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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with the school?

31 replies

Disenchanted3 · 04/03/2010 20:10

Or more specifically DSs teacher?

He came home a few days ago sad because it was 'cake sale day' he says everyone had a hexagon coin (20p) and bought a cake.

He said he got half a cake because he had no 20p

We were not told to give him 20p! We had no idea,

DS has glue ear and often doesn't hear whats being said so may not have known himself.

And even if he did know how is a 5 year old supposed to be a reliable messenger??

AIBU to suggest to the teacher that she should put a 'message board' in the classroom window with any information we need to know on it?!

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 04/03/2010 20:13

Oh poor little fellow - a notice board is def the way forward or notes in bags.

Did you do some baking when you got home?

Mind you, a few days later it's not really worth still being worked up about is it??

Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 04/03/2010 20:14

No its not, but I want to make sure we get messages in future.

OP posts:
chegirlshadabloodynuff · 04/03/2010 20:18

Dont get me started! My DS has SN and is always missing out on non uniform days etc because his teacher 'tells him' things instead of giving him a note.

DS has a 3 year language delay and auditory processing disorder. But he is supposed to remember what is said to him and relay it to me hours later.

I have even missed parent's evenings.

On one occassion I was told by the TA 'well they have to learn dont they' to which I replied 'well thats the problem isnt it, DS has learning difficulties so wont just learn will he?'

So you have my sympathy. It does seem like a small thing and it probably is but its still annoying and avoidable.

hocuspontas · 04/03/2010 20:19

Remember 5 year-olds are not 100% reliable! It could be something set up in the role-play area and there weren't enough coins to go round! Just ask the teacher what the normal communication lines are - letter, email etc. If she expects the children to relay messages then ask her if she could remember to ask him if he heard or not. I'd be surprised though at that age if they were relying on the children to convey messages home.

saslou · 04/03/2010 20:26

YANBU. Teacher should not just have given your ds half a cake because he had no money. How childish and mean is that? Not too much to ask for teacher to send you home a note. Schools can be very thoughtless sometimes. Have said before(in one of my rants)that they spend so much time with children that they often end up acting like them. Your poor ds

bernadetteoflourdes · 04/03/2010 20:33

Why can't they do email alerts for those who sign up or put the alert on the school website. It saves paper and verbally telling a group of 4/5yr olds is stupid. My son has missed every cake day coz they dont put it on notices just word of mouth. This is all too common a problem and the old he "must have lost the bit of paper" does not wash. Because my son had 2 teachers sharing they each seemed to assume the other was handing out the headteacher's notes so we would routinely get the notices a week after other classes and be too late for some events. Why spend a fortune on website design and then not use it effectively?

Heated · 04/03/2010 20:53

Can you tell them in case of future miscommunication through your son to opt him in rather than assume he's out?

Ds missed out on a fundraising event that they really didn't explain to new parents; TA put a note in his reading book to explain he'd taken part & if we wanted to make a donation of 40p we could.

clam · 04/03/2010 21:07

First I'd check that it wasn't "just" left to the children to relay the information and that you haven't missed a paragraph in a newsletter or something.

Our school goes to endless, expensive lengths to try to keep parents informed in a variety of ways. However, there are still a fair few parents who indignantly complain that "no one told us" as if expecting personalised invitations.

Goblinchild · 04/03/2010 21:10

Our school has a newsletter system, but copies of all letters home are emailed to parents if they want to be on the list.
WE still get parents denying they know anything about events. My first port of call is always the bookbag. The letter is usually still inside.

bernadetteoflourdes · 04/03/2010 23:23

I agree Clam I have no issue with the printed sheet and always check the bag. It is the word of mouth communication it is pointless in the young ones as they cant remember .Iam happy to look online for info, and our school must have spent a fortune to design/set up. their site But has not been updated since the Nativity Play, and you can attach read receipts to emails to check that parents who sign up have got theirs. I don't get why they are being so prehistoric

lockets · 04/03/2010 23:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 05/03/2010 10:52

Lockets yes!!

I know it was real as he said xxx's mummy made cookies and cakes

I honestly had no idea,

it makes me feel really sad as its the kind of thing my mum always put loads of effort into and I remember feeling really proud at all my cakes, but my son went oin with nothing and got half a cake!!

OP posts:
haggisaggis · 05/03/2010 10:58

Our school operates a "red folder" system. Every FAMILY (not child - but we are a small school so easy to operate) has a red fabric zipped folder which comes home on Fridays with notes, newsletters etc in it. It is returned on teh Monday with completed forms, dinner money etc.
Works really well!

clam · 05/03/2010 18:39

So he did get some cake then? Isn't that good news? Meaning someone made sure he wasn't left out?
Shouldn't you be thanking them, not complaining?

spiderpig8 · 05/03/2010 19:03

I think it was really kind to give him cake and not leave him out.Doesn't take away from the fact that there needs to be a more reliable communications channel.Things like that are always in a letter at our school

susue · 05/03/2010 19:14

Can't understand why pwople like clam make a comment about 'so he did get some cake then' when if the'd read it properly they would know he only got HALF a cake!!It's crap as he didn't get to make cakes with his Mum or proudly take them to school the next day with 20p and buy a whole cake for himself.They should have just given him a cake knowing his Mum would want him to join in and would pay up the next day, this just shows the lack of common sense and care that the teachers have stopped displaying. Poor lad

clam · 05/03/2010 19:15

And I expect they were at this school too. I don't believe that it was left to word-of-mouth by 5 year-olds. Infant school staff do know what small children are like, you know!

FabIsDoingPrettyWell · 05/03/2010 19:17

Mean mean mean mean

Half a flipping cake because he didn't have 20p. My God.

CAT me your address and I will send him some cakes.

Feenie · 05/03/2010 19:23

"They should have just given him a cake knowing his Mum would want him to join in and would pay up the next day"

Really? As a much younger teacher I would often give children 20p for cakes,on occasions like this - I was very rarely given the money back, and soon learnt not to bother.

laydeestardust · 05/03/2010 19:29

Oh dear poor you OP -sending you lots of empathy.

If other parents had made cakes it does sort of suggest that it'd been announced in some way-at our school I can remember only one occasion we missed because there had been no letter-( it was a teddy bears' picnic and they'd told everyone verbally at pick up time...which was done that day by granddad who is very hard of hearing.....)

If they really haven't sent any letters or emails etc then maybe have a word.

I really do feel your pain, I cannot bear any of mine to miss out on a treat. Once, when 10 days overdue with DC4 I forgot to send money for DC3 to buy a cake-the teacher lent her 20p-which I repaid of course-but I burst into tears in front of all the other parents at home time and sobbed to the teacher that I was a failure as a mum.

Never done anything like it before or since and the memory still makes me

legspinner · 05/03/2010 19:31

Disenchanted3, yes the school should be more proactive sending messages home and not just rely on word-of-mouth from the kids, particularly year 1!

Our school uses an email list for each class, v useful for letting us know weekly events / class trips / last minute stuff etc. I have all 3 DCs at the same school so sometimes it feels as if we are being spammed, but I'd rather that than nothing!

My DD's year 3 class has set up a password-protected wikipage where they can post photos, examples of their work etc, and they have class notices on that too. That's all down to their teacher though (don't think any of the other classes have them).

susue · 05/03/2010 19:31

I didn't say the teacher should give the kid 20p, again if the post had been read properly I said give him the cake. Another example how the school you were in also didn't pass messages properly to the parents. The parents get annoyed but the real annoyance is the poor kids feel left out and upset by it all.

onebadbaby · 05/03/2010 19:35

YANBU- note or maessage is essential in Y1.

Feenie · 05/03/2010 19:37

"I didn't say the teacher should give the kid 20p, again if the post had been read properly I said give him the cake."

Same difference - kindness was shown, parents found out later, didn't give a toss.

You don't need to make assumptions regarding my school - I feel a week long poster campaign around the grounds of the school, several announcements in assembly, reminders by class teachers, a letter from the PTA and at least two newsletters to be more than sufficient. But some parents won't be happy until they receive a personal phone call alerting them to each and every event.

TulipsInTheRain · 05/03/2010 19:52

Unfortunately in dd's school it is left to word of mouth.

I got a phone call before Hallowr'en from dd's teacher/principal telling me that dd was upset as other kids were dressed up but she wasn't.

It was the third message in two weeks i hadn't gotten from the school and i said as much to the teacher who made some limp excuse about 'Well seeing as they don't get home work yet (dd was 4) we can't write it in their homework diaries'

When i got to the school later that day it turned out half her class wasn't dressed up as they'd had no message home. She came up to me and continued the discussion, in front of other parents, and basically told me as dd is the oldest in her family she won't get messages home and i should start coming to PTA meetings if i want to find out anything..... PTA meetings which are spread by word of mouth and even my friend the vice-chair often misses as she doesn't know they're on!

Due to me and other parents getting cross she's taken to getting the older kids in the school to write notes in the smallies diaries