..to be suspicious now..

[SpiritualKnot]

Hi there,

Been posting threads about my marriage break down, that's been happening over the last week. Thanks for the support by the way.

Last night did a list of my incoming and outgoings money wise. This morning I thought I'd look at what dh earned and checked his last bank statement. I noticed that 3 days before he told me he wanted to leave, there was a purchase at a jewellery shop.

Just checked online and the only thing at that price are gold earrings for pierced ears (I haven't pierced ears). He did meet up with his sister and he often buys her gifts, but this purchase was before they'd arranged to meet up.

Automatically suspected an affair, but he was very flash with the cash when we first met so I would have expected to see meals and other purchases too, although this purchase was near the end of the bank statement, so may be at the start of any relationship.

Would others be suspicious as well? I'm not going to ask him about this. I've never suspected him before and I want to check the next bank statement when it comes, so don't want him hiding it. Someone on here queried an affair and I said "no way", but am not so sure now. Did ask him after it was suggested on here but he said he wasn't...but would expect that answer either way.

SK

Sorry but I think he is talking crap.

His statement that he doesn't think he will be alone for long as he doesn't like it is a hint that he has already found someone. Why say it otherwise?

You are still the mother of his children therefore would still deserve a mothers day present surely?

SK, if he is having an affair, it could work to your advantage. He is shilly-shallying about moving out despite having told you he wants to leave, and this is really hurting you. With an affair, he has somewhere to go, you can tell him to pack his bags and move in with her. It would take a little bit of the wind out of the sails of this powerplay he's on.

Update.
He's just admitted he has another woman and the earrings were for her. Just told me tonight

APOLOGIES for not believing those who said there must be someone else and feel stupid now for sticking up for him

SK

You don´t need to apologise to anybody..

Denial is a very human and natural emotion.

I hope you´re ok..

So sorry to hear this.

Are you OK?

Sorry to hear that. But at least now you know and can go from there.

Cowardly of him. but then most adulterers are cowards.

I'd hoped you were right. So sorry to hear he has been cheating. I'm glad you know though, it's not good to be constantly thinking the worst, mind working overtime and thinking you're going mad and are imagining it all.

Big {{{{hugs}}}}} to you. I hope you are as ok as you can be

I'm ok, upset, but ok.
Doing a talk tomorrow at work, so got to hold it together until after that.

Came out when I said I was thinking of seeing a solicitor but was very expensive and that I'd have to list and exaggerate all our problems over the last year to help out case.

He said "would it change anything if there was another woman involved?" ie would I have to say less awful things about him. I asked then if there was and he said yes, but it hadn't started until he'd left me. I asked if the earrings he'd bought were for her and he said yes, I pointed out that he'd bought them 3 days before he told me he was leaving.

Nice eh?

SK

sorry to hear that, SK

now you know the truth, what are you going to do ?

So sorry SK, I feared the worst when you were posting recently but didn't want to bring up the earrings again.

Is he still drinking excessively?

Going to keep the appt with the solicitor I've made. Not even sure what their role is, just know they're expensive. I'm taking mortgage details and bank statements from me and hubby with me.

We've agreed to keep our own pensions and that's about it really/ will stay in this house and continue to pay the mortgage. He's been giving me £500 a month towards our outgoings and mortgage and all bills have come out of my account. He's cut this to £300 a month now that he's moved out.

SK

Hi Mal,

Don't know about his drinking. Maybe it's lessened, afterall it was me that drove him to drink

SK

I should have realised. I've been married to him for 19 years and he's never ever bought me a present or even a card on Mother's day, as he always says I'm not his mother.

SK

Don't beat yourself up about not realising SK, he's moving out now and you can move on with your life.

It can't be easy after 19 years, but I think you're better off without him.

I used a solicitor for my Divorce it cost £600 which I paid (this was 9 years ago) and they then invoiced my ex and repaid me half. It meant I didn't have to appear in court to submit any of the paperwork which emotionally I don't think I could of coped with at the time. I had no idea he was messing around either.. Hind sight is fab though the glaringly obvious signs I ignored. Stay strong and keep it together its not easy but I'm glad looking back I kept a bit of dignity! Lots of love

poor SK, sorry to read this

shit really does happen eh

hope you can get through this with dignity

I hate to generalise but men always seem to move on faster, FUCKS ME RIGHT OFF

XX