Redredwine1980
I hope you are ok, if you are close to someone who has committed suicide.
I have a unique perspective on this, as my father killed himself, and I have also attempted suicide (I hasten to add, before my father died).
I won't go into the details of each sad case, but I'd been raped abroad and was struggling with people's reactions to it and I also had a mild bi-polar episode. My father, who had hitherto been very successful, felt shame over losing his station in life (he was connected to the Equitable Life scandal) and had awful relationship problems with my mother (he was consistently unfaithful and violent) and looking back, it was obvious he had a major bi-polar disorder.
Is it a selfish act? Yes, of course it is, just by virtue of the fact that you are putting your own pain above others'. This is the case EVEN if you convince yourself. You're not taking part in society or family life at that point -- for whatever reason.
But it doesn't matter if it's selfish or not. That's all blown out of the water compared to the pain of losing someone close to you.
It's certainly not the mundane meaning of 'selfish' some people trot out.
Now there are as many different suicides are there are people and one of the awful things about suicide is that it reduces a complex human being with all their manifest ambitions, disappointments and experiences into one thing: A 'jumper' a 'drowner' (my father), a 'hanger' or whatever. It's well known that there are types of suicide that are impulsive and designed to elicit a parting shot (sorry, no pun intended) to the people they are leaving. Ones leaving lots of blood, for example.
I'm certainly angry with the note my father left. Those words about me will ring in my ears for ever. I carry them about like a housebrick in my bag.
I also feel bad for the people who found his body. That is selfish too.
But the family and friends left behind are changed forever. They've felt angry, betrayed, rejected (my lasting emotion), sad, helpless, like they never really knew that person. I've had people say trite things about selfishness. I've had my father in law refuse to come to his funeral because he thought it was selfish.
I've had people drift away and my mother has lost all her good friends. I ditched my childhood friend for shouting at my mother: "You moaned about him for half your life, you should be pleased he's gone' (she was a psychiatric nurse . The stigma with its roots in religion runs very deep.
On one level I'd rather people engaged with others on this subject than not at all, but please think carefully what you want to achieve by touting the 'selfish' label. Are you speaking aloud to yourself, getting a dig in to the deceased victim, or trying to hurt the people left behind. I know that sounds odd, but it provokes some very odd and harmful emotions and it gets projected back in all sorts of unexpected ways.
As Camus said, it is the one philosophical problem left. I'll never resolve my feelings about it. Ultimately, having been there myself, I'm glad I've seen what it can do and have vowed never to check out (even though I've felt close). I see it now as a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
My heart goes out to all those who have had to deal with this. And to those less close but who meet those who are going through it, have some grace and tact.