to think my shoutiness as a mother is somewhat atoned by the fact that I am overall very attentive and loving (dh disagrees)

[emkana]

Dh, when he does catch me shouting at the kids (often he doesn't because he's in work ) is always really shocked and concerned etc

BUT while I don't like myself shouting I hope and believe that I make up for it by spending lots of time with them, really talking to them and listening to them, doing lots of fun stuff, telling them I love them a lot, and and and...

while dh might be more patient and hardly ever raises his voice but then he's at work full-time (I'm a SAHM, children are 8,6 and 3) and even when he is around - he does stuff with them but is more likely to be distracted/doing his own thing.

So, over to you, MN jury.

I hate shouty people. My mum used to shout alot when we were young and before she went out to work. She was a much nicer person when she got a job and stopped yelling over nothing in particular.
i couldn't live with someone who shouted.
It means the kids look totally shellshocked on the rare occasions I do shout.

oH you know me...

so what were the lies? tell all. i thought you all came across well, surprisingly so given the publication tbh.

and i thought the pics were lovely, you all looked so cute, like something out of outnumbered.

was it DM? I only did it for friend of friend for local paper - next day paps on doorstep and whole horrid whirlwind!

My mother used to shout all the time and, although we have a good relationship now, I was scared of her at the time and I think it was damaging in terms of self esteem.

Also, I think, in my parents' case, it was bad parenting. For example, there used to be massive amounts of shouting whenever I got a school report that showed I wasn't doing well. THis went on from primary school until I was about 15. The reason why I wasn't doing well was because I was reading novels in my room instead of doing homework. So the shouting never worked (just made my life unpleasant) but it seems to me that they could have easily solved the problem by making me do my homework at the kitchen table (my mother was always in the kitchen in the afternoon) or actually doing my spelling, times tables, etc with me. Anyway, my point is, maybe it's worth thinking about what is making you shout and if there is another way to deal with it or maybe if you just need to ignore it (I have to do this with a lot of ds's behaviour).

really? oh you poor things. did they sell the story through then? you should ask mp about this, she has a pal who has sold family type stories on herself to the dm and pulled in a few thou doing it.

YP kindly told me (the morning after publishing when I rang to ask how come all these people were ringing home/work/mobile and on home doorstep) that they are part of a 'syndicate' so it was a done deal....

My mum was a shouter but I knew then we (one of five!) had riled her something chronic and crossed a line. I still adored her. I much prefer that to sulking and silences and atmospheres.

YP? gosh, that is terrible, you know. really shocking. how did you feel about it? (please note i did NOT post a link to it at the time as i just somehow knew you wouldn't have been up for it).

I only ever shout about minor behavioural things out of ever increasing frustration. You know..

"Can you pick up the shoes you just threw across the room please?"

"DS, pick up those shoes now"

"Go away, you stupid"

"Do not talk to me like that DS. I am warning you, pick up those shoes or x toy will be going upstairs"

"DS this is your last warning...>

Etc. Swiftly followed by said threat being carried out, but I cannot conduct all of the above - 10 times a day seemingly - in a low and controlled tone of voice. It is just beyond me I'm afraid.

BTW, if anyone can suggest a better way of dealing with this scenario (DS is 3) I will be eternally grateful!

i find the ignoring thing is better if you actually touch them. not quite that situation, but if they're doing something or watching telly etc, just touching dd on her shoulder seems to wake her up out of her obstinate, mute dream a bit.

no - we were very naive!
thanks for not linking - I hid for a week and could not have coped!

what are oyu two talking about
mcbitchy
in the daily mail
sold story
dISH IT

oh dear, sorry bitchy i wish i hadn't mentioned it. the fish is onto you.

I shout very rarely and only if I am extremely cross. Shouting, like spanking, should only ever happen occasionally.

and the incredibly restrained dh

not restrained.... knows what he likes - likes what he knows

I was a shouty and neurotic mum! I used to get very upset about manners, laziness - all kinds of things. My son is now lovely, kind and clever - in his final year at Oxford, happily living with his gorgeous girlfriend and very close to both me and his dad. I used to feel guilty that I had spent his childhood being uptight and emotionally up and down, but now I accept a variety of parenting styles are equally valid. He certainly loves me and never says he had a bad time. Don't beat yourself up - if you love your children and care for them, a bit of shouting really doesn't matter!

That's really lovely to read, wedlocked

He's just sent me a message for mothers day that says 'thank you for being my mum'. I don't think the shouting is the thing he most remembers from his childhood somehow!

you sound like a lovely mum Emkana and I am sure your children think that too.

Well I had 9 (nine!) mother's day cards from my three today (three each), plus presents, so can't be all bad