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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask DH not to go to his friend's house and certainly never ever take the DCs there

44 replies

tummytime · 15/03/2010 16:03

because they have a 'pet' python called monty. It has a cage but tends to roam free because it is happier like that.

I'm absolutely terrified of all snakes and would panic the whole time he was there even probably if the snake was shut away.

I'm happy for him to meet up with them anywhere else or have them over (without monty) but DH wants to go over as he's jealous of their AV equipment and wants to have a proper look so he thinks I'm being silly as monty is not big.

So AIBU or ridiculous?

OP posts:

iggi999 · 15/03/2010 20:29

YANBU. DH will be absorbed in the AV equipment and not properly watching the DCs. Either you need to go too or not let DCs go. I'd feel the same if the friends had a dog you weren't confident about. As far as I'm aware snakes are not pack animals and have no desire to please their owners, so if they wanted to eat they would eat!
Life is stressful enough.

tiredlady · 15/03/2010 20:46

YANBU.

I would not let my dcs go to a house if there was an aggressive dog there.

You have no idea if this snake is "agressive" or not, therefore it is entirely reasonable of you to ask if the snake could be locked in it's tank/cage for the duration of your dcs visit.

If the snake is locked up then I can see nothing wrong with the visit

fernie3 · 15/03/2010 21:11

YANBU to ask him not to take the children. You would be unreasonable to tell him not to go himself though.

Helena1964 · 15/03/2010 21:19

YANBU, especially since Monty is allowed to roam free. ( And I've heard that those snakes are so strong that they can sometimes break out of their tanks.) Here in the US, one escaped its enclosure, slithered through the house, entered a baby's room, got into her crib, and killed her.

aactionmum · 15/03/2010 21:30

YANBU
Snakes are wild animals! Unlike cats and dogs etc that can be more predictable, sociable and more used to being with people.
I don't think you're passing your phobia by trying to prevent your children from going to this house. Snakes are not pets!!

SolidGoldBrass · 15/03/2010 21:42

YABU to ask your H not to go (you are not his keeper), but it's OK to keep the DC away, as it';s quite likely that your friends would rather not have the hassled of keeping their snake safe from inquisitive toddlers.

LetThereBeRock · 15/03/2010 21:46

Reading through it again I see your children are very young, so YANBU not to want them around the snake but it is still unreasonable imho to ask your dp not to go there.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 16/03/2010 07:59

YABU. It is a python not a cobra, I think pythons take a while to crush you rather than a spit that can kill virtually instantly.
What is an AV by the way?

Original poster

tummytime · 16/03/2010 09:56

AV - audiovisual equipment. They have a very flashy home cinema and DH is a little jealous...

I do see I'm being unreasonable about DH. I think I would be too worried about damage to limbs of the DC - I don't think crushing to death is very likely but badly broken bones may be more so.

I think I also feel slightly annoyed with DH that he knows that I am frightened of snakes and is trying to push it a bit so that I end up looking after the DCs and he can play in peace but that is another thread...

Still, emotionally I just want to say its a snake FGS. Keep away!

OP posts:

mayorquimby · 16/03/2010 11:11

"oh fgs it is perfectly reasonable to have a phobia about snakes.
"

surely no phobias are reasonable though, aren't they by definition an irrational fear?

Original poster

tummytime · 16/03/2010 11:20

I think snakes are a perfectly rational fear! Many can kill and the ones that do are pretty unpleasant about it so best to keep out of their way completely so as not to confuse a really nasty one with a sweet fluffy friendly one.

OP posts:

tallulahbelly · 16/03/2010 11:29

I think you're mixing it up with a swan tummytime

mayorquimby · 16/03/2010 11:34

yes but surely there'sa difference between a healthy respect for their dangers which would not go into being a phobia. for example I have a phobia of heights. Now there is a rational fear of heights where a fall could result in injury or death and there's me who would be afraid at a great height even when on a secure structure. Ditto spiders,yes there are those that can kill but there's no rational reason to have a fear of spiders to the extent that some people have in a country like Ireland where there are no harmful spiders.
That's what I meant, being afraid of a snake that is a threat to you is rational,as someone said above we would be the same about a crocodile or tiger, but being afraid of them when they are not a threat (such as in a zoo) is not reasonable. That's all I meant, not trying to insult anyone it was just always my understanding that for something to cross over from having a problem or fear of something to be classed as a phobia it had to be irrational and was just looking for clarrification.

mayorquimby · 16/03/2010 11:35

hence why i was just questioning the use of "reasonable phobia" for my own curiosity rather than judging anyone

mrsbean78 · 16/03/2010 11:40

By definition, a phobia is an irrational fear of something that shouldn't be feared e.g. brown paper bags.

It is reasonable to be afraid of a snake that roams freely around a house and has bitten an adult.

It is reasonable to be afraid that a snake that is not properly caged and owned by someone who did not realise that it was Not A Good Idea to handle his snake after handling a rabbit might harm small children (who are notoriously poor at following adult instructions in handling animals and certainly won't know if they currently smell of food or not).

pearlym · 16/03/2010 11:48

yanbu - her is, this sort of large snake it a risk, albeit small but should the risk eventuate, the consequences would be appalling

ps. i have a worm phobia, so gos knows haow you feel about snakes!

ToccataAndFudge · 16/03/2010 11:50

"Is your dh the approximate size and shape of a baby antelope?"

read this and actually snorted audibly - DS3 just asked me what I was doing

midori1999 · 16/03/2010 12:23

Yes, YABVU. 'python' covers a whole group of snakes, and the most commoly kept in this country and beginner snake is a Royal Python, which are pretty harmless to humans because they are very placid by nature and they are too small to do any real damage, even to a small child. Even a severe bi8te wouldn't cause a ridiculous amount of damage, even if it was a feeding response. (which, if the owner had handled a rabbit, it would be).

I would be concerned that the owner was such a numpty that he thought his snake was 'happier' loose in the room/house though, because there is no way he could know that and it is likely to be too cold for the snake.

If it is a big python, such as a Burmese, then ti is not unreasonable to ask for it to be put away when your DH or DC visit, but really, don't deny you chldren the pleasure. I keep a large number of snakes, around 50 plus and children are fascinated by them and find them amazing. It is great for children to be able to learn about different animals, especially ones as interesting as snakes. There is a small salmonella risk, but as long as your DC wash their hands, they will be fine.

intercoursethepenguin · 16/03/2010 12:38

YABU Monty Python is a national treasure.

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