In regards to death due to suicide

[RedRedWine1980]

To think if people can't have some respect for the grieving family left behind they should truly shut the hell up?
Someone dies of cancer/in a car accident its 'aww thats so sad, such a tragedy' somebody comits suicide and on top of mourning that persons sad demise you have to hear people opinions on how 'selfish' and 'cowardly' it is?

Eg. I know one day I'm going to be at my friend's funeral, and I know it'll be that she finally "succeeded" at an overdose. I will not want to hear someone telling me how selfish she is, or how cowardly.

I'll want to hear that maybe it was for the best, maybe she's happy now, and I'd want to reminisce about the good times and how people were glad to know her. I would not stand for someone telling me how awful she was.

'I do think it is hard for the families to hear their loved ones criticised. But I do think someone needs to stand up and say that it is not ok to commit suicide and to point out the effects on those left behind.'

Maryz, yes, this needs to be said, of course, but not to the families! We know the effects, we don't need them pointing out!

maryz it is those contemplating suicide that need to hear these things, definitely.

And definitely not those left behind dealing with the aftermath.

I don't think it is selfish to commit suicide. I didn't know anyone genuinely thought that way until I read a MN thread.

I couldn't agree more RedRedWine. People who commit suicide are usually in a desolate, despairing place and do not deserve to be labelled as cowardly or selfish. Their families have suffered a tragic loss and don't need to hear such ignorant opinionated and offensive rubbish either

My father committed suicide by throwing himself in front of a train. It came at the end of a long bout of depression. I don't think he was being selfish but it fucked my mother up for years, and I wasn't too happy, I never got to say goodbye.

That is a good point hmc, those who commit suicide are not thinking the way others would and I dont believe they can really contemplate that what they are doing is selfish.

They are simply in such a dark place that they dont feel they can carry on their lives the way they are.

Suicide is such a traumatic, shocking way to lose a loved one I think it is simply better that if you believe their act was selfish you should keep your mouth shut for the sake of their families.

If you are discussing suicide with teenagers and are worried about copycats, I dont think you need to use words such as "selfish".

It is enough to point out the effects on those left behind and give information on the various agencies who could possibly help.

No, suicide is never "right" but putting labels on it doesnt help.

We are fortunate that the teaching on suicide in schools for PSHEE has been put together in collaboration with the Samaritans, and young people are clearly told NOT to say 'you are being selfish, how will X feel if you die etc' when someone is contemplating suicide.

I wish we had discussed this kind of issue when I was at school.

difficult, and I agree with you, but suicide is the most selfish act you can ever commit.

Do you actually believe that or are you just trying to get a rise out of someone?

YANBU Red! I've only recently started to acknowledge my dad's suicide outside of my closest circle of friends, for fear of this type of reaction.
I'm not ashamed! I've just felt sore enough that I didn't feel confident about coping with that too.
I didn't want to entertain other peoples opinions on something that is extremely personal to me and was to him. I feel protective of him, his choice and his privacy, IYSWIM.

My other bug bear is hearing "Oh how awful! ...Why?"

So most of us who have been affected by suicide write that we are upset by the "selfish" term being used...

then someone joins the thread to say "but suicide is the most selfish act you can ever commit"

Nice.

Why do people always assume someone who commits suicide does it because they are in such a dark place they feel there is no alternative??

Are people who commit suicide not capable of rational thought? They alot of the time DO know what they are doing. They DO know the effects of their actions.

They are not all mentally ill...........

I'm wondering if this should really be an AIBU thread.
Has someone actually said this to a grieving family?
Those closest may at some point feel anger themselves too.

I guess the selfish thing is that people think the suicide is because of depression, which can be a pretty self absorbed state to be in.

Are you an appropriately qualified health professional ThreeBlondeBoys?

I'm fucking off from this, this thread is in the wrong place.

Meant to add - because you are talking shit.

(That's ThreeBlondeBoys)

Are you hmc?

fgs woman

I agree that this thread is in the wrong place.
If people have actually said stuff about being selfish to grieving partners/family, it might be better talked about in the bereavement topic.

There are ALOT of assumptions being made here

RedRedWine - has this actually happened?

Maybe try posting in Bereavement.

Leaving this thread now as its not really something I feel I can be involved in any argy bargy about.