To think other nursery parents need to grow up

[ibangthedrums]

Was having chat to DS1's nursery workers this morning. He has been going for ages and we get on well so they often "gossip" with me.

DS has a male worker in his pre school room which I think is fab but had not given it too much thought. He is great with the children - they all adore him.

In our chat, one of the other workers told me that most of the other parents don't like him working there. He is not allowed to change any nappies or even go into the toilet area. He is also not allowed to be in the room/garden area on his own with any children. People have even complained when he has covered the baby room!

I am furious that people can be so small minded and the nursery owner should stand up to the parents but I seem to be in the minority. AIBU?

Absolutely stupid imo, hes been CRB checked, got all the right qualifications and skills then whats the problem? Thats sex discrimination, I really hate this all men are paedophiles, what about women too. Its gone way to far imo.

not at all unreasonable. It is hardly surprising that there are so few men in primary school teaching and pre schools when so many nutty parents seem to view men carte blanche as would be paedophiles.

The nursery staff need to take a lead and show they are fine with him, rather than 'not letting' him change children etc which suggests there's a 'reason' not to.

No men at ds's nursery although there's often a couple boyfriends of the workers waiting in the lobby when I get there in the evening. There's one chap at the local children's centre though who will get down and play with the kids and read stories and everyone seems fine with him (it's stay and play though so parents are there too, so I'd hope even the most paranoid parent would be OK!)

NBU at all.
Poor bloke.

Hello, I am a male nursery worker - whilst doing an NVQ. I've certainly not found this kind of problem/attitude, but I can see it happening at some point.

It's wrong, but clearly going to happen in our 'paedo under every rock' obsessed media-led world.

It's a shame too, the whole dynamic of the room changes when you have both male and female workers.

The managers shouldn't be asking the parents. If they are happy to employ the man (and why wouldn't they be) then they should be happy for him to undertake all appropriate activities. He'll have had a CRB check, had references taken and been interviewed etc etc.

YANBU. It's pathetic. My DB would be fantastic working in childcare. He refuses to do it, as he believes he will get this kind of treatment, and be looked at with suspicion. He is so good with children it's a real shame.

Ewe, this is truly scary! Please tell me you weren't in last Thursday morning when the photographer was there... I was eyeing up the other women (oo-er) and trying to decide if they were Mnetters (I didn't think so!)

P is good though isn't he, he always seems very calm and unfazed by everything, as you say, maybe more than the women. I was there for about an hour and a half last week and it was interesting being able to observe what goes on a bit with all the staff, not particularly him. I was happy with the nursery before and I was even more reassured.

YANBU.

The one guy at DS's nursery left recently (was getting married and moving away). I was disappointed as I think it's great for young boys to have a male role model around. It would never have occurred to me to have a problem with him doing nappy-changing etc.

yanbu this is really bad...
id b quite happy with a male worker there as it is nice esp for the ds's to have some male staff not female only, more variety & its ridiculous 4 ppl to think they wil automatically be some kinda peado. must b very saddening 4 that poor guy treated that way
men can b good with kids too, a lot of them r dads themselves so its just stupid

I agree with hobgoblin - the staff should not be gossiping, and withthomsc : "The managers shouldn't be asking the parents. If they are happy to employ the man (and why wouldn't they be) then they should be happy for him to undertake all appropriate activities. He'll have had a CRB check, had references taken and been interviewed etc etc."

One thing I like about my DSs school is the number of male teachers and TAs

There is a man at my DS's nursery, and that was one of the things which pleased me when I went to see it. I thought it very progressive, and when I see DS with him, he seems to be having a lovely time. I would be quite happy if he were DS's keyworker (but he's in another room), or even keyworker if I had a girl.

It is important to normalise the idea that men do things with and for children as well, or we will continue to have skewed educations, upbringings and society.

The staff at your nursery shouldn't be telling you what other parents think, or allowing this discrimmination. (I'm doing my NVQ 3 in childcare)

YANBU. My childminder works with her husband and I think it's fantastic for DS to have another man around especially as he sees very little of DH. I actually considered it a big positive when looking at different childminders.

It's a shame that the parents at your nursery have the views that they do, I hope it doesn't put him off working there.

I've thought about your question, Riven, and I really don't know about the small children, although there could always be a "role model" effect for adults and the older children. I don't see why being a nursery worker or "manny" can't be something a man can admit to at parties. It might even be higher-status job for a man than for women (being so exotic), and thus be seen as attractive, both professionally and personally.

At least, I hope so! But stigmatising men who are nursery workers is a sure way to make the job look like crap, because "only women will do it". As a feminist, I can't stand that idea, and as a parent, I want my DS's nursery staff to feel valued, because they are important for him, and their self-esteem is important to me, by extension.

Am I being too idealistic? Or is it right to have higher standards of idealism where our children are concerned? After all, we already have higher standards of criminal checks, and so on.

I really am interested to hear other views, so do come back at me if you want to.

jee he was lovely wasn't he? When did your dc leave?

ok so you are all going to flame me but I actually wouldn't like any man other than my husband changing my DD's nappy, my father has never done it and nor has my brother so it is not because I think that they are going to abuse her just for her privacy I guess. Which now I have written it down looks odd.

If I had a DS I would have no problem with a male worker (or my dad or brother) changing his nappy.

I don't think YABU I just wanted to give insight into what those parents are thinking as that would be me.

Chipper you can't help how you feel , but try and look at it rationally : Women can be abusive, and men can abuse little boys as well as girls.

I know and to be honest I didn't like the idea of anyone other of my DH and Mother changing DD's nappy so I didn't put her into nursery until she was potty trained.

Sorry another point, it isn't about being abused it is about people looking at her bits and for some reason I just don't want lots of men doing that.

Fair play to you. I haven't got girls, so I don't know what that might feel like.