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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take DS to a party he's not invited to

45 replies

racmac · 11/03/2010 11:00

A lady at DS's school has 2 children - 1 of which is in DS age 9 class, the other is in pre school with DS age 4.

She is having a joint party at a soft play centre but only DS9 is invited.

They are hiring the whole place - it will only be invited children there.

She has right to invite whoever she chooses to party - I dont mind that DS4 not invited.

Here's my problem - i have no one else to look after DS4 or DS age 2 - i asked if ok to take them and pay them in she said thats fine

BUT DS 4 is going to be asking why he's not getting party food or party bag etc etc

Not sure what to do - feel it might cause problems to take him but cant let DS 9 miss out on party

OP posts:
skidoodle · 11/03/2010 11:03

why are you planning to stay?

JaneS · 11/03/2010 11:04

Er, just say to DS 4 that it's the big children's party and you've got something else for him?

itsmeitsmeolord · 11/03/2010 11:04

YABU to take him into the party and hang around looking wistful until someone gives your ds4 a party bag.

Children have to learn sometimes that they don't always get to do everything.

Why can't you take him swimming or to the park and get an icecream whilst the party is going on?

Your older son can be left,I'm sure he wouldn't be too chuffed with a 4 yr old following him around.

Also, it's a bit of a recipe for disaster, small child plus lots of rampaging 9 yr olds. I foresee tears....

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 11/03/2010 11:04

Talk to her, explain you cannot get childcare and is it OK to bring him along? She might be glad of the company for her 4 yr old.

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 11/03/2010 11:05

Oh yes, better suggestions of taking the other DSs elsewhere for a treat. Just seen it's a 4 and 2 yr old.

MintCracknel · 11/03/2010 11:06

Do you have to stay then,can understand if you do,one of my children has HFA and he wouldn't stay if I didn't.

Original poster
racmac · 11/03/2010 11:06

No her 4 year old is having party to - joint party with her big brother.

Yes i suppose i could just drop and run - but its a good 30 min drive

I may have to see what else is around to take the others to -

sometimes you just need someone else to point out the obvious!

OP posts:
NoahAndTheWhale · 11/03/2010 11:06

Is it a party for both her 9 year old and her 4 year old?

If so I can see why it is disappointing that your 4 year old hasn't been invited, but in your situation I wouldn't stay - as long as there is something nearby you can do while the party is on.

RealityKindaLingers · 11/03/2010 11:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
racmac · 11/03/2010 11:08

Yes - Noah - joint party think the little girl will be 5 and boy will be 9

No i dont have to stay with DS9 - i will drop and run

OP posts:
ginormoboobs · 11/03/2010 11:11

YABU
Don't pay your other children in. Go for a walk / jump on a bus and go to the park with a picnic.

Original poster
racmac · 11/03/2010 11:14

picnic at 6pm in March

OP posts:
Morloth · 11/03/2010 11:35

You didn't say it was an evening party. Most kid's parties are around lunchtime so no need for the eyebrow.

Just dump and run, it is weird to take extra kids to a party if they haven't been invited. If it is too much of a hassle then your 9yo can't go.

AreAnyNamesAvailable · 11/03/2010 12:41

YANBU to hang around if that is ok with the mum and you are willing to pay for your kids.
YABU to expect him to be involved in any way in the party, so he may feel upset.
Second the suggestions of others to do something else if possible.

mylifemykids · 11/03/2010 12:49

Do 9 year olds really have parties in hell soft play centres?

I'm usually of the opinion that a 4 year old needs to realise they can't be invited to every party, but to sit there in view of his friends eating party food etc. when he hasn't been invited does seem a bit mean.

Definitely drop and run!

swanandduck · 11/03/2010 12:51

I also think it will put the other Mum in a difficult position. I would feel awful if some unattended children were brought along to my dcs party and there wasn't any goodies or party bags for them.

swanandduck · 11/03/2010 12:51

Sorry, univited children.

swanandduck · 11/03/2010 12:52

Or uninvited even. I must have been at the cooking sherry again.

Geocentric · 11/03/2010 12:54

Um, just pointing out to those posting here that the OP has already said she likes the idea of dropping and doing other things with other DCs...

Hope you find something nice to do with them, racmac! Ah the wonderful logistics of childrens birthday parties...

islandofsodor · 11/03/2010 12:54

Dd went to a imilar party last week she is 8. It ws definately a drop and run thing. The party was 5pm-7pm. They tend to have disco/older kids activities at those parties.

If it is a private hire then you ar being unreasonable. The staff won't be able to charge you as an individual and it will go on the ladys bill.

5Foot5 · 11/03/2010 12:56

As others have said you don't need to stay with a 9yo so drop him off and go do something else with the younger ones.

There will be other parties that one or other doesn't get invited to, they have to get used to it.

I don't think you should hang around at all, even if you are offering to pay for him, because that will make the Mum feel guilty like she should include him.

ConnorTraceptive · 11/03/2010 13:00

A joint party for 9 year olds and five year olds sound feckin hideous add soft play into the mix and quite frankly it sounds like a disaster waiting to happen

Drop off and run for the hills!!!!

SmileysPeepul · 11/03/2010 13:00

That is/was a tricky one racmac. Often it is easier to stay at these softplay things than drive somehwre else for half an hour before you have to go back.

I've often done what you suggested (and lots of mothers do ime) and hang around and let other DS play also, but it is complicated as your DS4 will feel a bit left out at party food time if his frieds are part of it and not just his big brothers friends.

If you can manage it, not starying does seem the best option this time.

MumNWLondon · 11/03/2010 13:08

Sorry totally unreasonable no need to stay with a 9YO at a party. If its far try and find something else to do locally with younger children.

If it was a 4YO party then reasonable to take 2YO as 4YO may be too little to leave.

Bramshott · 11/03/2010 13:13

Can't someone else give your DS1 a lift to the party?

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