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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In wishing people would stop commenting and insulting my parenting?

53 replies

SirBoobAlot · 10/03/2010 18:32

Comments I received today:

DS crying on bus due to colic. A lovely man saying in a loud voice to his neighbour, "Children shouldn't be left with parents who can't look after them properly."

Bus driver looking at buggy: "Don't you think you're a bit young for one of those?"

Two older ladies in cafe looking at DS, who I had taken the trousers off as he was too hot (was very warm in cafe): "If that was my child, he would be dressed appropriately."

And this is just today. Is really getting on my wick!! I know people will always have opinions, and I probably am being slightly unreasonable, but is it really nessicary? Really?!

OP posts:
ShinyAndNew · 10/03/2010 18:35

Dd2 has sat completely topless in KFC before and no one uttered a word.

You either live somewhere posher than me or look very very young?

Either way YANBU. Try to just smile and ignore though. T'is the best way to deal with interfering eejits.

defineme · 10/03/2010 18:35

OMG that's awful- that's probably how many negative comments I've had in 8years not all in 1 day. You poor thing. Do you manage to think of good replies? I always think of a cutting remark 2 hours later!

paulaplumpbottom · 10/03/2010 18:37

Just roll your eyes. Some people have nothing better to do than be judgemental all day. You should pity them.

Coldhands · 10/03/2010 18:40

YANBU. I really don't know why strangers feel the need to comment on others parenting. Although you do seem to attract quite a few comments. I have only had one which was pretty extreme and I wanted to thump her.

Try to think of some good remarks to make in advance to these fecking idiots helpful, well meaning people.

mazzystartled · 10/03/2010 18:40

Oh well, it won't be any consolation but you have probably made the day of 4 miserable gits.

(although you could take the bus driver's comment as a compliment, should you so choose)

Ignore 'em

JustAnotherManicMummy · 10/03/2010 18:40

A very politely said "fuck off" often offends. But a "aren't you old enough to mind your own business" does too. So either is fine

Of course you should just ignore them. People probably comment about me (I am apparently a "young mum") but I take not the slightest bit of notice so I don't know.

Although one assumes if bus drivers were qualified to give parenting advice they would probably be doing something other than driving a bus? Unless it's some sort of outreach scheme?

AliGrylls · 10/03/2010 18:40

People can't help themselves some days. YANBU but don't let it get you down and have faith in the fact that you are a good mother.

BetsyBoop · 10/03/2010 18:41

I normally say something along the lines of

"Unlike your parents, I shall be ensuring that my DC grow up knowing that it's very rude to make comments like that to complete strangers" & flounce off leaving them open-mouthed & trying to work out what I've just said

Original poster
SirBoobAlot · 10/03/2010 18:45

Coldhands - I do, don't I? I have been on here a few times complaining about arseholes the darlings.

Glad its not me! I know I'm doing okay because he is rather chubby healthy and very nosy socially interactive. Just annoys me!

OP posts:
Coldhands · 10/03/2010 18:50

I like what BetsyBoop said. That would shut them up. Don't know how old you are but I have always looked younger than my age. Now 30 isn't too far away, I get really chuffed when I get asked for ID now! I never appreciated this until I was over 25 though.

Just look at the directly and ask them why they are being rude. They probably won't be able to respond to that. (I'm actually going to use this myself if I get any comments).

Original poster
SirBoobAlot · 10/03/2010 18:54

I am making a note of all these responses

I am young, but I wouldn't point out to someone else that they weren't, iyswim?

OP posts:
Lemonmeringue · 10/03/2010 19:03

It is an age thing, isn't it. I got very few comments when I was out with babies, probably because I was mid-30s with a death stare.

Frosty good manners can be your best bet - anything else and you confirm their tedious prejudices. And back it up with a death stare.

Morloth · 10/03/2010 19:13

I was chatting at the park with a mum with a new baby the other day and she also had a 6yo (same as DS) so we were discussing the age difference etc.

She said something really interesting about how differently she was treated during this pregnancy. Her first pregnancy she was a very young looking 19 and had all sorts of nasty comments whilst both pregnant and with a baby/toddler. This time around she is 25 and married etc. Apparently people have been very very nice and kind and helpful.

Was gobsmacked that anyone felt they should no only have and opinion on a woman who was not doing them any harm, but felt able to voice it.

ineedahero · 10/03/2010 19:14

YANBU. Grrr on your behalf.

I've had the age thing quite a lot. I am 23, and people don't seem to remember this was a normal age to have children 50 years ago. My DH is 9 years older and people tend to treat me much more seriously if he's there...

Someone even had the astonashingly bad manners to ask if DD was a mistake! I was seething (actually, we were trying for some time, not that I have to justify myself).

I can't believe you had all those comments in one day though, I would have felt thoroughly demoralised. I hope you don't take it to heart.

I wish I was good at scathing remarks, but unfortunately also tend to think of them a good 2 hours post-event. Maybe you should build up an arsenal of them to have ready for such occasions?

MrsVidic · 10/03/2010 19:14

I have the same problem- don't let it bother you.

I often get remarks when I'm shopping like 'oh this is what teen mums spend their child benefit on..' I am 26 and work full time when not on maternity leave

I also constantly get reminded of the cost of something- for example I asked for 2 sets of pyjamas (which were above the till at gap) and then lady looked at me and said 'they're £12.99 you know- are you sure you want 2?'

I just smile and get on with it- in fact it has actually inspired me to volunteer at my local surestart with the young parent groups as I can appreciate some of the prejudice they have to go through along with all of the other shit.

MrsVidic · 10/03/2010 19:16

Ineedahero- my dp is 10 years older and its completely different when he's there too! It's like he legitimises me or something!

lolapoppins · 10/03/2010 19:22

I was a very young looking 22 when ds was a baby and I used to recieve horrible comments all the time, but like you, not when dh - who is 5 years older and wasn't so young looking was there.

ineedahero · 10/03/2010 19:23

I know! Drives me crazy because, actually, I'm still the more mature parent (IMO)!

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 10/03/2010 19:33

Perhaps you should comment pointedly to your ds, "Darling - aren't those people rude! You'll behave far better than that when you are grown up, won't you!"

Then smile sweetly at them.

MadamDeathstare · 10/03/2010 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chocices · 10/03/2010 19:39

When I had my dd at 17 (I also was a very young looking 17 year old), I would find the comments were one extreme to the other.

One minute an old lady would be praising me for doing so well, and what a lovely daughter I had, and placing £5 in my hand to treat us.

The next an old lady, would be tutting that it was disgraceful my dd had no socks/shoes (always in the bottom of the basket of pushchair she hated wearing them).

Morloth · 10/03/2010 19:40

ineedahero, MrsVidic and lolapoppins it is because it is OK if you have a grown up overseeing things.

Ducks and runs.

EggyAllenPoe · 10/03/2010 19:43

if you are in the whining old baggage-enclave thatis the South Coast, such comments are common.

Though i don'tlook young enough, and don't travel on buses if i can help it, so don't get that so much.

Original poster
SirBoobAlot · 10/03/2010 20:05

I don't think I look particularly young. Verdict?

I must say, actually, that some people have been absolutely lovely, and it has been especially the older generations who have been encouraging about the breastfeeding in public (but that's another thread...). Its the nasty comments that tend to stick though!

However have just been reminded of a lovely gentleman in the library today who said my DS's smile had made his day

OP posts:
SpringHeeledJack · 10/03/2010 20:09

I've had old ladies chase me through John Lewis to tell me my son had taken his socks off

...in July

you learn to tune the nosy fuckers out after a while

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