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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be gutted that DD has to wear glasses

71 replies

mooki · 15/03/2010 20:59

She's 2.5. We hadn't noticed any problems but I asked to have her eyes tested as my eye sight was bad from birth.

I wore glasses from a very young age and whilst I don't remember being bullied about my specs particularly, I think it did contribute to poor self-esteem about my appearance that persists to this day.

I'm obviously very pleased that she will have better vision with her glasses and, through early treatment will potentially avoid a squint that might have developed without them. But she's an absolutely beautiful girl with gorgeous eyes and I am privately and silently (and ridiculously) sad at the thought of her with her little frames.

I suppose when she's much older maybe contact lenses would work; they don't for me because of what's wrong with my eyes and laser treatment doesn't work so well for long sight as short I've read. And I also hate the fact that I have to put my glasses on in the morning - you know, that I just can't function without them.

I haven't let any of this into my head around DD. I'm trying to make it sound really great that she gets to choose special glases and through some positive Charlie and Lola and Peppa Pig reinforcement, she was very happy to pick out some pink frames at the opticians today and wanted to take 'lots of pairs' home. At least there is a better choice than the 2 styles of nhs specs available when I was little.

The unreasonable version of this that I couldn't say out loud is the idea that although I am not attractive, through fluke I have managed to produce a beautiful daughter but now people won't think she's pretty because she wears glasses.

OP posts:

LilyBolero · 15/03/2010 22:15

Dd wears glasses - I was SO upset when she got them, but we are used to them, she loks very cute in them, and I really have got used to them. It is a shock, the things that upset me were;
her eyes being hidden behind lenses (superficial I know)
the idea of feeling metal between us when I gave her a kiss
the idea that she would have to 'cope' with glasses at school, and would be teased etc.

None of these were issues at all - she is still totally beautiful, and very happy with her glasses and the main thing is she can see properly now.

giveitago · 15/03/2010 22:15

YANBU

When ds started to wear glasses at 2 (and needs them forever) my initial though was that his eyes are ill and then I felt sad that his eyes are covered with plastic - he's got stunning big black eyes.

I didn't show him how I felt - he loves them and they now frame his beautiful black eyes which now can see better.

chipmonkey · 15/03/2010 22:16

mooki, I am an optometrist and see lots of children who are getting their first pair of specs and I'd say the majority of parents feel the same way about it as you do to start with.

But times have changed and the general consensus on the street is that children in glasses look extra cute in a milky-bar kid kind of way. And I have to say, that although I am not a big fan in general of TV characters marketing merchandise ( I have bought too many Ben 10 melamine bowls!)it does help hugely that you can get Action Man, Spongebob and Hannah Montana frames for children who are a bit iffy about wearing glasses.

And you are being great about it! Some parents have been known in our shop to exclaim loudly in front of the children how disappointed they are that their child needs glasses!

Also, are you sure you can't get contacts? We can fit most prescriptions nowadays, even with high hypermetropia and astigmatism. A good optometrist should be able to advise you.

Clary · 15/03/2010 22:22

Oh no, people will still think she is pretty.

And think how much better her life will be now she can see!

I wear glasses/lenses and didn't have them till I left Uni. I strongly suspect that if I had had them in secondary school I would have been a lot sportier (would have been able to see the ball!) which would have improved my life no end.

j0807bump · 15/03/2010 22:26

i'm ashamed to admit i felt exactly the same when DS got his.

i made the mistake of picking him out some 'cool' narrow framed ones which DH- a glasses wearer objected to saying he would peer over the top. which he of course did and i have had to relent, ask for another perscription and am going to get him some with larger frames asap

ashamed to say this was pure vanity but i don't think YABU. you can't turn off how you feel.

BrahmsThirdRacket · 15/03/2010 23:22

I'm not going to lie, having to wear glasses is a ballache I could do without. But it's not a big deal in the scheme of things, and contacts are amazing. It's bollocks though that men don't make passes at girls who wear glasses (not that you'll want that happening for a while, obv)

SparklyGothKat · 15/03/2010 23:36

My DD1 has wore glasses since she was 4 months old. I didn't like the glasses when she was smaller, but now she is almost 10 and wear plastic framed funky ones, I find it strange when she doesn't have them on (only in the bath and swimming) as she doesn't look like her IYKWIM. She can't see a thing without her glasses as she is very long sighted, has a squint and her left eye's vision is damaged so she can't see much out of that eye at all.

hmc · 15/03/2010 23:36

YABU - it is no biggie. I imagine there a lots of mumsnetters sitting on their hands right now wishing that's all their dc's had to contend with

weegiemum · 15/03/2010 23:39

My dd1 wears glasses now - she's 10.

She looks SO COOL in them, and loves them. Much cooler than I did at 13 when I got mine.

Hers are a "head" pair from the optician, pink and purple and gorgeous! She is beautiful anyway, the glasses just enhance that!

jellybeans · 16/03/2010 00:10

My DS needed glasses, I didn't care at all. That is because when he was born we were prepared for him being brain damaged if he actually survived. We also lost his sister late in pregnancy to serious genetic disorder. To us, glasses was nothing at all. I have a friend who was 'devastated' when her DD needed glasses but found it abit hard to relate. No-one wants their kid to be different etc or picked on but glasses are not really a big deal these days and there are far worse things.

EcoLady · 16/03/2010 00:25

My DD has worn glasses since 10 months. DH & I both wear glasses. DS actually feels left out because his vision is perfect, so in our family he's the one that's different!

Get over it. She needs them. There just is not the stigma that there was when we had crappy pink or blue NHS frames to chose from.

flier · 05/02/2011 08:16

Sorry to bump this thread, but I'm going through the same as the Opand felt too embarassed to post. Did a MN search though and this came up.

DD (4) is really quite long sighted in her left eye and so will need glasses. Can anyone with experience tell me if, at some point, she'll just have to wear them for reading, or will she have to wear them all day every day?

prescription is +2r +4.5L

Seona1973 · 05/02/2011 08:23

dd is +6 and +4.5 and has to wear her glasses all the time - she looks naked without them now. (she has worn them since she was 18 months and is now 7)

flier · 05/02/2011 08:23

Thanks Seona

SofiaAmes · 05/02/2011 08:24

ds has astymagtism in both eyes and wore glasses from 2.5 to 4.5 years. His eyes grew and he hasn't needed them since (he's 10 now). Dd had excellent eye sight, up until just recently (she's 8) and has just been prescribed glasses just for reading. Dr. didn't think she really needed them (very low low prescription), but since she's been whining about reading making her tired, we thought we'd try. Dd is thrilled as several girls in her class have gotten glasses recently and she was desperate for some too. They have so many super pretty styles now. Try looking online for even cheaper ones, once you have figured out what works for your dd.

valleyqueen · 05/02/2011 08:30

Just be thankful she doesn't have to wear a patch over her eye. During nursery and reception I wasn't valleyqueen but that girl with the patch on her eye. I was so happy to get my glasses. :) I am taking dd 12 for an eyetest next week as I have noticed her holding stuff further away, she wants glasses as they look cool :)

NacMacFeegle · 05/02/2011 08:35

DS1 has had them a year, his are also dark tinted so you really can't see his eyes. We've never had a negative comment, and he loves them.

savewaterdrinkwine · 05/02/2011 09:19

My 4 year old DD has worn glasses since she was 2yrs 2mths. She has a squint in one eye, astigmatisms in both and is very long sighted (Prescript. + 8.5 & 9.5). The turn is corrected with the glasses but the eye completely turns in without them. She also has Bilateral Amblyopia which is basically that both eyes are 'lazy' and has limited distance vision even with her glasses.

She has had Neurological Electrical Diagnostic Tests and is going on next week for an MRI scan to make sure there's nothing untoward going on behind her eyes.

My DD is cute and looks gorgeous in her glasses and her lenses are super thick which magnify her eyes. She has modern frames in pink and purple.

I totally understand how parents worry when their child has to wear glasses but truly there are far worse things that can happen.

JumpJockey · 05/02/2011 09:27

This is going waaaaay back in the thread but someone mentioned third world kids without glasses - you can donate old pairs to Vision Aid and they take them out and match them up to people who need glasses - over the years my family has passed on about 15 pairs as our eyes have got gradually worse!

And just to add, I've been in glasses for ever and while it's hard to begin with to get used to them, it meant I could see properly and suddenly school was so much more fun. DH describes the moment he got specs and looked at a tree, and suddenly realised they had leaves on them. It really does open the world back up to you.

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 05/02/2011 09:27

Seeker I think your dd sounds stunning with red hair and freckles I always wanted red hair to go with my pale eyes and freckles but had to settle for mousy brown.

DD has worn glasses since she was 2.
YANBU to feel a bit upset about it but I still think it is a litlle bit of an over reaction.
I was a bit upset when dd got her glasses, not because she has beautiful eyes (she does) and that they would be comvered but because from the age of 2 she was now stuck with them for the forseeable future. I find my own glasses annoying at times and I don't like lenses.

DD Loves her glasses and always has great fun picking new ones when the time comes and treats them well and truly like a fashion accessory.
In fact there are loads of her friends that would love to have Hannah Montana glasses or whtever it is this year.

redpanda13 · 05/02/2011 09:59

Mooki - you have posted exactly what I felt when DD needed glasses at 3. I kept telling her how lovely she looked in them and hiding how upset I was. She just did not look like my child in them. DD is also a quiet, serious child and I worried about teasing.

Two years on and I could not imagine her without them. She still looks beautiful with her glasses. More important she does not seem to dislike wearing them. She now has a patch which unfortunately she does hate. Luckily she only has to wear it for 2 hours a day.

This also sounds really terrible but DD seems to wield a power over little boys at such a young age. I am also a plain girl who managed to produce a gorgeous child. Wherever we go I am reminded of Scarlett O'Hara at the barbeque in Gone With The Wind. The glasses are ignored. Mooki people will still think your daughter is beautiful.

femalevictormeldrew · 05/02/2011 12:23

seeker

My dd has drawn the "sort straw" ( in the opinion of narrow minded people who don't think) because she wears glasses, has freckles, red hair and a posh accent.

Your DD sounds like a beautiful little girl, and if anyone says otherwise send them my way. My DH had really red hair when he was young but it seems to have gotten darker with the years. So far we have a blonde, a strawberry blonde and awaiting next September to see what colour the next one will be! If I get a little un like you described I will be delighted!

Journey · 05/02/2011 12:46

I can't believe how shallow the op is. So the op thinks that people will no longer think her DD is pretty because she wears glasees - get a grip. I think you need to sort out your own self-esteem issues rather than indirectly implying that kids who wear glasses are unattractive.

Rhinestone · 05/02/2011 12:51

Mooki - I knew I was short sighted at about the age of 9 as suddenly the blackboard at school became all blurry. I remember telling my Mum that I thought I needed glasses and her telling me not to be so silly and did I really want to wear glasses because they were so ugly.

I struggled along at school, not being able to see, school
work suffered etc until I was 14 when we had an eye test at school and my mother got a letter home. Of course in that time my eyesight had got much worse and glasses were such a relief by then.

Don't worry about it - she's still beautiful! And let her do all the usual sport, swimming etc.

edam · 05/02/2011 13:00

Kids these days love glasses and the ones with normal vision are v. jealous of those who wear them. Ds spent ages fibbing that everything was blurry after one of his friends got glasses (I'd taken him for an eye test just before this so knew he was telling porkies.) Completely different to when we were at school ourselves.

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