to be pissed off with DH's ex gilfriend

[duvetqueen]

Appoligies for any rambling.

DH has a DD from previous relationship, every week we pay maintainance to dsd's mum. Since crimbo she's been asking for extra money every week saying it's for one thing or another for dsd. DH and I know this is total crap.

The first week his ex asked for more we told her we can only just afford what we currently give her (we've got two kids together and our own bills to pay) we went to pick dsd up and they've just bought a puppy. The next week she wanted more yet she and her partner took dsd and their kids to a play area and for dinner out. Then they got sky but she couldn't send dsd on a school trip and expected me and DH to pay.

AIBU or is she just taking the piss? DH and I very rarely go out every few months if we're lucky coz we can't afford it and can't take dsd, dd and ds out very often either. I know for a factthat dsd'd mum and her partner - neither of whom work - go out every weekend and take their kids and dsd out every other week.

Yet she tries to guilt trip DH saying she needs more for dsd knowing full well that we rarely have money left when bills have been paid and food bought.She makes me so

Why should DH and I give her extra money, on the rare occations we have it, so she can still go out and take her kids out, instead of using our extra money to take our kids (including dsd) out?

Oh dear... it sounds like the rest of us are paying to bring up your DH's daughter then?

My paying her directly, rather than giving the money to the CSA, the ex ends up with more money than she is entitled to. DH's payment should be re-imbursing the taxpayer. Instead, it sounds like the State is either raising his daughter, or paying for his ex's jollies - depending on how you look at it.

It's not the OPs fault at all. I didnt' say it was. It sounds like the feckless ex is the main beneficiary though!

As far as we know the maintenance we pay is being declared, but it's only her word we've got for it. It just seems that coz she can't be sensible with what money she does have she expects us to bail her out instead of scrapping her social life like we've had to.

Have you thought about the fact that if you go through the CSA the amount your DH pays in maintenence will be taken into account for your tax credits? You will be better off because they will factor in that expense when calculating what they give you, and you could (slyly) tel oyu DH's ex that that might mean you can afford to 'give extra' on occasion.

Of course, by going through the CSA she will be up shit creek with the benefits authorities by the sounds of it, so this would be a good way to test the waters. The more she resists, the more you know she's fiddling you, and you've got leverage to stop her being so indecent about the money. And if she doesn't complain (as in she is declaring the CSA) at least you know it's out in the open, and you should hopefully be better off yourselves.

If your DH's ex and her partner both do not work and claim benefit, dsd would be entitled to have her school trips subsided.