to think that even little white lies are not acceptable in a commited relationship?

[amber1979]

Or am I being unrealistic?

I'm talking about things like "My battery is going, I'll talk later" when speaking on the phone/online.

Or, "yes I changed the cat litter on Wedenesday", "my friend really does like you, you're just imaging it.."

Are these little white lies acceptable? I personally think that they indicate a lack of respect.

AIBU?

YABU. IMO humanity would self-destruct if we all told the truth all the time, white lies are needed to smooth social interaction.

Why do you need so much respect anyway, are you the queen or something?

Sorry completely disagree. Little White lies don't hurt and if it makes it easier for acouple to get on then fair play.

Everybody deserves respect from their partner, otherwise why bother with them?

If you lie to someone, you're assuming that they aren't bright enough to see through it.

I am a little precious about lies - my ex two timed me for years, but I still feel that even small lies cause barriers between people. Particularly when they are so obvious!

That's a slightly disingenuous argument amber. Most people would agree that respect is fundamental to a relationship, but I don't think most people would have such a difficult to follow definition of respect as you.

I do feel that DH and I have a great deal of respect for each other, but he's entitled to have normal human social behaviour. I don't own his soul or anything.

Sorry, crossed with your last post. I've never had big lies so I guess I'm more blase about the little ones.

I still think it's normal behaviour to lie a bit though, your trust issues are your issues.

yabu
hardly massive crimes

So I am supposed to smile and nod, when I know he's talking bollox?

Don't think I'm that good an actress!

I would be concerned about why my DP felt the need to lie- why 'my battery's going' when you can say 'this is a bad time, I'll call you later'. Same with the other examples. I don't think white lies are always a bad thing, but I don't think they should be necessary in a strong relationship.

Really silly OP. White lies (or more often a certain degree of economy with the truth) are a way of preserving other people's feelings.

I don't tell my DP every single last thing about me and I'm sure he doesn't tell me every last thing about him. However, we do tell each other absolutely everything that it is important for the other person to know.

Plus, this is an AIBU by stealth. You are revealing relevant information later on in your thread to try and overturn what you probably knew at the start would be an overwhelming vote for being U.

White lies and their judicious use is surely part of being socially adept? White lies are often to protect someone's feelings and surely that's important too?

Exactly Pozzled!

I don't lie, I really don't! Can't be bothered most of the time.

you really want to know if 'your bum looks big in this?'.....I'm quite relaxed about some little lies..depends on the context,reason I suppose... we rarely lie to each other...and when we have always fess up later on.. we are grown after all ..sometimes people lie because of someone elses reaction, it's not malicious....I would definately have told that 'cat litter' lie..lol while thinking 'Oh shit!,the cat litter!'..and my DH would probably say 'You liar!'..

I think it's okay to tell big lies to small kids.
like how Santa exists, and fairies and unicorns, and how their mummy/daddy was a talented/gorgeous actor/footballer in their youth.
as we all do it!

i also think its okay to tell my DH i've only had one chocolate and the dog must have eaten the rest.

i think you are being a little unrealistic.
for example, if your DP asks you if they're the best you've ever had, you always say yes even if it's not true right?
sorry, had to get that one in!

There's a middle line (in fact a multitude of middle lines) between accepting a blatant lie about cat litter with a smile and having a relationship crisis.

Unless you like drama of course.

BritFish - Father Christmas, fairies and unicorns are fiction not lies.

Claiming Daddy was a premier league footballer in his youth when actually he was a drug-addled dustman is a lie.

What relevent information? Do you mean my point about the lack of respect?

White lies can be good, eg. if I ask my DP if I've put on too much weight, he will say no. Technically I have, however his little white lie helps me feel better.

It depends on the lie itself. How about me telling a bereaved family member I believe the deceased is in heaven - I may think heaven is a load of bollocks - however I wouldn't tell that truth.

White lies are AFAIK ones that are there to make people feel better, not to necessarily hide things. Like saying Santa exists.

Dear goddess, tell him the truth? All the time? Not in the least bit sustainable.

WhiteLiesLubricateSocietyTiggaxx

No I mean the info that you are sensitive about lies because of a previous partner.

I will tell little white lies to my husband if it saves his feelings. Not that he is a big wuss, far from it, but I love him too much to risk hurting his feelings willy nilly over something that isn't worth it. I would never 'lie' to him over something important, but equally we all have a responsibility to each other. I respect him more than anyone, he is amazing. We all just have to be adults about it, and know when to draw the line.