to expect an orgasm every time with DH/DP?

[kaffers]

Apologies if this is TMI - last night my DH had a very 'fulfilling' time whereas I did not (i.e. he came during sex; I wasn't even close) He rolled over into a blissful sleep; I lay awake feeling frustrated, I got up at obscenely early time with DD (he had a lie in). I have been in shit mood all day. Think it was made worse because I'd intiated the sex - had been feeling a little neglected and wanted to feel desired blah blah blah (despite being heavily preggers - yes I know - not the best time to want to be a femme fatale). I've never had this situation with DH before, ever. One of the reasons I fell for him was that he used to say it was the man's 'duty' to provide a woman with ahem, fulfillment...he seems to have changed his mind. Any thoughts? (Thank God I can post this anonymously - I'm blushing with mortified embarrassment writing this down)

would have annoyed me too YANBU. I expect it everytime otherwise well it just not finished is it!.

I would say you should consider yourself jolly lucky that he ever felt it his 'duty'

Mine certainly never has

You're heavily preggers, normality is out the window.. I really wouldn't read too much into it. But tell him how you feel!

I remember being very heavily pregant with ds2 and very horny. One night I rather assertivly told DH to "man up" only to be told he'd already self serviced before he came to bed. I was really pissed off and gave him the cold shoulder all the next day

God I used to practically rape my DH at the end of my pregnancies

Connor, he could ahem have serviced you too surely, in ahem other ways.....How selfish!

LOL ConnorTrapcetive

Well under normal circumstances he would have he's quite generous like that but I had a serious varicose vein issue and was too self conscious for anything else.

8 months pregnant with varicose veins on my fanjo - can't possibly imagine why he'd feel the need to pleasure himself

mamsnet

I would have been very annoyed too, But you know what men are like; they can be soooo obtuse. Sometimes you just need to be upfront about what you need (cringe-worthy as that may be.) Or maybe get busy with a Rabbit and let him 'discover' you at it - a subtle hint that you aren't getting your needs met - and might lead to some saucy and more rewarding play, possibly?

ooooh YA sooooo NBU!!!!!!!

OMG Mudandroses - that's a hilarious idea but I'm far too repressed for that I'm afraid. I'll bloody well make it clear what I need next time he's the one initiating though, if he ever does (although I know after I've given birth sometime in the next 3 weeks that I'll immediately feel as though I NEVER want sex again, so he really ought to be making the most of it now I reckon).

I'm sure YANBU but since I'm too repressed ever to have an orgasm with a partner I am rather envious tbh! For me it's self-service or nowt which is a bit dull, would love to be able to appreciate waiter service.

Tomorrow, just initiate and focus on what's going on for you. I'm sure he'll be happy to oblige.

God no, I presume he has one every time.

all things come in time...

would it therefore be unreasonable for me to get up & bathe having got mine?

sometimes, i really couldn't care less about his further enjoyment, and surely sex up to that point is enough fun (for him too)?

Really Choosyfloosy? that's really sad :-(

Are you in a relationship?? Have you considered addressing the situation? (Don;t want to say 'problem') It seems a shame for both of you that you can't be comfortable enough to orgasm with a partner. I found I couldn't orgasm with a new partner but with DP, since we have been together so long (sorry I know that sounds complicated but we went thru a period of being 'open'), i could, because I felt comfortable enough to say "harder...left a bit..." etc. You gotta give them some help sometimes!

My DH is like that all the time. I too am pregnant but am suffering with SPD so sex is pretty much out the window. I still have 'needs' but with DH it's all about sex.

2 repressed mumsnetters in a row there!!!

didnt think it possible!

so it's happened one time, get over it or tell him you're annoyed.

Choosyfloosy - I've always been the opposite!! I only managed 'self service' in my late 20s and have always felt much more dependent on partners which is actually very annoying in some ways...yes you must investigate the waiter service though if only to find out it's not necessarily all it's cracked up to be {wink}

Ofcourse YANBU

I would have just made sur I came too, in your situation. I can't really see the point of sex if I don;t come.

Hmmm.

YANBU if you initiated it. You clearly had a need, so if he knew you weren't satisfied, he was being a selfish twunt.

I am quite happy to sometimes let DH have all the fun. (It's not always about the big O for me.I'm not easy to please.) However, if I am indicating I am not finished, he better bloody well complete the job.

I'd do what Mud&Roses sugests and whip out the Rabbit. (Are they safe in pregnancy?)

Chandellina - I am not having a crisis or anything - I just think it's quite interesting to have other's views. I wasn't actually really really annoyed - crestfallen really, it's not his typical behaviour and what with being HUGELY preg/hormonal etc it's good to get others' perspectives. I know I'm not describing a majorly serious situation.

Kaffers I do think you should go back for 'seconds' today

I suppose it's good that at least I have a reliable way to 'get a meal', as it were (is this analogy going to hold out??)

I've been married for some years, and have been 'eating out' for 23 years with a baker's dozen of partners, so I do sort of feel that if it were going to happen at all, it would have happened by now... but you never know. I did go for sex therapy for a bit, but stopped after a while as couldn't afford childcare.

Sex did get a lot better after having ds. I haven't totally given up hope. It sort of does and doesn't help that dh rarely has orgasms either due to the medication he is on...