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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think Dads dont babysit?

72 replies

maduggar · 07/03/2010 15:54

I am planning my Hen night, and was shocked when a couple of my friends said they woudl let me know if they could make it after they had asked their partners if they would "babysit".

Am I wrong in thinking that a childs father, who lives with the child, should not be asked to babysit? If I want to go out, I ask my DP if he minds me going out, I do not ask him to babysit. Same goes for him, he does not ask me to babysit so he can go out, he merely asks if I mind him going.

I am probably BU, but it just doesnt sit right with me.

OP posts:

thumbwitch · 09/03/2010 03:03

I'm on the fence with this one, in that it is just a phrase that means sitting with the baby/children; but OTOH it is part and parcel of being a Dad so shouldn't be looked upon as a favour to you, or something that requires payment in any shape or form (not usually monetary when it's their Dad).

I don't ask DH to babysit, I ask him to take care of his son.

sunshine2009 · 09/03/2010 08:51

I say I am babysitting for my kids when my husband goes out. I dont see anything wrong with saying that. My husband asks me to babysit every time he leaves the house even when he is going down the gym. He just says would you mind babysitting for a bit? and I say yes or no. Nothing wrong with it imo.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 09/03/2010 09:00

I think the word babysit is nonsense when used in relation to the parents of the child. There might be women on here whose DPs use it about them but we all know it's mostly men who are considered to be 'babysitting' when mum gets a night out. How many single mothers stay in every night to 'babysit' their children? No, they are just looking after them. As is the dad when the mum goes out.

I have been asked where DS is when out in the pub of an evening. I reply 'at home' to which people have actually looked confused. They were not under the impression that I am a single parent. It's unfathomable. Do you think anyone ever asks him where DS is when he's out?

Tcanny · 23/09/2011 19:58

I think Snorbs has the point nailed pretty well with the comment.

"I'd say it's more insulting to dads, no?"

I am a stay at home dad, am I babysitting my children all the time my wife is working? ..... Am I buggery! I have been known to swear at people from time to time when asked if I am babysitting my kids, as babysitting is something I do when i look after a friends children so they can go out.

No it isnt just a phrase. It not only implies that childcare is the womans role and men only do it as a favour. It also implies that men are somehow not competent childcarers.

carernotasaint · 24/09/2011 01:36

I dont have children and i totally agree that it is sexist and implies that its the womans job. i responded to a thread on MSE earlier this year which was started by a man who was trying to convince his girlfriend to have a baby but she didnt want one.
Get this...his way of persuading her was using the phrase "i promise to "help out" where i can. And he couldnt understand what was wrong with this even though loads of us tried explaining it to him. The mind boggles!

cecilyparsley · 24/09/2011 01:49

just a phrase ..ha ha, like 'I've done the washing up for you' or 'shall I clean the floor for you' is just a phrase.

My ex used to say that alot, when I complained he seemed confused but then came up with 'ok I've done the washing up for us'
it would appear that he was conditioned from the get-go to regard certain tasks as 'womens work' regardless and was unable (unwilling) to reconfigure his neural circuits

AfternoonDelight · 24/09/2011 05:03

DP "looks after the kids". I don't know if anyone in my life has ever referred to it as "babysitting". I haven't noticed over my excitement at being out with grown ups in a place with a bar

Beautifulbabyboy · 24/09/2011 05:19

ha ha this thread has made me laugh. :-)) My hubby is fantastic and would never use the phrase babysit, it is other people who use it for him. My family are so impressed that he is doing 50% of caring for our newborn when at home, they feel the need to praise him constantly, whereas I keep thinking 50% of the baby is his....

wotabouttheworkers · 24/09/2011 05:42

Would call it babysitting only if it were done by someone outside the family. From the time my youngest was 18m, and their father was looking after them I if I was occasionally out in the evening, he would pay the two older children (then 7 and 8) to bath her, read to her and put her to bed.

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 24/09/2011 07:32

YABU.

I'm a SAHM and I joke that I babysit when DH goes out of an evening! I really wouldn't take it too seriously.

notcitrus · 24/09/2011 08:29

I call it babysitting when I stay home and ds is (with luck) asleep, as does MrNC.
You're sitting in the lounge because there's a baby in the house - what difference does it make if you're its parent or not? I suppose 'childminding' might be more accurate but most people without kids wouldn't know what you meant!

I do get narked though if people start cooing that MrNC is 'so good' to babysit whereas obviously I'm expected to of an evening. And point out that it was his turn.

MuthaInsuperior · 24/09/2011 09:09

God this saying pisses me right off. I had a friend once who would often say her husband was "babysitting" his own kids. I remember one time she'd come over really ill and needed to go into hospital. When she came out she was told to rest. She told me her husband had been "really good to me, he's even got the baby ready for the day for me"

Oh how good of him

TryLikingClarity · 24/09/2011 09:23

YANBU!

I recently gave up work and became a SAHM.

A totally senseless relation (he's young, single and no kids) was making small talk with me and said, "So, TryLikingClarity are you just going to babysit DS fullt-time now?"

After I picked my jaw up off the floor I told him that it's impossible to babysit ones own children, but that yes I was going to be at home full time.

Like Kat futher up the thread I have had people look at me oddly when I tell them DS is at home. As if I've left him there with just the cat to look after him His father, who also has parental responsibility is there with him. An actual grown adult with joint duty of care for him.

Urgh! The phrase babysit in these contexts annoys me!

nannynick · 24/09/2011 09:33

Babysit, childmind, any word like those is wrong as they are the own children of adults who together make up the family. The dad or mum who is at home with the children, need not be the biological parent. If they are in the role of mum/dad then caring for the children is part of the role.

Wonder what you do call it - being a parent?nd, any word like those is wrong as they are the own children of adults who together make up the family. The dad or mum who is at home with the children, need not be the biological parent. If they are in the role of mum/dad then caring for the children is part of the role.

Wonder what you do call it - being a parent?

halcyondays · 24/09/2011 09:56

I know what you mean, but I think it's just a short way of saying, they'll have to check that their partners are going to be available to look after the dc, that they're not working or have a prior engagement. We wouldn't use the term but if one of us was planning to go out, obviously we'd have to make sure the other was going to be at home as we have no other babysitters.

mumeeee · 24/09/2011 10:00

This in an old thread that was started in March 2010. Saying your DH is babysitting is just a phrase it's not sexist. As I've said before when our children were young whichever one was at home looking after the children was babysitting.

MuthaInsuperior · 24/09/2011 10:02

Oh god yes "I've done the washing up for you" - yes because I am the only person in the house than benefits from clean plates. Twat.

xxDebstarxx · 24/09/2011 10:04

It winds me up too. You are not babysitting looking after your own children.

StewieGriffinsMom · 24/09/2011 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MistyMountainHop · 24/09/2011 11:46

this is one of my absolute PET HATES as well

have never heard a mum being described as "babysitting" her own dc

reeks of sexism

mumeeee · 24/09/2011 14:07

I have heard of a mum babysitting her own children. If one parent goes out in the evening then the other one is babysitting. It has always been that way in our family.

alarkaspree · 24/09/2011 14:13

I agree with mumeeee, I would say I was babysitting if I was invited out but couldn't go because dh was going out. I do think it's slightly the wrong word but it's not offensive to me.

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