..to be suspicious now..

[SpiritualKnot]

Hi there,

Been posting threads about my marriage break down, that's been happening over the last week. Thanks for the support by the way.

Last night did a list of my incoming and outgoings money wise. This morning I thought I'd look at what dh earned and checked his last bank statement. I noticed that 3 days before he told me he wanted to leave, there was a purchase at a jewellery shop.

Just checked online and the only thing at that price are gold earrings for pierced ears (I haven't pierced ears). He did meet up with his sister and he often buys her gifts, but this purchase was before they'd arranged to meet up.

Automatically suspected an affair, but he was very flash with the cash when we first met so I would have expected to see meals and other purchases too, although this purchase was near the end of the bank statement, so may be at the start of any relationship.

Would others be suspicious as well? I'm not going to ask him about this. I've never suspected him before and I want to check the next bank statement when it comes, so don't want him hiding it. Someone on here queried an affair and I said "no way", but am not so sure now. Did ask him after it was suggested on here but he said he wasn't...but would expect that answer either way.

SK

Could you somehow find out from his sister? If he didn't buy them online then there might be more things in the actual shop that are that price, as some places don't always have everything on their website.

I would be suspicious too tbh especially with the marraige problems alongside this.

I think if he was having an affair and was buying gifts etc hed surely buy them using cash hed withdrawn???

Just got back in now and there's some post. One is for him and it's an invoice from the same jewellers.

Not sure what to do. He's in bed-working nights at the moment. Why does a jeweller send an invoice? He's already paid, according to the bank statement.

SK

Just go and ask him.

He's asleep at the moment, but think I'll do that. Doubt I'll be able to stop myself. I think it was probably something for his sister, he likes to show them how generous he is.

There's still a niggle though, for 2 reasons: (1) that he says if he goes he doubt he'll ever come back and (2) that he says he can't see himself being on his own for long as he hates being on his own.

SK

Sod the sleep, wake him up and ask.

wake him up & ask him to explain the invoice ,

So he is threatening you now and wouldn't be alone for long?

Help him back, you wouldn't want to deny another woman his love would you.

Bloody hell.

Invoice could be for an online purchase, if the item was sent to another address? Less of an invoice, more of a confirmation of despatch IYSWIM. Could he have e.g. sent his mother/sister a gift for Mothers' Day/birthday/event?

Seems rather sloppy if it's a secret affair, but would probably be in line with the rest of his behaviour SK.

Just asked him out of the blue, off guard etc. How come there's an invoice from the jewellers. Apparently he'd bought me a pair of earrings for mothers day but sent them back since we're now splitting up. No way would he have just made it up,just woken up.

Fraid that's very inkeeping with him, so it'll be true.

Ah well, mind's at rest.

Sorry about that false alarm.

SK

He said he didn't think he'd be alone for long?
Sorry, but he's having an affair. That totally unnecessary piece of information would confirm it for me. Even without having read your previous threads.

But SK Just cos you are splitting up doesnt mean you arent entitled to a mothers day present!

Personally I would be thinking yes possibly an affair but the truth is irrelevant he is still going. You need to think carefully how important finding out whether he is or not. Dont spend too much energy and time on it when what you should be doing is looking after yourself x

help him pack

Didn't he know you dont have pierced ears?

IME people who have affairs are very good at thinking on their feet even when they have just woken up.

Find it odd that he would buy you ear rings when your ears arent pierced.

And he's a knob for sending them back - you are still mother to his children.

Why would he buy you earrings if you don't have pierced ears?

You really should be opening that letter. Don't you think he has prepared an answer in case you found out something?

You can't send pierced earrings back. I would open the letter and then ask him again. Say why would he buy pierced earrings as surely he knows yours aren's and also what onadietcokebreak said, you should still get a mothers day gift since that's from dc not him. Tell him you'll expect one every year even if you have split up!!

sorry but yanbu to be suspicious. Why would he buy you earrings if your ears aren't pierced and also generally you can't return earrings for pierced ears.

x post with eddas

Eddas I thought that too....you cant return pierced earnings.

You can get an invoice if you buy something with a deposit etc. DH bought me earrings for my birthday last year that he had made after choosing the stones. He paid a deposit and then paid the balance when he picked them up.

Did you open the invoice? Have no advice to offer, but just wanted to point out that jewellers often sell things with payment of a deposit and the remainder paid later.

He just caught me replying so may finish abruptly.
Can't find the invoice to check
Not unusual for him to buy me the wrong thing, ears closed up years ago, but his mum has bought me pierced earrings in past and I've forced them in, so he prob thinks they're still pierced.
Will keep looking for the invoice.

SK