for the whole family every night I am not working. The other night I work my mum has them and usually makes them panacalty or mince and mash.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShinyAndNew · 17/03/2010 10:16

I think DH agrees with her but daren't say anything to me.

thisisstupid she was a perfect mother, as is sil, as I am constantly reminded. I am lacking in motherly and wifely skills.

OP posts:
TootaLaFruit · 17/03/2010 10:17

YAsoooooNBU. Silly MIL. That meal is absolutely fine, even if it was more than once a week. Just because it doesn't 'sound' supper-y doesn't mean it's not a nutritionally balanced meal (carbs, protein, fruit - check check check). My dd is 18 months and I'd love to get a meal like that in her, at any time of the day.

My own mother is the complete opposite - when she looks after dd I send round things like mash, cottage pie and yoghurts that I know she'll eat, but when I rock up to pick her up she's always chewing on custard creams or packets of skips . Weird - my mum is an intelligent, educated woman but seems to have no concept of healthy eating at all. I think she just likes to 'treat' dd.

I digress. YANBU. Ignore her. You are the one in the right.

Cobweb95 · 17/03/2010 10:26

You don't have to tell your MIL what your dd has had to eat. It's none of her business. If she asks just keep it vague - "Oh she's had plenty so you won't need to feed her" or something like that.

My mum has a tendency to ask about every detail of our lives - I've had plenty of practice over the years at avoiding the questions. Unfortunately now the dcs are older she pumps them for the info I won't give her. She's a master manipulator....

MmeLindt · 17/03/2010 10:28

Actually, could you cook a wee bit extra the evening before she goes to MIL so that MIL can heat it up? It might guilt MIL into making something herself.

Original poster
ShinyAndNew · 17/03/2010 10:50

Yes I could cook more the evening before. I'll try that and see what happens then. I am fairly sure niether dd2 or mil would be happy with this.

I like mil, most of the time and she does help out with childcare and makes an effort with the children so I can't really complain about her, but I do feel a lot of the time like nothing I do will be good enough.

We had this when I lived close to her and she would see me and dd1 walking to the local cafe once a week for a takeout as a treat for her. I should have been 'cooking' for her before nursery not taking her out for sandwhiches.

If I didn't walk my dog past her house then of course I wasn't bothering walking it at all and she felt so sorry for her. It never occured to her that we could be walking the other way towards the park/my mums.

And of course nothing I do for her son is good enough. I should be getting up earlier to make him a hot breakfast before he goes to work and ironing his clothes for him. He shouldn't have to wait a while for his dinner when he comes home, it should be there waiting for him. That's what sil does.

OP posts:
yellowcircle · 17/03/2010 10:53

This is absolutely mad. The child's dinner was absolutely fine, plenty of nutrition. MIL is being very silly indeed.

Blu · 17/03/2010 10:58

Just carry on in whatever way suits you, and visualise MILs words, literally, as water off a duck's back.

Seriously. Unless THEY are the ones juggling a working day and cooking, and whilst the child is having nutritious food, what the hell does it matter what their opinion is. If your DH has the temerity to have an opinion, he is showing wise judgment in keetping it to himself.

ChippingIn · 17/03/2010 11:00

Bloody hell - she's lucky she's not burried in the veggie patch!!

Next time she says 'What did DD have for dinner?' simply say 'Why do you ask?' in a very casual manner - back foots most people!! She'll then be forced into saying something like 'I just wanted to check she's eaten' and you can just say 'Yes, she has, thanks for asking'.

'Why do you ask' - it's a very handy little reply!!

There is nothing wrong with what you DD had for dinner - nothing at all.

hanaflower · 17/03/2010 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MmeLindt · 17/03/2010 11:07

Actually, after your last post, I agree that she should be thankful she is not buried under the veg patch.

Don't pander to her. Give your DD a sandwich, or whatever she fancies and ignore your MIL.

Hot breakfast before he goes to work - DH would think that aliens had invaded my body if I did that.

Original poster
ShinyAndNew · 17/03/2010 11:16

No DH has hot breakfasts before he goes to work, that he perfectly able and willing to make for himself and often dd2. Even I was offered an omlette this morning because he bought too much ham yesterday. I think mil underestimates him a lot of the time. He didn't do much at her house because she always did it for him. I won't do it for him, so he has had to learn to do things for himself.

Dd2 choses her dinner on a Tuesday herself and yesterday she needed porridge apparently. I think this could have been because dd1 ate the last sachet for breakfast and dd2 had toast. She wanted porridge at breakfast time, so when she noticed I had bought more on my way home from work, she needed it.

I offered the extra stuff because I didn't think porridge would be enough, so we halfed the sarnie and apple and she ate a banana.

I don't have a veg patch so that is not an option, but I do have my name for an allotment

OP posts:
ArcticFox · 17/03/2010 11:22

Sounds fine to me - balanced meal and enough food. I think people just get into a mindset where certain foods are for certain meals.

Since I've been pregnant, I always have a cheese and tomato toasted sandwich and a banana for breakfast. When I told my friend, he said "you're weird". He has coco pops. I rest my case.

LisaD1 · 17/03/2010 11:34

It sounds fine to me, it's once a week not every day!

However, if you think your DH feels the same way too, how about just doing some pasta? Mine will happily eat the quick cook stuff with various fillings and it literally takes a couple of minutes, I then use a stir in sauce, and it's on the table in 5mins.

Mind you, I say that, but I know if my mil criticised what I feed my children I would be livid!

CirrhosisByTheSea · 17/03/2010 11:39

i think ChippinIn's "Why do you ask?" is a brilliant thing to remember. Answering a question with a question gives you the power back.

She really does sound awful, very undermining of you.

she sounds a bully, really. You do I think need to get VERY robust in your treatment of her; bullies ALWAYS back down when challenged. At the moment you sound quite downtrodden by her and she's clearly homing in on that.

If the 'why do you ask' thing isn't enough I would personally be tempted to challenge her much more directly. Not easy to do, upsetting for you no doubt, but worth it I am absolutely sure.

pranma · 17/03/2010 12:00

Shiny are you in the North East?[sorry off the point]
I think there is a balanced meal in what your dd has to eat.It is none of m-i-l's business.

Original poster
ShinyAndNew · 17/03/2010 12:03

I think I will remember "Why do you ask?" A lot of the time what she says goes over my head, especially the stuff about DH. But sometimes I feel myself getting wound up by what she says, even when I am 99% certain that what I have done/not done is not that bad.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShinyAndNew · 17/03/2010 12:05

Yes I am in NE. Why do you ask?

OP posts:
CirrhosisByTheSea · 17/03/2010 12:19

Shiny

BirdFromDaNorf · 17/03/2010 12:24

We or rather I, get this regularly from MIL.
ChippingIn - I love the "why do you ask". I will be implementing that one straight away )

ShinyAndNew - your dinner was and is fine. It's a good dinner. Bit of everything and it went in. Have a housepoint and find a nice way to tell MIL to naff off.

When you do find a nice way, let me know