to not want to be asked whether I'm "still" breastfeeding?

[WidowWadman]

The daughter is 15 months old, and actually I'm quite fed up with bf myself, but still do it evening and weekends, trying to keep it to only in my own home.

I'm having a hard time and feel quite torn about it.

I'm not really talking much to people about it, other than my husband or friends I asked for advice.

I'm living in a different country to my family, so they see me twice a year. Last time was when the little one was 10 months old, and apart from my teenage niece who was weirded out, nobody had a problem with it. I'm discrete and not evangelical about it. I never planned to do it that long, but it's more by accident, because it suited us and is less faff than bottles.

Why o why do my mum and my sister have to ask me every bleedin time we talk on the phone whether I'm still breastfeeding? And when I say yes, pass judgement and tell me to stop, because the daughter is allegedly too old, and has teeth and bites. Well she has teeth, but she doesn't bite. But since I'm not in yer face about it all, why bring it up? Why criticise? And why do they not understand that it's not as easy as simply not doing it anymore? I don't think my sister's experience of weaning my niece onto the bottle at 4 months is comparable with trying to wean a toddler.

My mum in the mean time started to understand that it's pissing me off and became a little bit more supportive, but I resent that the rest of the world sees me as a crazed lentilknitter who either forces her boob onto her child for her own gratification or who is simply a pushover who's got no control.

I find it pretty hurtful. And I don't get why they can't leave me alone about it, when I neither preach about it nor force them to watch it.

It seems I can't do nothing right.

Breastfed DD til she was 2 and a bit (quite a big bit) I stopped telling people or avoided the subject as most people were unsupportive .My mum however much to my surprise told me I was brilliant and should be proud of myself . Ignore them OP and do what you feel happiest doing.

If you find it hard to confront the issue on the phone, how about sending an email? But also explain why you are sending an email rather then talking to them about it.

There's nothing wrong or weird about what you are doing. IMO what is wrong is them impressing their opinion on you. It's none of their business.

i bf until ds was nearly 3 and i dont give a flying shit what anyone thinks, i gave my ds the best possible start i could so arf

Oh and Supersmartmum piss off your just a twunt with nothing better to do on a Sunday evening than post wind up crap

I think you do need to tell them that it upsets you and I agree that an email is a good way to do it so you can say how you feel without being interrupted. Maybe you could send them some articles showing how good it is for your DD. You are doing the best thing for her and it's brilliant that you're still feeding at 15 months.

You are not alone (I'm still feeding my 17 mo old DD), is there a LLL group or something near you or anything where you can meet other mums that are feeding older babies and toddlers?

I would be sorely tempted to reply to the "are you still breastfeeding?" question with "have you still not read the WHO recomendations on breastfeeding until at least 2 years of age?" [wink}

WidowWadman I really sympathise. DS is 15months and I am also "still" breastfeeding.

If you want reasons to continue, here's one ...

DS got a horrible stomach bug last week. He lost his appetite completely - he had no interest in food, and could hardly hold anything down. It was horrible, he was really miserable. He also refused to drink water from a beaker which could have been a real problem because the Drs main concern was dehydration with the puking and diarrhea. But despite having no appetite, he still wanted to BF, so he was still getting some liquids and nutrition - in fact probably the best he could possibly get actually. When he started recovering he spent ages at my boob, like when he was little. It was what he needed and I'm sure it helped him get better and ward off dehydration. I'm was so glad I'm "still" BFing last week so that I could be there for him. What would we have done without it I wonder?

HTH

I do sympathise. I thik sopme people have been brought up to think that bf is somehow not 'naice'. A bit earthy. So much more civilised to use a bottle. . Takes a lot to get them out of that mindset. Anyhoo...

ust for info, I bf dd until one week before her 1st birthday. Then she refused. Totally refused, no warning. So stopping bf can happen suddenly.

Fed DS for 2 years 4 months, he only stopped as DD was on the way.
On the rare occasions someone commented, I'd just say, in my famous leaden tone "So, you know better than the World Health Organisation, do you?"
If anyone just asked, rather than commented, they got a simple "Yes", in a neutral tone.

No you are not being unreasonable. It?s incredibly annoying. I find issues, such as feeding past the baby stage, or co-sleeping to be fraught because you are not allowed to complain, whinge, or discuss the downsides without it being a springboard for others to tell you to

But you are unlikely to change their opinion of feeding past a year as being ?de trop? by shoving WHO guidelines in their faces, or showing them videos, or books. I think you?re going to have to either lie, or deflect, or tell them it?s a non-negotiable subject matter, unless they can just be a good listener and offer that kind of support.

My mother, a bit of a hippie herself in her day and who fed me to about 9 months (which was a fair old while in them thar days), also is a bid edgy about it. While she doesn?t see it as odd, in and of itself, she sees it as an opportunity of me being a bit ?soft? ? an implication I really resent as I wished that as a mother she?d look kindly on the job I?m doing (and I think I?m doing ok) and have more grace and tact. It?s the same with co-sleeping. In fact that?s really the thing she asks about all the time.

For what it?s worth, I demand feed my 17 month old daughter and mostly love it and don?t plan to stop (although have asked about fertility and possible stopping in another thread). But it?s a qualified ?love?. She?s a big talker and can be very vocal when we?re out and about and although I don?t mind feeding her in public if I can?t distract her (for example when I?ve met her at my work), I?m beginning to get the odd look. She also can be very pinchy/scratchy/standuppy when she?s tired or teething and that can really set my teeth on edge. Last night, for example, was awful and IO got quite angry inside. But other nights are absolutely lovely. Swings and. I?m just on balance preferring carrying on to the pain of stopping. Plus I like the fact I can reconnect/feed her to sleep quickly on days I?ve been working.

Hope you can get some good advice on stopping. I am looking ahead to maybe stopping in 4-6 months myself so will read with interest.

"being a springboard for others to tell you to ... to stop" sry, have a habit of trailing off. I blame the lack of sleep

I tell family and friends that I'll feed my son (now 14 mo) until he's 21 (years) or so, and that I won't sort him his own bedroom out until he's thirty. And then I say La La La LA La, I can't hear you.

Actually, a while ago I got really pissed off with the 'subtle' (felt snide) comments and thinly veiled abhorrence. Family otherwise lovely so I decided on one more 'nice' tactic before telling them all to bog off: I sent one key family member an email with links to the WHO guidelines and other evidence. I used phrases like "As we were talking about feeding little Johnny the other day I thought you might like to know a bit more about..." and "I thought it was all a bit weird before I learnt more about it, too" and "I do want Johnny to grow up and need me less and less, he's already doing X & Y, which is great" and "it makes sense to me that letting a child give up in their own time fosters independence and confidence and that's what I want for Johnny"

And I finished with "I know you love Johnny and want the best for him, so I thought it would be nice to explain a bit more why I'm still b/fing"

I was fully prepared after that to answer all Qs with "Didn't you read my emamil?" and/or 'snout out' (love that!) but the email itself's been enough - everyone's studiously avoided the subject since, and I'm much happier. Perhaps similar might work for you, OP. Good luck with it anyway and if there's a LLL near you join it and make some natural term bf friends - they don't have to replace your old mates but I for one love not being weird to all of my friends, just some.

...not being considered weird by all my friends, just by some

Poor you. Just ignoring their comments is not an option? I know my mum gives me a lot of well meant and unwelcome advice / opinion and it's just water off a duck's back, but then I've had 36 years of practice

I am 'still' bfing my 11 month old although it's only mornings now but I am so with you on it being so much more practical than making up bottles, and I can also relate to the not being sure how to stop it. So, you are not alone and you're doing something great for your child, and it's just between her and you really and noone else's business. Chin up

I have never for one moment thought I was being 'soft' and on the contrary think I'm (we're) being quite 'strong' doing it for this long when others have had enough. Says something about my stubborn character

I can't see on the one hand the WHO advising 2 years, but on the other, it being something only pusillanimous mothers do. Plus, my DD LOVES it so much, and is very gregarious and confident and happy, so it can't be doing her that much harm.

Hey
If you think that's bad, try conversations with a MIL who thinks that it's excessive to feed a baby at 3 months! "Sure you've done enough, would you not give it up? Isn't it very TYING? You never get a BREAK. He seems very HUNGRY. Would he not be dying for a bit of RICE. Sure he'll NEVER sleep through without a bit more food.' etc.

Can't wait to see the reaction to baby led weaning

mini rant I don't understand why people expect you to explain parenting decisions and feel they have a right to an opinion about it. If you want advice on a subject...such as stopping BF, weaning, co-sleeping..whatever...then you would ask and they are free to spout their ideas/opinions...unless asked, MYOB!

I would say

yes I am still BF, and intend to continue/wean .....whatever your plans are. I would appreciate your support/understanding but please keep your opinions to yourself.

or MavisG suggestion is good

I get odd looks now (dd 15mo) from family and co-workers but frankly I don't give a crap. My child, my decision. I have supportive people at home, work and GP etc so they balance out the numpties.

MIL and my mum asked that a lot with DS1, who breastfed until he was 18 months. I usually answered with just a terse "yes" and sometimes added that it's just as well, since cows milk went straight through him. DS2 nursed till he was 2 1/2 and that question never came up. I think it was a combination of being honest, which helped to educate a little and giving off that don't you effing dare vibe!

Hi OP - just wondering if you saw any family at the weekend and if they are keeping their sticky beaks out yet?!
I fed dd to about 2.5 - she self weaned when I was 5m pg. Family did ask sometimes if I was still feeding her (yes) and when I planned to stop ("don't know, she hasn't told me yet!") I was the first in my close family to bf for a couple of generations but they were also quite interested in the benefits and impressed with how much it helped when dd was ill.
Still feeding ds - he is 15m too - and noone asks anymore or bats an eyelid!

SuperSmartMum..I bf my oldest till he was 17 months old, he self weaned the week before my dd came..so I gasp bf while pregnant too!

Have you anything else you would like to add other than that one little sentence?

You do know the WHO recommends bfing till 2 and then beyond as long as both mom and child wish?

My dd is now 9 months old, and I hope to continue for a fair bit longer, as long as she needs it, and I am happy to continue to do so.

Mind you, does not mean that I will not every now and then have a moan about it, if she ups her feeds for whatever reason, or wakes more in the night. I will do what is best for me and my child, and not feel a need to justify it to you, as you obviously feel it does need to be justified, as if you had any sort of say in it anyway.

My DS (who is my PFB) is 16 days old and I'm breastfeeding him.

My mum rings or texts every day without fail to tell me to start expressing milk so she can mind him or take him for a few hours.

She's driving me batty and I've spoken to my community midwife about how I feel. I want to bf for 6 months or as long as it suits myself and DS.

Congrats to you all for sticking to your guns for so long. Hope I am as headstrong as you all!

Aw, congrats on the arrival of your DS Don't worry, you become more bloody-minded as you go I have anyway. I probably would have run off crying if anyone had told me not to feed DD in public when she was tiny. Now I hate to think what I would say to anyone that challenged me!

You sound like you've got a clear idea of what you want so you do that, it sounds like you're doing brilliantly.

I thought the thread was going to be about BF'ing a 3 or 4 year old - 15 months is very young!

I BF DS1 until 18 months, and when people asked if I was "still" breastfeeding, I would say "Yes...why?" with a really perplexed look on my face. As if they were the weirdo (when clearly it was supposed to be me that was odd!)