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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be utterly pissed off with dh....................

47 replies

walkingonthemoon · 06/03/2010 07:55

as I seem to be the one who by default, gets up with the children every sodding weekend....

If I get to lie in it is only by prior appointment only (I ask) say if I am going out the night before.

I am sure this is the same for many women but I am getting so fed up of this expectation, I feel like the bloody unpaid housekeeper/cook/au pair.

Its the same for cooking aswell, he just won't do it and if he does, its defrosting a meal I have made in the freezer for a leter date or a bloody pizza.

Right, rant over. I'm going to get the kids breakfast while he sleeps.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

OP posts:
gingernutlover · 06/03/2010 07:57

what happens if you just dont get up?

IWishIWasAFrog · 06/03/2010 07:57

Same here... allthough it's only the baby.

yanbu

Goblinchild · 06/03/2010 08:03

Sit down and talk with him at a reasonable point. Lay out your terms and negotiate an agreement, Then stick to it, both sides.
Getting grumpy and banging about, throwing out occasional comments won't even register with the average male.
Sort out who cooks/washes up/hoovers on which days, who does the laundry and shopping. That sort of thing.
And who gets a lie-in on which days. Lay it out clearly, explain why you feel like you do in simple and specific phrases, and that he is being unreasonable in your opinion.

LoveMyGirls · 06/03/2010 08:03

It's the other way round in our house lately, I got up today because it's been about 3 weeks since dh last had a lie in because I've been ill/ very busy etc the past few weeks.

He's a natural morning person and once he's awake hes awake, I'm not and I'm a very heavy sleeper and can go back off easily without meaning to, I do sometimes say I'll get up and he'll insist I stay in bed.

I wouldn't cope in your situation I am so tired and grumpy without enough sleep.

We usually take it in turns one lies in on sat and one on sun, I think that's the only fair way, can you wake your dh up at about 8.30-9 with a cup of tea and tell him your going back to bed until 11?

Original poster
walkingonthemoon · 06/03/2010 08:08

yeh, have already decided to talk to him when he gets up. Will try and be clam about it.

Actually, I can hear my dd talking to him now so she must have gone in to him. Mmmm, will still talk to him though. Having said that, I have this feeling of deja vu when we have discussions like these - it works for a bit and then it slides....

OP posts:
Haskell · 06/03/2010 08:09

Do you both work the same number of hours?
You need to sit down and divide up the chores fairly.
Should be one lie-in (uninterrupted) each though

LoveMyGirls · 06/03/2010 08:10

Don't let it slide. The first time its his turn and he tries to not get up just say it's your turn to get up, I am not getting up and then he will have to get up.

ILovePlayingDarts · 06/03/2010 08:14

Luckily for me, my two dcs (9 and 6) are now able to get their own breakfasts, without too much mess. And as DP works most Saturdays, I didn't have much choice but to get up. At least now I get a little lie-in. But as I get up most mornings at 6am for work, staying in bed to 8am feels like luxury!

feedtheyakandhewillscore · 06/03/2010 08:17

We do one day of lie in each over the weekend.

But the food thing- YANBU dh has never so much as made a slice of toast for me and dc!

Megatron · 06/03/2010 08:22

YANBU. If you can nip this in the bud now you definitely should! I've done the whole 'sit down and talk about it' gig with DH about 4 times now over the last couple of years. It's made NO difference whatsoever and I'm weary of the 'discussions' about it now. He's a lazy bastard I'm afraid. He just won't do it. I can't just not get up one day because DD absolutely has to have her medication at certain times, including first thing in the morning. We both work hard but I also do all the housework, cooking etc and appear to have 'MUG' tattooed across my forehead, but I've come to the conclusion now after years of going mental about it that that's just the way it is here and I don't see it changing any time soon. It seems I either have to kick him out or put up with it so looks like I'll be putting up with it, he's pretty good the rest of the time!

Cheappinkfizz · 06/03/2010 08:31

It's the same in our house too. However, when he does eventually get up (sometimes not until 1pm) I hand ds over to him for the rest of the day! I've been on duty all morning so he can have him all afternoon.

It actually works in my favour as ds doesn't doesn't get up too early, 7am, I get to slob about all morning with ds and then I go out in the afternoon or make jewellery.

I'd tell him if he wants a lie in then you want something in return, although it sounds like your pissed off about more than just a lie in. Have a chat see what he says

DitaVonCheese · 06/03/2010 09:26

YANBU. Two days in the weekend, two of you = one lie-in each.

saslou · 06/03/2010 09:36

My husband works and I am a SAHM so I do tend to get up with the dc at the weekend. Thought it was just me getting a bit resentful at this because although I am at home I am taking care of everything that keeps a hme running smoothly(when not on MN). Think maybe we have all indulged our dh alittle too much. Just off to wake him up now!

babyball · 06/03/2010 09:39

Being a "SAHM mum" (hate that term), you also work full-time, sop deserve one lie-in at the weekend!

LittleMissSnowShine · 06/03/2010 09:41

Agree with goblinchild. YAdefNBU but nagging men just doesn't work, they get pissed off, sulk, inevitably we end up being the ones to apologise so the whole weekend is ruined etc and then next weekend the same thing happens.

You need to talk to him about it calmly when you're not pissed off and get him to agree that you're equally entitled to a lie in, so next weekend he won't have a leg to stand on when you calmly remind him it's his turn to get up with the kids while you stay in bed.

You catch more flies with honey etc

LEMisdiscombobulated · 06/03/2010 09:49

my poor DP never gets a lie in, my DD only wants him in the morning, so he has to get up sat and sunday - tis no good, he works hard all week - i feel guilty - but do i get my lazy rump out of bed - no sireeee

Original poster
walkingonthemoon · 08/03/2010 07:56

Hi, you will be all very proud - had a calm chat wih dh last night. Not sure how long it will last though.... lets see. Thanks to all.

OP posts:
allaboutme · 08/03/2010 09:08

Definitely have set days rather than agreeing that 'he will do his fair share' as that will reduce any arguments in the mornings!
IE you have lie in Saturdays and him Sundays. Then on a Saturday you can just elbow him awake and say 'your turn' and he cant quibble!
We have set days now and its working well!

WingedVictory · 08/03/2010 09:10

DH and I have one day each: his lie in is Saturday (after the week in the office), and mine is Sunday.

This is "despite" the possible interpretation that I am a SAHM/WAHM and he "works". Thankfully, our shared interpretation is that we both work.

We did an impromptu swap a couple of months ago, when I was ill on Friday evening, but it worked well, as he got up without complaint, and I had recovered the next day, so gave him my Sunday lie-in in lieu.

Even though I know this is the fair way to do, it is sadly not the only way it is done (witnessing the above), and I am very grateful we have got the arrangement settled.

Fruitysunshine · 08/03/2010 09:19

We each have a lie in on a weekend - usually deciding on the Saturday morning who stays in bed and who gets up. The next morning it is automatically reversed.

If we both have to get up early on a weekend then the next morning we both tend to lie an hour later, but probably have the girls in with us jumping around and on top of us whilst we try to kip!

It works well.

thesecondcoming · 08/03/2010 09:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stigaloid · 08/03/2010 09:26

blush - i always get the lie-in. but then i am up every night with the baby so fair's fair.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 08/03/2010 09:30

Lie ins in our house are one each per weekend. I wouldn't accept getting up all the time. Fair's fair.

I must admit I can't abide the thought of grown adults and parents laying in bed till 11am or even 1pm! Lie ins in our house end at 9. I obviously have a puritanical streak as to lay in bed that much longer just makes my teeth itch. What a waste of a day. And what a bad example to the kids - you should be up and doing!

disclaimer - obviously my prejudice re lie ins does not include people who have worked all night!!!

CirrhosisByTheSea · 08/03/2010 09:31

ha how funny Stig, we were both probably typing 'fair's fair' at the same moment!!

minxofmancunia · 08/03/2010 09:37

we try to take it in turns dh is pretty good about it. I'm a shit sleeper though so unless they actually go out i end up getting up anyway. If i slept "through" myself at night I'd have no need of a lie in anyway as 7 hours continuous or more would be a miracle for me!