To not send stepmother a mothers day card?

[tethersend]

Gah.

My Stepmother met my Dad when I was 20; she's never been my mother- I have a mum who I'm very close to.

Along with Stepmother's own two kids, my brother sent her a card this year, making me the only one who didn't.

She's not said anything, but tone of her voice on the phone suggests she feels put out. I feel bad.

But she's not my mother!

Should I have sent her a card?

Not if you dont want to

No. I wouldn't dream of doing so.

no you shouldn't I send my step father( fathers day) one but thats because hes been on the scene since I was 10

she has no right to deserve one!

I dont send mine one either, she only married my dad a few years ago (I was 23) and I dont see them that much plus she is not my mother so I dont bother.

If she had been your step mother since you were a child, I can see why she might feel some sort of entitlement to a card.
However if you were 20 when your dad married her then definitely YANBU

I have never classed myself as a step mother (have two 'DS's') and have never had anything from them. Doesn't bother me at all.

They have a Mum and I was always happier to be their friend than any kind of Mum role.

One of them is coming over today I think but I think that is really to see the DC's .

YANBU, she is not your mum and your mum is still around, plus you were an adult when they got together. I don't send my dads DP a card and they have been together for 13 years.

She shouldn't expect it tbh.

Why would you?
You were an adult when they met, so I assume she never brought you up in any way?

No, sod her.

weve sent dh's stepmother flowers but she is more a mum to him than his own despite living 450 miles away and his mum living across the road he said his mum was out of luck as he couldn't find any triffids.

It would and indeed has never crossed my mind to send my stepmum a Mother's Day card, and she's been around since I was about 12. She's a decent person and I respect her, but we're not close and she's not my mum. Besides, she has two daughters to do all that stuff.

So YANBU.

How could you tell from her tone of voice she wanted a card?

But no, YANBU. You have a mother. She is the woman who married your father and unless you have a mother/daughter relationship then a card would be out of place.

Yanbu. I have never given my stepmum one (married when I was 15), we get on well but it's never been the slightest like a mother-daughter relationship.

I've been a step-mum since DSS was 5 and he lived with us from the age of 12. Over 25 years later and I've never had a card, but it's never occurred to me I should have!

Slightly hurt today that I haven't had one from DD (16)

Now I'm off to start my own AIBU thread

Been a stepmum to dss since he was 2 and dont expect a card off him or anything. Never ocured to me that I should. Think its stragne that she might expect one tbh.

Dss has lived with me since he was 12, don't expect a card off him as im not his mum.

I would send a 'with love to you on mothers day' card. That's what my mum does for her childless aunt as well as sending one to her mum. There's no rule that says you should - but I know I would

Thanks, you lot have assuaged my (slight amount of) guilt

I need to interrogate ask my brother why he sent one.

I didn't send my stepmother a card (again, she came on the scene when I was 19). It is not appropriate IMO. I did consider it, but I decided against it. For one thing, my own mother would have been really upset. I think a step mother on mothers day gets a card if she has performed some sort of parental role when you were a child and that's not the case with me. My siblings didn't send cards either to SM.

Until I read this thread I had never even considered sending a card to step-mother(I usually call her my dads wife!) they met when I was 26 and she has never and will never be remotely mother like to me and I would hope she would never expect a card. I assume it has not ocurred to my sis or bro to send one either. We had a mother who died when we were all adults(well brother was 17) I could never ever send anyone else a card for mother's day.

I'm a stepmother, DP's grown up children live with us, and there was a not a single acknowledgement of anything that is consistently and continually done for them. Food, shelter, car insurance/tax, cleaning fairies, melas for their friends who drop in over mealtimes on a whim...

Yes I feel mildly aggrieved. Not even a brew. Nothing. I'm not asking for a demonstration of pathetic gratitude, and I'm not suggesting I'm their 'real mother', but if Mother's Day is supposed to be a nod to taing the burden off the person that does things for you the other 364 days of the year, or in some way saying 'thanks', then why should a Stepmother be excluded?

I love my step dad (I refer to him as my mum's lover, but that's for effect really...), and always buy him birthday/Christmas presents. My children view him as a grandfather - no different to their other grandparents. But I wouldn't send him a Fathers' Day card. Like the OP, he came into my life when I was an adult, and we have never lived together, or had a parent/child relationship of the kind I have with my Dad, although he does a lot for me and my siblings especially. I hope he doesn't feel miffed.