to ask DH not to go to his friend's house and certainly never ever take the DCs there

[tummytime]

because they have a 'pet' python called monty. It has a cage but tends to roam free because it is happier like that.

I'm absolutely terrified of all snakes and would panic the whole time he was there even probably if the snake was shut away.

I'm happy for him to meet up with them anywhere else or have them over (without monty) but DH wants to go over as he's jealous of their AV equipment and wants to have a proper look so he thinks I'm being silly as monty is not big.

So AIBU or ridiculous?

YABU - and even more to pass on your issues about snakes to the children

YABU

YABU - a large dog could eat your child just as easily as a snake could. A cat could scratch your eyes out if it chose to, let alone a child's.

I think you abu to ask your dh to not go, but I can understand you not wanting your dc to go.

I am terrified of snakes.

I haven't passed my issues about snakes onto the children a) they're only little and b) don't know they've been invited to these friends. I've already said I can't make a visit and explained why - they understand. Dh doesn't.

YABU

It's fine for you not to go as they have a snake and you are scared of snakes, but silly to expect your DH not to go when he is not scared.

YABU.

YABU.Please don't pass on your phobia to your children. I know it's difficult but it's much better for them if they don't share your phobia.

Sorry, but I agree with the other posters. YABU, your phobia is your phobia, not your DH's or your DC's.

YABU. WHy on earth do you need to keep DH or the dc away from a snake just because you are scared?

I don't understand your reasoning. What do you think will happen?

Is your dh the approximate size and shape of a baby antelope?

If not I wouldn't worry.

I don't know how big the snake is. Certainly not as big as zoo pythons but big enough to do some serious damage to our friend's arm when he'd been playing with his niece's rabbit.

They'll be fine so long as your dcs aren't around it without supervision.

Your friend made a stupid mistake. I'm sure he knows that now.
It's a bad idea to handle anything that smells like food then handle the snake without washing one's hands first. It's an easy mistake to make though.
I'm sure your dh/dcs won't be doing the same.

YABU

I would simply insist that monty is put away whenever your child visits, and certainly that he isn't hungry! Seriously. I would also want your DH to be vigilant re salmonella if your child wants to stroke the snake - not a problem if he washes his hands straight afterwards.

I can understand your concerns but you do have to try not to pass it on, its easier said than done - i'm terrified of spiders but do my best to make them sound cute etc whenever we see one with DD as it was my mother's fear of spiders that made me so scared. I'm sure she didnt do it on purpose.

FWIW i like snakes and used to have them but i think they make rubbish pets and actually, its not very good from an animal welfare point of view. Thats another thread for another forum i guess

I think that it will irrationally attack and eat my baby DS and 2yo DD, and then break DH's arm or possibly leg. I haven't decided which.

DCs really don't know anything about this phobia and I do intend to keep it that way. I have tried to do the desensitisation thing but was too frightened for that so generally I just avoid reptile houses at zoos and that works fine.

DH doesn't like snakes but isn't frightened of them and they certainly don't outweigh gazing lustfully at swanky AV equipment.

I might suggest DH can go when he can remove his own spiders from the shower instead of screaming asking me to do it for him.

YANBU to not let your children go there if the man looking after it is dumb enough to handle a snake after handling a rabbit!
YABU to expect your DH not to go if he has no problem with it.
I have never picked up phobias that my parents or siblings have, i don't believe that past a certain age that you can just be scared of something because your parent is.

i think it's the law that all pythons have to be called monty!

oh fgs it is perfectly reasonable to have a phobia about snakes.

No one needs to like them, just as we don't need to like crocodiles or tigers. You don't have to associate with people who feel the need to keep them as "pets", I wouldn't allow my kids to go into a house with a snake or any other animal I didn't like in it. Hell there are some houses where I don't like the husband of the house, I don't let my DC's go there either.

YABU

You are not there so your fear of snakes is irrelevant and you are being very mean to not allow dh to go. Are you his mother?

I'm not allowing or forbidding DH to go. I asked if IABU to ask him not to go and not to take the children. I agree I probably am being unreasonable to worry about him going but will remind him to wash very carefully before and after and not play with our cats before going over even if monty is in the cage.

I don't think IABU about the DCs as they won't know either way. Friends don't have DCs so monty isn't used to children and they're too little to be left without very close supervision. So, I will look after the DCs instead of shopping doing very cultural things while DH goes round to our friends. I'll then try to get everyone together for lunch out somewhere.

YANBU it's an f-ing snake!

YABU asking your dh not to go, he is an adult and should be able to make his own decisions, you sound a bit controlling on that part, but YANBU to not want your children to go.