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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my mother I am not spending a fortune on her mothers day present?

47 replies

mosschops30 · 08/03/2010 11:51

Everey year she tells me about 2 months in advance what I have to buy her.
This year it was a cd, which is fine, so I just txt and asked her which one and she said 'oh Ive bought it now, but Id love you to send me a big bunch of flowers'

Bearing in mind I am on SMP and had told her 5 minuytes previously that I was taking all of May off so I can complete my treatment for PTSD before I return to work, so would therefore be living like a peasant for the next 3 months.

So i told her I couldnt afford it and that if I lived closer I would happily get her a lovely bouquet but begrudge giving £30 to interflora for some shite flowers that last 3 days.
Then she gets all huffy and said 'well Id like some Marc Jacobs body lotiion but I suppose thats too expensive too' (er yes it is at £23, plus what id pay to post it).
Then she said 'dont bother I dont want anything' which means 'I will remind you for the rest of your life that you didnt get me a present for mothers day'

So AIBU and a big tight arse, or is she?? I'll be happy with a card of the dc's and a dinner I dont have to cook

OP posts:
notnowbernard · 08/03/2010 11:53

YANBU

Your Mum is behaving a bit brattish, if you don't mind me saying so

I am by her phoning you to INSTRUCT you what to buy her!

I think a card would be perfectly reasonable given the circumstances

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 08/03/2010 11:55

Your mum is being a cow. If you want to get her flowers aldi and asda deliver bunches for 10-15 quid but that's not really the point. I would be tempted to get her nothing after that display.

jamaisjedors · 08/03/2010 11:58

Yes your mum is being a pain.

You can get very nice flowers delivered by post by send a bunch if you want to avoid confrontation, they have nice Freesias but they are delivered in a packet - they last ages according to my MUm.

BendyBob · 08/03/2010 12:00

Yanbu. Blimey! What a way to behave.

I only give little token presents and a card to mum/mil. I thought that was what mothers day was all about.

nannynobnobs · 08/03/2010 12:00

Surely it's up to the child to choose a)whether they want to get their mum anything, and b) what it should be!
She is being horrid. YADNBU

Do her a card that says
It's mothers day and times are hard
so here's your fucking hallmark card

Original poster
mosschops30 · 08/03/2010 12:00

Well thats just how she is, I think she has NPD

I think for birthdays or Xmas then £30 is perfectly reasonably, but for mothers day???? Im a 34 year old woman fgs, surely a card would be just as nice.
But know I did just point out to her that with her its all about the present, I should have kept my mouth shut really, this will go on all wk now and when I phone her sunday she will have that 'woe is me' tone to her voice which makes me want to strangle her

OP posts:
Original poster
mosschops30 · 08/03/2010 12:01

lol @ nanny what a great suggestion.

bendy I know, my fave pressie is a homemade card or a card made at school from dc's

OP posts:
MaMight · 08/03/2010 12:03

I think she is missing the point of mother's day.

YANBU

heQet · 08/03/2010 12:08

No, you are not being unreasonable. Your mum is being selfish.

As your mother, she should be more concerned with your finances than a present. I wouldn't dream of making my child buy me something if they were short of money! What parent would think like that? Really? [boggle]

fillybuster · 08/03/2010 12:09

YANBU. My mother drives me up the wall and round the bend most of the time but (thankfully) only gets arsey if I fail to actually send her a card altogether. Which , I have done on occasion.

Quite at your mum, Mossy. I'd be tempted to send bugger all, but you could use the Tesco delivery service (approx £4 delivery) to send her a cheap-ish box of chocs or something like that instead. But only if that makes you feel better.

EarthMotherImNot · 08/03/2010 12:13

If my mum wasn't dead and buried I'd swear we shared the same one mosschops.

Another one of her little gems used to be that no matter what lengths you had gone to finding her something special my brother or sister had got her the perfect thing!

It wasn't until after she'd died we twigged she'd told each of us the same thing

All she accomplished was making us resent each other

diddl · 08/03/2010 12:14

YANBU.
I´d just send a card.

When young we often made cards and presents.
As adults, we always sent a card & tbh presents were optional-if we saw something she´d like fine,if not,she "made do" with a card & a visit.

weegiemum · 08/03/2010 12:17

For mother's day my kids get me:

a card made at school (or hurriedly on Sat!)
a bunch of flowers from the supermarket (£5 tops)
an easter egg!

(no matter how much I hint about an iphone!)

My mum gets:

nothing, I don't speak to her!

My MIL and SM get:

bunch of flowers - next time we see them, and a card.

Your mother is BVU. Ignore!

KurriKurri · 08/03/2010 12:18

She is being a bit of a Mumzilla, what next - a gift list?

ShadeofViolet · 08/03/2010 12:32

YANBU - I dont do Mothers day presents really. I dont give one to my Mum and my children dont give me a pressie, just cards they have made.

Your Mum is BVU to demand what she wants for mothers day!

DramaInPyjamas · 08/03/2010 12:36

Me and my Mum don't have that great of a relationship. But I send her a card for the sake of the children (they get on with her) and get them to make her some biscuits. That's all. If she likes them, then fine. If she doesn't, then tough shit.

Your Mum sounds like a spoilt child! I would have a word with her if I was you.
YANBU!

Pollyanna · 08/03/2010 12:49

You are not being at all unreasonable - my mum is just the same mosschops. Each year, she comes up with something really expensive that she would like, or we struggle to choose something she would like. It is never enough. Last year we took her out for lunch, got her a links bracelet, and she complained that we didn't get her flowers! (I think she also has npd fwiw) (Oh and the one year I didn't get her anything - which was about 20 years ago - she still goes on about!).

OneFatArse · 08/03/2010 13:16

YANBU in the slightest.

My mum and mil will get a card and v small token gift, if that, usually just a card.

I tell dh every year that I only want handmade cards from the dcs.

Waste of money imo.

2rebecca · 08/03/2010 14:06

I used to just get my mum a card, sometimes flowers. I'd ring her and chat. She would never have told me what to buy. It isn't supposed to be about presents, just considering your mum.
I'd probably tell her it's your job to select the present if there is one not hers. She sounds quite nasty with the emotional blackmail.

humptynumpty · 08/03/2010 14:26

YANBU at all
My mum and mil only got a card each.
I don't expect to get anything, would just be nice to have a relaxing family day.

Fimbow · 08/03/2010 14:32

My mother expects presents too and if she had her way she would get them from the dc as well as me.

She likes the cards to have "flowery" words inside it too, like as if I have made it up just for her, rather than someone in a factory somewhere. I know buy cards that simply say "happy mothers day".

She too displays NPD tendencies. I would never get away with just a card.

GrimmaTheNome · 08/03/2010 14:41

YANBU

Blimey. My mum's pleased if all 3 of us actually remember to send a card or phone. Flowers are a bonus. I'm going to send her some cash this year instead though so she can get what she wants - interflora/M&S etc really are a rip off. I've ordered some for MIL - not that she'd complain if she only got a card, but she does appreciate them.

What they will both like best is a homemade card from DD so I'd better get her onto that sharpish.

You've just made me realise how lucky I am with mum and MIL!

stepfordmum · 08/03/2010 14:57

YANBU

Sounds a bit like my Mum, although she will be expecting an item of clothing. I have bought her some chocolate instead just to wind her up!

Original poster
mosschops30 · 08/03/2010 16:10

pollyanna my mum does exactly the same, she remembers the one year (in my teens I think) when I didnt get her anything!

A few weeks ago she brought up the time I got drunk at school and how ashamed she was as if it was a funny annecdote. I now just sit in silence when shes telling these and then go on to something else as if shes never spoken.

Thought you'd like to know that she sent this txt whilst I was out:
'Id like a nice toilet bag for holidays or some earings in pink please nothing expensive, just costume jewellery'

I gave in and bought a toilet bag which cost me bloody £15 and a card without gushy words (which shed prefer) sadly there wasnt one approrpriate (along the lines of 'MUM, youre possibly the most selfish, self indulgent, self centred, rudest person Ive ever met. Me and dh would love you to never visit again as you upset the whole family when you do. Please stop thinking you have the worst life in the world and that everyone owes you a favour, they dont ...... lots of love mosschops'

OP posts:
StrictlyKatty · 08/03/2010 17:03

Good God your Mum sounds sooooo greedy! Just like my Mother, it's all about her feeling like I owe her something. I HATE Mother's Day, we don't get on and I resent all the gushy crap