to not want to be asked whether I'm "still" breastfeeding?

[WidowWadman]

The daughter is 15 months old, and actually I'm quite fed up with bf myself, but still do it evening and weekends, trying to keep it to only in my own home.

I'm having a hard time and feel quite torn about it.

I'm not really talking much to people about it, other than my husband or friends I asked for advice.

I'm living in a different country to my family, so they see me twice a year. Last time was when the little one was 10 months old, and apart from my teenage niece who was weirded out, nobody had a problem with it. I'm discrete and not evangelical about it. I never planned to do it that long, but it's more by accident, because it suited us and is less faff than bottles.

Why o why do my mum and my sister have to ask me every bleedin time we talk on the phone whether I'm still breastfeeding? And when I say yes, pass judgement and tell me to stop, because the daughter is allegedly too old, and has teeth and bites. Well she has teeth, but she doesn't bite. But since I'm not in yer face about it all, why bring it up? Why criticise? And why do they not understand that it's not as easy as simply not doing it anymore? I don't think my sister's experience of weaning my niece onto the bottle at 4 months is comparable with trying to wean a toddler.

My mum in the mean time started to understand that it's pissing me off and became a little bit more supportive, but I resent that the rest of the world sees me as a crazed lentilknitter who either forces her boob onto her child for her own gratification or who is simply a pushover who's got no control.

I find it pretty hurtful. And I don't get why they can't leave me alone about it, when I neither preach about it nor force them to watch it.

It seems I can't do nothing right.

I knew it would be a 15 month old or there abouts.

Vastly generalising a bit, of course, feeding babies up to 6 month is seen as all rather admirable. Under the year, you might get the odd glare, but nothing much...

As you tip the year mark, you become a fully fledged wierdo, and anyone who feels suitably involved (close family, best mate etc) now feels free to tell you you need to let go, that you don't have your own life etc etc,

IME, there is an inverse relationship here, and the older your tot - God Forbid - child gets, the more distant are the willing freinds/ relies who will feel able to help you see the error of your ways.

I have always been open about feeding DD, as I think it is a little sad about how many women feel the need to go underground... and now that DD is nearly 4 have rather lost count of the nubmer of people who have told me off for bf-ing.

Last week, was a new low - the GP tried to give me a 5 day course of antibiotics that I couldn't take whlst bfing.
"I'm bf-ing" I informed her.
"But your DD is nearly 4"
"Yes, I know. I was there (at the birth) and I'm still bfing her"
"But doesn't she eat?"

My practical advice...at your stage, I used to tell people I was aiming for the WHO minimum of 2 years. I wasn't - but it does get them off your back... and for another 9 months too!

There are lots of benefits to bf-ing, and you will find people who are positive about it. TBH, I have given up trying to convince others with the evidnce, however I think it is helpful to read it to reassure yourself. It is hard to keep the faith when people are needlessly critical of you. I found a book called "Mothering your nursing toddler" very supportive.

Overall, it is your body and your baby. Don't let them get to you - and remember, that not only is your baby lucky by UK standards... across the world, his experience of long term bf-ing is typical.

sorry - I mean her experience of long term bf-ing

JemL that sounds like a good response. I find it weird when people expect mothers to stop bfing at 6 months old - why would you???

I find it really strange that people are so fascinated to know whether or not someone is BFing. I suppose it's a normal enough question from family or the GP but from anyone else it seems odd after a certain stage. Who cares either way?

If it's any consolation, I almost had the opposite problem, where no one was asking if I was still BFing, but my family would have probably wondered why I stopped (at 17 months). My SIL BF all hers until around 3.5 and I felt huge pressure to BF, despite having big problems with it initially.

I am just staggered at the way people are so bloody judegmental about other people's feeding choices - I just honestly do not understand it.

I ff my DD from 10 days, and always felt regretful/ slightly inadequate, as I thought that bf was "the ideal".

I am now bf my 5 month DS (after getting much better support this time around) but feel judged by friends/ family/ complete strangers at every turn. I just DON'T get it! Why does anyone care how I feed my babies? Mind your own business people!

I am still BFing my 15 mo DS too.

A friend was recently in India with her DS (15 mo too) and she had to take him to the doctor. The doctor didn't ask whether she was BFing, but simply how many times a day she was BFing. It was assumed that she would be.

Interesting how views of BFing vary so widely across countries.

Hope your family gets the hint somehow and leaves you and your DD to do whatever works for you both!

I'm still feeding my 18month old.

My mum occasionally asks "so how long do you think you'll carry on for?" as if it's mearly a polite enquiry. she's generally supportive though.

I'm 6 week pg and not particularly planning to stop. Am sure bf while pg will raise eyebrows.

if ds doesn't wean himself (common during pg apparently, it changes taste) then we may end up tandem feeding though I'm not really sure how I feel about that yet.

I got this a lot with DS1, no overt criticism as such but a lot of "Doesn't he bite?" (er, no) and "When is he going to have a bottle?" (er, never).

I did find as he got older that the comments tailed off... in the end I weaned him at 20mo when I was pg with DS2. Now people don't even bother asking whether I'm still feeding DS2 (11mo)!

WidowWadman - move to Berkeley!

Seriously, I was one of the first of my friends to stop BF (cos baby actually weaned himself - which I thought never happens but does, actually) at 13 months. My other friends fed until anywhere from 14 months through 4.5. It's all viewed as completely normal here and no one gives a flying fuck if you whip a tit out in the middle of play group or whathaveyou.

So, yeah, come join us raging hippies out in California!

It's odd, even my mother, who was AP before the term AP was being slung around (baby slings, co-sleeping, etc) thinks I'm a bit odd for breastfeeding past a year. I mean, she hasn't said so exactly, but there's lots of comments about how it becomes more about the mother's needs than the child's.

But most of my friends breastfeed for so long - 2 years is standard, 3 years isn't unusual - that my attempts to wean at 15 months (we've been slowly weaning since 12 months, but keep getting set back with tummy bugs and things) are also seen as strange.

Can't win. Don't want to. Not a competition.

Thanks all for your replies. I feel a bit better now. I've explained to my mother how I feel and she's much more understanding now. Not sure about talking to my sister, I'm still angry about the retching noise she made when I replied "yes" to the question.

I've also talked to a peer supporter, and she helped loads, too.

14hourstillbedtime - I've no problems locally, it's seems very normal to breastfeed in York, I don't see bottles much.

I would be angry at your sister too ww. Think I would just look her in the eye and ask her exactly what she means by that?
Anyway sweet fa to do with her, glad your mum is understanding a bit more