To tell my mother I am not spending a fortune on her mothers day present?

[mosschops30]

Everey year she tells me about 2 months in advance what I have to buy her.
This year it was a cd, which is fine, so I just txt and asked her which one and she said 'oh Ive bought it now, but Id love you to send me a big bunch of flowers'

Bearing in mind I am on SMP and had told her 5 minuytes previously that I was taking all of May off so I can complete my treatment for PTSD before I return to work, so would therefore be living like a peasant for the next 3 months.

So i told her I couldnt afford it and that if I lived closer I would happily get her a lovely bouquet but begrudge giving £30 to interflora for some shite flowers that last 3 days.
Then she gets all huffy and said 'well Id like some Marc Jacobs body lotiion but I suppose thats too expensive too' (er yes it is at £23, plus what id pay to post it).
Then she said 'dont bother I dont want anything' which means 'I will remind you for the rest of your life that you didnt get me a present for mothers day'

So AIBU and a big tight arse, or is she?? I'll be happy with a card of the dc's and a dinner I dont have to cook

Does anyone just not 'do' Mothers Day. DP and I both love (not always like I should add on my part) our mothers and have fine relationships but neither were brought up to give cards or gifts so we don't, and we don't expect it from our kids either (though I do get the nursery crafted ones). I don't even get an extra break or lie in. It totally bypasses me by. However I think I am the only one of my friends who is like this and I am wondering if I am alone.

BramblyHedge, my grown up DS doesn't do mother's day because he thinks its a commercial rip off. However he often takes me out to lunch/coffee, gets theatre tickets for me or buys a book he thinks I'd like on other days. And is very loving and generous - so I have no complaints, it doesn't bother me.

Think your mum needs to grow up.

I think the mums who deserve breakie in bed, flowers etc are the mums who have small children and are run off their feet.

You are a mum too, it is as much your day as your mums.

yanbu. Your mum is behaving like a spoilt child. I suggest you show your mum this thread.

Fimbow - my mother is identical to yours!

"Oh I would have thought your DDS would have sent a card."

Me: "But you're not their mother."

No, but you see such lovely cards these days, don't you? For Nanna, on Mothers Day."

FFS.

Also has never forgotten the time she didn't get the flowers until the Monday (delivery cocked up, not my fault) or the ones which died three days later (she complained to the florist and got another bunch "but it wasn't the same really.")

agedknees - very true about which mothers deserve the lie in etc, but this relies on a DH that "believes" in Mother's Day......

My mother expects a present, a good one, one year she wasn't impressed ( I think I was about 16, ffs ) and she sulked for 2 months. She also expects now to be invited over for lunch and waited on. While I rush around, cooking lunch and washing up for all my family and her and my fussy Dad.

I hate Mother's Day.

..........so, sorry OP, went off on my own one there a bit.oops.

YANBU.

< sending empathy >

My Mum & MIL get dinner here (+ Dads) - & that plus a card (and maybe some Asda flowers) will be it.

Every year MIL says "Oh no, I couldn't possibly, it's your day, until I say my Mum is coming, then she agrees to come too.

Actually, it is easy. Mum & MIL get on well, the men will fall asleep & I get to drink lots of wine.

yanbu!
I thought it was a mother's job to be delighted with any old shite; the cheaper the better.
My mil requests expensive stuff for birthdays and Christmas, but I can't imagine her expecting anything other than a card for mothers' day, and if she did, she'd be disappointed.
That said, I like a bunch of daffs!

MIL, both SIL's and I - plus husbands and children - are all going out for dinner together. DH will be with his Mum while also being with me and the DCs and no-one has to cook or wash up while we all get to spend time together - perfect.

That and a homemade card and I'll be happy

Going to make a little photo montage in a frame for my Mum I think. She still appreciates homemade pressies and I'm 31!! If I'm not seeing her, I send flowers. She would never 'order' something Mothers Day is never more than a gesture gift in our family.

I'm surprised at the mothers of mothers who expect their now redundant mothering to take precedence over their daughters' active mothering role.
It seems odd that they don't value their daughters' roles as mothers and step back a bit.
When we were young we spent the day fussing over our mum and my parents just phoned their mothers and sent cards.
When I became a mother of a child old enough to know what was going on (I think expecting a mothers day fuss from your husband when the kid is just a baby is a bit silly) then mothers day became more between the kids and I and I just phoned my mum.
When my daughter has kids I expect her to be doing mothers day stuff with her kids not doing what I want. If she remembers to phone me and send a card I'll be happy.

Oh, thank God I'm not the only one with a mother like this.

Mine is not really speaking to me after a falling out in Jan, but has texted today to ask what 'we' are all doing on Mother's Day. I'd like to know why my brother has never done anything, it's all down to me, and I'm the one with small DCs?

Grrr. I will also have to get a present that is deemed good enough. Although I still haven't had a 40th birthday present from my mother, who decided to punish me for not inviting me to the dinner I had (twelve friends, all the same age - would you invite your mother?!)

Ahhh - feel slightly better for the rant. Thanks.

Off to text DB and tell him to shift his arse.

My mum is getting a humorous book on being a lesbian , I hope she likes it!

DD is too young really to understand, but if DH is very lucky she will do a card at nursery so he doesn't have to bother

And all he has to do for me is take DD to his Mum's for the day, MIL gets to see loving son and Granddaughter and I get a nice break, everyone's a winner!

2rebecca fully agree with you.

I do send my own mother a card and present (sometimes we see her but not generally) and she is always appreciative, regardless of what it is.

Mil is still very angry that her own mother used to insist on being taken out for lunch, and mil never really "had" mother's day when dh and his brother were young.

She does expect/demand that we see her on the day. 2 years ago we decided (with a newborn and a 4 year old) to go out for the day. Dh went round specially the night before with a card and present.

Mil had a tantrum, told him to "get fucked" and said the present would be chucked in the wheely bin.

Last year we went round late afternoon but she was sulky because she hadn't seen us earlier. This year I think we shall just please ourselves because there is certainly no pleasing her. Dh is going to post her a card.

"'MUM, youre possibly the most selfish, self indulgent, self centred, rudest person Ive ever met. Me and dh would love you to never visit again as you upset the whole family when you do. Please stop thinking you have the worst life in the world and that everyone owes you a favour, they dont ......"

I could have written those words about my MIL. I wonder if you're my SIL!

Mosschops - I remember your threads about your birth etc and some of your threads about your mum and she totally sounds like she has NPD. Honestly, after what you've been through, and still needing treatment for PTSD and having made it clear that things are tight financially, I am outraged on your behalf that she has the nerve to ask for something so expensive. Never mind instructing you on what to get her two months in advance!!! for you.

Shall I go over and slap some sense into her?

YANBU.

mum and mil use the cliche don't get us anything and they really do mean it.

we always get them something of course but it tends to be a plant rather than flowers that die after couple days and never spend more than £10. we just all make sure we're about

sounds bit childish/spoilt to me but it takes alsorts

jacksmama - I shall send you her address and you can slap as you wish

Shes bloody coming down too at easter, luckily dh will be back in work and I didnt give in on the hotel thing so she is not staying with us however although she masquerades it as a 'visit to see the grandchildren' she will want to:

• get hair cut
• go out for meals
• go shopping all day
• watch lame daytime tv

My mum still has the power to make me grit my teeth - hard - despite my mantra of "let it go, let it go".

I invited her and dad down (they live quite a distance away) for this weekend as DS has an open day at his school on Saturday and I thought they would like to see his school. They were really chuffed and and talked happily about getting here as early as possible on friday to spend the day with DS.

Phone call this week. My sis has invited her out to luch for mothers day on the sunday (she lives halfway between) so mum and dad will leave on saturday night so as to be tere fresh on sunday. This is fine really. mum and I are not close but she and sis are. Mum refers to her three kids as "ours". Further phone call today. sister's eldest (and mums most beloved) is has having a school open day on friday. So they are going to that and will just come to us late friday now. So DS, who is very excited about nana and grandad coming will be granted less than a day. Whereas my sisters kids see them more or less every other weekend.

I'm okay abut this really but do feel a bit arrrgghhhhh on DS's behalf. He will never be equal to his cousins in their eyes (and that's my fault I suppose) - I just hope he never realises that. Now I have to re-set his expecations. Grr.

Mum will get a carefully selected card (which does NOT gush about how she has always been there for me blah blah) and a small box of chocs. That's her lot.

Elffriend for your DS

My Mum & I have our share of Mother/Daughter issues - but honest to god, reading what some of you have to put up with - I'll try to remember to count my blessings more often!! (mostly when I'm about to batter her when she's going on & on & on & on about things that have nothing to do with her - judgemental doesn't even cover it.....).

Mosschops- you have the perfect words for a card - why not make your own

this-too-shall-pass-this-too-shall-pass-this-too-shall-pass - invaluable mantra!

Good grief mosschops

My mum would never ask for something specific, at least not uninvited. Sometimes in our family we do say "hey, what do you want for mother's day/birthday/xmas/whatever" in which case we just ask. DH and I hardly ever treat ourselves to anything so it's a good excuse to get something we really want. But to just demand ask out of the blue is flippin rude!

Mum is always pleasantly surprised and bashful that I get her anything as we're very low income. And reading some PPs, I just remembered that on my first mother's day (after DD was born) she got me a card as well