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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find this slightly odd?

42 replies

allaboutme · 11/03/2010 17:16

DH's best friend (has known him for years, was each others best man) is coming to visit us with his wife. They ahve recently told us that they are expecting their first child and are obv v happy.
I find them both a bit odd tbh in general, quite blunt to the point of seeming rude sometimes (I still havent got over how rude they were at my wedding YEARS ago!!) they have never been at all intersted in children and especially not ours. When DS1 first born, they visited to bring a card and present and didnt even glance at DS, let alone hold him or say 'how lovely' etc.
Anyway, they recently got in touch and said how lovely it would be to see us before the baby is born. We thought we'd have a nice weekend and were thinking of all sorts of things we could do together, when DH friend says that they will come Fri evening and leave early Saturday am.. they had better not stay too long apparently as the children will be around and they find them a bit noisy (they are perfectly average children noise wise!!)
i do find it slightly odd that they cant face one day with children to spend time with us when they are having one of their own!!

OP posts:
Morloth · 11/03/2010 17:20

It would seem they are just not that into you.

Kaloki · 11/03/2010 17:20

I can see why you find it odd, however, other people's kids aren't the same as your own. I'm not a keen on spending time with other people's kids, but I do want children of my own.

GrimmaTheNome · 11/03/2010 17:23

YANBU

They are in for a steep learning curve, poor dears.

AMumInScotland · 11/03/2010 17:26

Even when you want a child of your own, other people's children are not necessarily of any interest to you. Some people love children, some like them, some are just not that interested. When their own arrives, they may find their view of other people's children changes, but they may not.

Back when I was pg, I still had no interest in other people's children, not even babies. One lady plonked her 6 month old wriggler into my arms saying "you'd better get some practice" - she might as well have dropped an alien on me - I always expressed a polite level of interest in peoples babies and children, but never really felt any interest or desire to be around them.

I still don't feel that much more tbh, but I'm better equipped to understand why other parents might feel hurt if I admitted it!

taffetacat · 11/03/2010 17:37

I had absolutely zero interest in children or spending chunks of time with people with small children until I had my first at 35.

So I don't find this odd at all. But you say they are odd anyway. So maybe thats what its about more?

Agree with Grimma, they will learn. And look at you, managing it all seemingly effortlessly, in wonderment......

< whisper > payback

taffetacat · 11/03/2010 17:38

...And they will look at you

Aranea · 11/03/2010 17:41

YANBU if you are offended by their being so blunt about not wanting to see your children - it's very insensitive of them.

On the other hand, YABU to think it's odd of them not to want to spend time with other people's kids just because they're expecting one of their own. I don't even think they're in for a shock or anything either, as I found other people's children quite exhausting before I had my own but found my own children eased me into the whole process quite nicely.

I still think spending time with my friends' children is a bit of a chore on the whole, and that has nothing to do with how I feel about spending time with my own.

Aranea · 11/03/2010 17:44

Also - I think they were clearly making an effort in bringing a present etc when your DS was born, as they obviously weren't into babies at all and couldn't see the point of having a proper look at them. I do sympathise with them on that front - before I had my own baby, I absolutely could not see anything interesting about babies and had no idea what I was supposed to do with them. Certainly didn't want to hold them. (still don't really!)

posieparkerfuckityfuck · 11/03/2010 17:46

Telling you is very very rude, they could have thought of 1000s of excuses to leave. Honestly, I would probably find something else to do and refuse the visit. Whilst I understand some people may not like children or want to spend time with them, I would take their comment very personally and wouldn't enjoy spending time with them.....and would clearly remember to NOT say one iota about their baby when it's born.

If they were brilliant friends of yours you can forgive these sorts of things as you get so much more out of the relationship...but these twp seem as if they have little to offer.

What did they say at your wedding?

TheFallenMadonna · 11/03/2010 17:49

I was never interested in small children. I'm still not really, apart from my own. I never ask to hold a new baby. They are particularly dull whne they're not your own. So the information presented doesn't make them sound odd to me, but there's that tantalising reference to your wedding and I feel an AIBU by stealth coming on...

posieparkerfuckityfuck · 11/03/2010 17:50

BTW, since having my own I look at other babies and just think 'you're not as nice', 'no you're not as nice!!'

TheFallenMadonna · 11/03/2010 17:50

Oh - missed that about them saying the children were noisy. That would make me laugh!

oldenglishspangles · 11/03/2010 17:51

at least you know where you stand with them. Perhaps they think your friendship is close enough to be honest with you.

MathsMadMummy · 11/03/2010 17:52

I am intrigued to know what they did at your wedding!

It's rude of them to tell you - very rude actually - but I'm not totally surprised. We always wanted kids but I thought babies were mega-dull until DD was handed to me!

MorrisZapp · 11/03/2010 17:54

Nowt odd about it. Other people's kids are noisy and irritating whether you're pregnant or not.

paisleyleaf · 11/03/2010 18:10

I was wondering (until you said about the 'noise' thing) if they'd actually been wanting to have a baby for a long time. And that might explain bluntness and seeming disinterested when your DS was born.

MathsMadMummy · 11/03/2010 18:12

TBH paisleyleaf that thought had crossed my mind

PrivetDancer · 11/03/2010 19:18

I think they probably just want some of the weekend to themselves. I wouldn't want to spend a whole weekend (assume you expected them to stay both nights) with another couple and their kids for no good reason, personally. One night is plenty for a catch up.

They don't have many peaceful Saturday afternoons left after all, why waste one to be trudging around with someone elses kids?

MudandRoses · 11/03/2010 19:27

It's not weird to not want to hang out with other people's kids; although it is a bit anti-social considering they're a big part of your and your DH's lives; and a bit short-sighted since thy're going to have one of their own.
But it's a bit socially inept to tell you the reason. It might be, as suggested, that they think your friendship is close enough to cope with their honesty! Anyway, sounds like you're not THAT sorry to be missing out on spending more time with them?

Original poster
allaboutme · 11/03/2010 19:53

Ha ha, no, not that sorry to be missing out but DH is a bit. He and his mate go back a long time and they havent seen each other for a little while so have lots to catch up on. Perhaps friends DW doesnt like us too much and thats why they dont want to stay longer?!
Pretty sure its not that they wanted a baby a long time, from what friend has told DH they planned to start trying for a baby last year and it happened fairly quickly.
What happened at wedding not really relevant to this, but it does still bug me so couldnt resist mentioning . Not sure about spilling details though as maybe I was a bridezilla and just didnt realise it after all!!!

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 11/03/2010 19:59

please please please tell
I am in the house of vomit so need something to distract me

OrmRenewed · 11/03/2010 20:00

"they had better not stay too long apparently as the children will be around and they find them a bit noisy"

Ha ha ha! Oh they are going to have such fun in a few months time

YANBU. Whatever their reasons they shouldn't have told you that.

SloanyPony · 11/03/2010 20:03

I might be wrong but it seems people on here think they are in for a shock when they have their own child re the noise level.

I'm sure they are not completely stupid. I'm sure they are aware their own child/children will make as much if not more noise.

But that doesn't make the OP's noisy children any more desirable, nor does it necessitate them needing any practice.

It was, however rude of them to say so.

taffetacat · 11/03/2010 20:03

I'd suggest DH and his mate have a boys weekend/night away.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 12/03/2010 10:07

I so want to know what they said at your wedding......please please please spill the beans!

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