to be assertive with this pushy woman?

[stirringbeast]

Wasn't entirely sure this should go in AIBU, as I'm pretty sure that I'm NBU (always room for disagreement however....)

DS1 has recently started swimming lessons at a private, members only kind of place, but he's allowed to have lessons there if we pay each time. Me and DS2 sit in the cafe, colour in etc while we wait(1 hour). I see this woman there every time who I only know to say hello to, who has a boy in my DS2's nursery class. Her older boy is also having lessons, and she swims with her younger boy at the same time as they are club members. She's friendly but a bit bossy for want of a better word, e.g. telling me we should also join so my "poor" DS2 can also swim. Whatever, I'm not getting into a discussion about that with her.

But last week she said her younger DS was moaning the whole time they were swimming and saying he wanted to get out and go and play with my DS2 in the cafe. Then she said she would just leave him in the cafe with me during the lessons and swim on her own. I stood there not knowing what to say then we were distracted by the kids before I could say anything.

Now I don't know what to say. I'm not looking after her DS so she can swim. I don't mind doing a friend a favour but I don't really even know this woman. I need to say something assertive next time I see her but I can't think of anything that's not either rude or a lie.

Any ideas?

"No"?

No is a complete sentence. You don't have to explain. Just say no.

I'm not being flippant, really "No" should suffice! You don't have to justify yourself to this woman

I would have been stunned into silence too tbh.

Just explain that you don't feel comfortable looking after him. You don't need to justify anything to her, so no long explanation needed. Just a short, simple,

'Sorry, I couldn't possibly look after him, I would not feel comfortable'

You are def nbu, a good old "i Don't think so" should do it

Next time you see her before she has a chance to say much start talking about how much you love having the chance to have one-on-one time with DS2, and how obviously she must feel the same about her younger DC.

Oh eck, tricky one, I know what I'd want to say - something along the lines of 'you don't know me from Adam and you're happy for me to look after your son?'. But praps I'd just say you don't know her or her son well enough to feel comfortable being responsible for him.

Tell her that you are giving ds conversation lessons in Esperanto in the cafe and you are not just colouring in ,and you charge the going rate for other children if she is interested. What is the word for pushy in Esperanto anyone?

LOL StewieGriffinsmum.

We Brits are terrible at NO aren't we? Wish I'd been born Dutch or German or some other no nonsense nationality.

LOL at the CRB check
how about "sorry, I don't really feel comfortable watching somebody else's child..."
TBH if it pees her off it doesn't exactly sound like you'll miss her friendship or anything!!!

law I don't think she'd hear that iyswim.

Just a thought, is childcare also why she was 'telling' (grr!) you to take your younger DS swimming, while she did ('with' hers), do you think? I do!

Dont explain, don't apologise

Just say no

Or, if you are being all English about

"Oh I'm sorry, that's just not possible". Bright smile.

Cheeky cow.

No I think I will have to be direct, she doesn't strike me as getting the subtle approach.

Never thought of that Eco!

I do know she has a lot of "helpers" at her house so I don't think she'd care about not knowing me that well. I don't think she would realise some people can't afford club membership either.

I'd def go down the "I'd rather not, I really enjoy this one-on-one time with ds2". It is so rude for her to ask!

Yes that sounds good.

Love the idea I could actually be teaching DS2 something - it's quite late in the day and I'm just trying to get through to dinner and bedtime without any major wobblies!

Oh god - I had similar with a woman at story/ puppet session in our local library.

We chatted every time we saw each other - one time went for a coffee after.

Then at one session she said 'oh gosh I've got to go to the bank to collect my new card and they close in an hour, would you just mind x for me'

I said, ah no that's fine.

Next time she quite literally deposited her DS on me in the car park, said 'Oh I've got an urgent work meeting, I'll meet you in the cafe after you don't mind do you' then jumped into the car and dove off before I could even collect my thoughts to respond

I then started turning up late just to avoid having her child pushed on me, but saw he was with a different woman and her DD!?

JUST SAY NO

Don't say anything about crb checks or not feeling comfortable as that just sounds silly. Just say no. You owe her nothing. She soounds full of entitlement.

or you could take turns weeks by week whilst the other swims - if she were to reciprocate, would you mind?

DevilWearsPrimark my British non-confrontation instinct tells me to make an excuse like I'm not staying I'm going out or something, but that's not right is it? I can see how you got into that but I want to avoid that kind of situation. But not good at these things!

She's not called 'Jane' is she?? (from another thread about a woman forcing her DD on a MNer... it ended a bit badly IIRC, MrsPushy turned into MrsBolshey)

It might be that comment was a cack-handed (sp?) way of her testing the water so to speak... (did you see what I did there?? arf arf)

You didn't reply, so perhaps she won't raise the subject again... If she does, just say no, I have enough of a handful with my own for now and smile sweetly.

Oh meant to say, don't bring it up as a discussion yourself...