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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have ranted at dp on the phone just now?

29 replies

dilemma456 · 04/03/2010 19:46

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
nickytwotimes · 04/03/2010 19:48

Yanbu.

Poor you and your wee dd.

pjmama · 04/03/2010 19:49

Did he know how much DD was missing him and looking forward to seeing him? If so, I think it's a bit rotten to choose to go off socialising instead. And hasn't he missed her?! I'd have given him an earbashing too.

skidoodle · 04/03/2010 19:50

Yanbu

what a cock

skidoodle · 04/03/2010 19:51

How could he not know?

pjmama · 04/03/2010 19:53

skidoodle put it better than me!

Buda · 04/03/2010 19:54

YANBU. Surely he should want to see dd?

My dh has cut down hugely on travel since we had ds. Doesxas little as he can get away with.

We understand work committments but to drop in on friends is totally out of order in my view.

thehillsarealive · 04/03/2010 19:55

totally thoughtless - does he do this often or is this a recent thing? the not coming home thing.

Original poster
dilemma456 · 04/03/2010 19:55

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityhat · 04/03/2010 19:57

How long since he's seen those friends?

Does his work away mean he has limited time to see other friends/family too?

LEMisdiscombobulated · 04/03/2010 19:58

OK, he is being a cock, but now isnt the time to be arguing over this - just let it go - enjoy the weekend, then when you are relaxed, talk to him about it and let him know how you feel - it doesn't have to be all spoilt. Can totally understand why you are angry - bad of him.

ChippingIn · 04/03/2010 20:02

YANBU - not at all and he deserved the ear bashing you gave him. However, you need to try to calm down before he does get home or else it will just turn into a row and nothing productive will come of it (God it's so easy to give this advice and so fecking hard to do it - but...).

Talk to him when he gets home or tomorrow and try to get to the bottom of why he's doing this. Is he avoiding coming home, or is he just trying to see friends as well in the short time he is home without say, disrupting the weekend. It might make sense in his (small!!) mind and it might have seemed the best thing to do (even though it patently wasn't!!). Try to listen to him first....

There's no point in spoiling the short time he is at home with an argument if you can talk about this instead TRY

(Honestly - hindsight is so fucking brilliant, if only you could have it first!! )

skidoodle · 04/03/2010 20:20

Bollocks to letting it go.

Sometimes it's important to have the damn row, and one of those times is when a man who has barely seen his family for two weeks buggers off to see friends and leaves his partner and child waiting for him and doesn't give them any notice at all that he can't be fucking arsed to come home and see them.

A four year old child was waiting up to see her Dad FFS and he just didn't bother to show up.

It IS spoilt, because HE spoilt it.

PMSL at talking to him gently about WHY he did it.

First he needs to understand loud and clear why he won't be doing it ever again.

Northernlurker · 04/03/2010 20:27

I would be very cross as well. Dropping in to friends when that's been agreed with you in advance and you understand the context of him needing to see them that night rather than any other -well that's one thing. Just springing it on you when you were waiting for him is totally something else. Poor dd - I agree have the row with dp and make sure he understands you're having a row because you both actually wanted to see him, you're cross because you love him and you want him not to take you for granted. Then let it go and have a lovely weekend.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 04/03/2010 20:33

I would be bloody furious.

Don't let it go - let him get the full blast of your anger. It would be bad of him to let you down, but it is inexcuseable of him to let his DD down in that way.

ChippinIn - that approach may work for you but it would be too 'Dutiful Wife' for me.

Sunshinemummy · 04/03/2010 20:45

I'm in a similar situation with DH working away and both 3.11 year old DS and 18m old DD missing him like mad. I'd be bloody furious. YANBU.

LEMisdiscombobulated · 04/03/2010 20:55

Its not about being the "dutiful wife" its about making a decision about whether to reprieve the weekend, which yes, he has potentially spoilt, or whether to store and talk about it at a more appropriate time. IE - not when a four year old child just wants to see her daddy, how pants will it be for her if her parents are rowing all weekend.

I'm not saying let it go full stop, he is behaving like a cunt, but its not like they have all the time in the world, just the weekend. Saying that, you don't want it to fester either - but big blow out row - the one i would have it i were the OP, because i never follow my own advice i don't, is not the way this time.

domesticslattern · 04/03/2010 21:08

I would be livid. Either he wants his DW and DD or he doesn't. I hope you are shouting at him right now. (Sorry, I am not as even as Lem on this!)

PureAsTheColdDrivenSnow · 04/03/2010 21:12

DP would never do this. I'd tear him a new one if he was this fucking thoughtless.

[grr] on your behalf.

ShadeofViolet · 04/03/2010 21:13

My DH works away in the week and if he did that to me I would be hopping mad!

YANBU

AnyFucker · 04/03/2010 21:15

that is not good

if DD is asleep for the evening anyway tonight, I would be having it out with him

are these "friends" more important than his wife and dc ?

heQet · 04/03/2010 21:26

I don't and never have had any friends that mean more to me than my kids and if I hadn't seen them for days or a week or so, then nobody in this world would get a visit before them!

I always try to see all pov on threads but try as I might, I cannot understand a parent who works away not being desperate to see their child and spouse asap.

thumbwitch · 04/03/2010 21:30

oh man, I'd be STEAMING if DH tried this with me!
DisGUSTing behaviour, YAsoNBU and if it were me, I'd be carrying the row on whenever he did get home!

Id certainly be trying to find out WTF is more important than getting home to see his 4yo, FFS, let alone his partner!

CirrhosisByTheSea · 04/03/2010 22:06

Nope, I couldn't be anything other than spitting feathers about this. The thought of that poor little girl crying herself to sleep because her daddy didn't come, when he was simply yabbering on to friends.

What an arse. You're right to be angry.

Mumcentreplus · 04/03/2010 22:19

He needs to get his priorities right!!..how thoughtless and inconsiderate... on your behalf

ChippingIn · 04/03/2010 23:50

Alibaba - Dutiful Wife - LOL & PMSL I'm anything but (which according to my Mum is why my last relationship broke up (not enough ironing of shirts & dinner making apparently!! nothing to do with him being a twat of course!!! anyway, I digress!)) ... however, with A LOT of hindsight, there is more to be gained by discussing something than with 'tearing him a new one' (etc) (love that phrase ).

Did he know the 4 year old was waiting up? Did he know you were waiting for him?

Which parts of his anatomy are still in tact?