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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel sickened at a very distressed 6 year old being exposed to the whole nation on TV?

62 replies

emkana · 14/03/2010 00:24

Just watched the Jo Frost programme because I wanted to see about the portion sizes. There's that girl Paige, 6, on there, who is desperate to sleep in her Mum's bed, and she is extremely distressed. There are obviously some deeper running issues there, but instead of those being addressed she is just being "beaten" (not literally) into submission. It made me want to cry. And all this with all the cameras pointed at her.

OP posts:
TheLadyEvenstar · 14/03/2010 00:32

Em,is she the girl whose dad works away and she ends up sleeping in the hallway?

BertieBotts · 14/03/2010 00:32

I can't watch this new series of supernanny. I am not that keen on the normal programme TBH. I know that the families she goes to are really struggling and she does seem to help them, but still.

Mermaidspam · 14/03/2010 00:34

I didn't get the feeling that she was "extremely distressed", more that she knew exactly how to manipulate her mother who seemed quite fragile.

I know what you mean though as we went through nearly the same with DD and I was tearing up at it. I did have a tear running down my cheek when she was sleeping on the landing outside her mother's room. I couldn't have left her there.

Original poster
emkana · 14/03/2010 00:36

I don't know about the dad, mum's on her own I think?

Yes she "manipulates" her mum, but the question is, I think, why does she feel she needs to? There is a need there that is not being met.

OP posts:
TheLadyEvenstar · 14/03/2010 00:38

I left DS1 to do that when he was smaller and wouldn't stay in his bed. Only took a couple of day before he stayed in his bed. Yes he cried at first BUT it worked...

now to sort DS2 out lol

TheLadyEvenstar · 14/03/2010 00:39

i would disagree that there is a need there. A habit of sleeping in a bed with mummy will cause the same reaction.

Original poster
emkana · 14/03/2010 07:53

Yes but how did it come to this? Why is she so desperate to sleep with Mummy? IME children will move into their own bed without this distress when they are ready.

OP posts:
Babieseverywhere · 14/03/2010 08:21

I believe in fighting your battles, why is it an issue if an young child wants to be in bed with the parents ?

They won't be in bed with you at 18, they'll have more interesting places to be

damnedchilblains · 14/03/2010 08:28

"children will move into their own bed without this distress when they are ready"

Emkana that's fine if you don't mind a 9 year old sharing your bed. I don't mind toddlers sharing their parents bed but they don't need to. The more you encourage it, the more they will want to.

With regards to the programme, I agree with mermaid. She seemed to be just manipulating her mother. Why can't her mother be allowed her own space without a sprawling 6 yo lying in the bed?

groundhogs · 14/03/2010 08:42

It was habit, pure and simple, a case of a potential issue not being dealt with, nipped in the bud early enough.

ALL DC will want to snuggle in, and that occasional snuggle will become a habit, the longer that goes on, the harder it will be to be righted.

We've been rather unsettled this past year, leaving an expat life abroad, coming home here, living at my mums for a while, then moving to rented. DH was sorting stuff out in the expat location, so I was alone with DS (4) for about 8m.

DS used to sneak into my bed, but initially because of my mum and her DH I couldn't really risk him kicking off when I took him back to his own bed, so I let him stay in my bed.

When we moved, he was unsettled I allowed it to continue, but told him that he has his bed and I have mine. Then I told him that he had to sleep in his own bed when he had school the next day. Eventually he broke himself of the habit.

He still comes in if he's had a bad dream, but that is rare.

Sadly, the little girl knows she's got away with it in the past and the mum has not tried to correct it. She's pushing all her mum's buttons, cos mum in the past has caved.

As dreadful as it looks, the tantrum is designed to get on the mother's last nerve, it is just her trying to get her own way. If there were any other issues, they would have been identified and dealt with by Jo Frost.

It is of course heartbreaking to see a little girl cry like that, to sleep on the floor, but it was her doing. The mum needs to be consistent. All of this is for the girls own good.

groundhogs · 14/03/2010 08:44

Oh meant to say, the portion sizes thing was shocking!! A quarter of a mini pizza????

I've cut back DS portions a bit, cos they were a little on the large size, and he's noticed... but he's eating more fruit now...

cory · 14/03/2010 08:47

It's not just habit: some children are genuinely terrified of the dark/being left alone when they are tired and their imaginations run riot. I remember lying there awake staring into the dark hour after hour (and yes, I had a nightlight, but obviously that only covered a small area and the dark was beyond). I don't think I had any major issues- I was just scared of the dark. I certainly didn't do it for the pleasure of manipulating anybody.

borderslass · 14/03/2010 08:48

"children will move into their own bed without this distress when they are ready"

my sil has a 13 year old who still sleeps with her she's never told no either I tried to stop her doing something in my house and all I got was hysterics off both of them.

thesecondcoming · 14/03/2010 09:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheLadyEvenstar · 14/03/2010 09:27

I woke up this morning with DS2 in my bed again, everynight i put him to bed in his bed and every night at the same time he gets in my bed. Now he has no excuse especially as his bed is in my room but I don't stop him because its not a problem, sometimes i hug him until he falls asleep and then put him in his bed and he stays there.

It is not a need not being met it is simply a habit.

I was 7 before i stopped sleeping in with my mum because i liked it, in the end they put my bed in their room - not that that helped Dad ended up sleeping in it and i slept in with mum lol

nighbynight · 14/03/2010 09:34

FGS, if your older child wants to come and sleep in your bed, there is a very simple solution. Wait until they are asleep, then go and sleep in their bed!

Works every time.

ScreaminEagle · 14/03/2010 09:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Babieseverywhere · 14/03/2010 09:56

"The woman was EXHAUSTED."
I didn't see the show, why was the woman so tired ? Is the bed not big enough to allow everyone get to get enough sleep OR is the mother is spending all night returning daughter to her room ?

thesecondcoming · 14/03/2010 10:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Babieseverywhere · 14/03/2010 10:08

The kid has a right to have his/her needs met and for some parents feel this includes sharing a bed. Of course if the parents don't want to share their bed that is up to them.

That said my oldest is not yet 4 years old, maybe when/if I have a 6 year old sleeping with us I might change my mind.

thatsnotmymonster · 14/03/2010 10:12

Yeah I can't sleep properly with a child in my bed. I have a large bed and my children are all pre-school but I just don't sleep well at all if they are in with us. I get kicked and head butted and squashed to one side, can't get up to use the loo or move without fear of waking them...but that's why our dc's have been in their own room since day 1.

BessieBoots · 14/03/2010 10:13

I'm going to get flamed about this, and as a disclaimer I am a hippy, but...

I don't like the way this programme talks about kids as if they are the enemy. "Battles", "winning" etc- It's all very confrontational. I am not a pushover with my DCs, they have firm boundaries and they know not to overstep them, but I will certainly never battle with them. It isn't a war.

I do have a 'live and let live' attitude to parenting, but personally I could never let my kids cry like that little girl did on Supernanny. If they need comforting, I comfort them. If that makes me a softie, well then I am a softie. And proud!

thesecondcoming · 14/03/2010 10:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BessieBoots · 14/03/2010 10:58

I wholeheartedly agree with you thesecondcoming ( fab name btw), and all the things you say in your post, my children do (most of the time!) I concede that tantrums etc need to be sorted, but when a child is genuinely upset and crying, I will always comfort them. But then, I don't know what it would be like to go in cold to a child who hasn't had this her whole life.
It just distresses me to see a six year old suddenly lose eye-contact with her mother, when all she is used to is hugs and reassurance.

doesntplaywellwithothers · 14/03/2010 11:05

I don't know...
My DS (will be 4 in June) has always been fine about sleeping in his own bed...we never had any issues. Since Christmas, however, he wants to sleep with us. We don't discourage it...we figure the bigger deal we make of it, the more he'll want to do it, and the more unpleasant his bed will seem to him. He obviously needs some extra security for some reason, so if that's all it takes to make him happy, then what's the big deal? We have a huge bed!

If he's in with us when he's 20...then we'll take issue with it!!