To put my food down over how much my partner drinks while we're TTC?

[AnnieDelores]

Help I've just had a massive fight with my other half over drinking.

We have been undergoing fertility analysis. It turns out I'm fine and ovulating normally but he has very low normal sperm forms (just 3%) an "ok" sperm count and "ok" motility.

We've been TTC since July. He used to be a heavy drinker but has now cut down to a beer plus half a bottle of wine 2 or 3 nights per week.

My big problem is....and the reason for the fight.....he is going to a gig tomorrow night and the boys will be drinking from 7pm till arouind midnight. This will probably consist of at least 8 pints each. I've told him I don't think he should go unless he has the guts to tell them he can't drink that much because it will mess up his sperm quality....but you know what men are like.

What do you suggest I do? I'm really stressed out that he will go out and drink 6 or 7 pints because he's out with his old drinking buddies.....and his drinking history isn't good. He says he'll "just have a few beers" and that I need to trust him to do that because he really wants a baby too.

He hardly goes out socialising at all because he was made redubdant a year ago and is struggling to get his own consultancy business off the ground. That's why I feel its important he gets out every now and then because otherwise he'll be miserable.

But...........going out with boys means booze....6,7,8,9, pints of it.....and that will mess up his sperm count and quality and may already be the reason we can't conceive.

Any advice?

Annie

Morloth - you put it much better than me. In one sentence as well.

That was my concern, too.

Dandylioness, I accept that, but the OP says he will. I'm afraid I am going to assume she knows what she is talking about, given she knows the bloke and none of us do.

Or alternatively she is talking from past experience. We can't know either way. But I'm going to trust that she may have more info on that than I do.

Actually I'd be less worried about the one night than the fact his moderate intake isn't that low, either. If this is the hugely reduced level, wtf is the usual like?

dandy I think that's a little harsh on the OP - ttc can be very stressful and really does make you act in a less rational way than normal. That feeling of desperation to be pregnant really messes with judgement

I agree with morloth.

I do actually agree with your other posts dandy - sorry you having bad day. Only thing I would add is that whist 8 months isn't that long in the grand scheme of things - it really can seem it when you living it, when all around you get pregnant at the drop of a hat. It took me 14 months, btw.

I'm surprised you have even had the sperm analysis etc already if you've only been trying for 8 months. On the NHS you have to have been trying for at least a year before it's considered worth starting to investigate. Just saying that to highlight how it is not a long time at all yet.

OP, chill out, as others have said. It took me 2 years, so I know a little bit how you feel, but one night out for either of you will not stop you getting pregnant.

Wish him a good time, and mean it. Sounds like he could do with a night out, as could you!

Sorry Confuzled I am not very well either with a cold, cough and feel like rubbish . I was typing in haste as my dd was throwing a wobbly, not very well either and i was so stressed , i skim read the op and did not read it in detail . You are right confluzled, though one night wont harm but the regular drinking every week might affect things. The op said that her dp cut down but thats still heavy imo if you want ttc. Imo he should have his night out but cut down the drinking in the week

dandy I did have an MC whilst i was trying - and that is when I lost it mentally - i was calm before then. And I guess the sperm quality is what is fuelling this particular stressing from the OP. So this is the angle from which I come

OP yanb totally u but I do think you need to try and take a step back from this.

It took me 16 months of ttc to get pregnant, for a large chunk of that time I made sure DH was aware that alcohol consumption could affect fertility but then didn't bring it up, never stopped him drinking. At about the 1 year mark he finally started to realise that things weren't happening quickly and he cut back on drinking of his own accord. He never drank if we were just in the house together (he previously liked a beer or two in the evening) and I noticed that when out with friends he made an effort to cut back but quite understandably also didn't stop altogether, both because he likes a drink but also I am sure because he didn't want to attract comment. I never commented on how much he was drinking, I felt it really did have to come from him or it wouldn't work. I do think you need to trust your husband, but also you need to let him enjoy himself, ttc can get immensely stressful otherwise.

We do think that both cutting back on alcohol helped in getting the bfp finally, but neither of us stopped drinking totally. I also think that it helped that I had begun to relax and accept that I couldn't control when I got pregnant, that obsessing wasn't going to make it happen any faster. In the lead up to me getting pregnant DH had had several big nights out where he didn't hold back, in fact I had totally discounted the possibilty of getting pregnant that month, as we had spent several evenings before I ovulated sat in a hot tub drinking champagne on holiday .

good luck, 8 months isn't a long time (even though I know it feels it!) and there is still plenty of hope for you