Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to be assertive with this pushy woman?

37 replies

stirringbeast · 04/03/2010 13:06

Wasn't entirely sure this should go in AIBU, as I'm pretty sure that I'm NBU (always room for disagreement however....)

DS1 has recently started swimming lessons at a private, members only kind of place, but he's allowed to have lessons there if we pay each time. Me and DS2 sit in the cafe, colour in etc while we wait(1 hour). I see this woman there every time who I only know to say hello to, who has a boy in my DS2's nursery class. Her older boy is also having lessons, and she swims with her younger boy at the same time as they are club members. She's friendly but a bit bossy for want of a better word, e.g. telling me we should also join so my "poor" DS2 can also swim. Whatever, I'm not getting into a discussion about that with her.

But last week she said her younger DS was moaning the whole time they were swimming and saying he wanted to get out and go and play with my DS2 in the cafe. Then she said she would just leave him in the cafe with me during the lessons and swim on her own. I stood there not knowing what to say then we were distracted by the kids before I could say anything.

Now I don't know what to say. I'm not looking after her DS so she can swim. I don't mind doing a friend a favour but I don't really even know this woman. I need to say something assertive next time I see her but I can't think of anything that's not either rude or a lie.

Any ideas?

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 04/03/2010 18:07

who are these women ????

Where do they get the brass neck from to just leave their kid there.

Bonkers.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 04/03/2010 18:08

in a way, she's made it easier for you. If she had asked you, then you might feel a bit guilty/like you have to justify yourself. But she was out and out rude, so just say NO.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 04/03/2010 18:15

The next time you see her, bring up what she said and excitedly pull out some true crime books and tell her you have lots of interesting things planned then develop a nervous tick. Guaranteed she wont bother you again.

Original poster

stirringbeast · 04/03/2010 18:15

Groundhogs I certainly won't be bringing it up! And if not exactly avoiding her, not making a beeline for her either!

Madamdeathstare maybe I could suggest she pays the membership for my ds2 and takes him swimming in return for me watching her ds?

She's not called Jane but I do know a rather pushy Jane too as it happens.

OP posts:

CarGirl · 04/03/2010 18:18

How about "No I wouldn't be able to look after x in the cafe because it's our special quiet time together where we just chill and chat"

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 04/03/2010 18:23

I'd have said "and how much will you be paying me per hour to be your short notice childminder?"

Original poster

stirringbeast · 04/03/2010 18:26

Thanks CarGirl, will definitely be saying something along those lines when I see her. I might say something about her ds enjoying his time with her in the pool, or maybe a bit too cheeky? I don't think he is with her that much, she has people to bring him/collect from nursery, so he probably likes the time they swim.

OP posts:

GrumpyBlumkin · 04/03/2010 18:33

was about to say the same thing CarGirl, I've NEVER done this even to people I know really well.

overmydeadbody · 04/03/2010 18:58

Just say "no, I don't really like kids"

piscesmoon · 04/03/2010 19:03

I wouldn't explain in any way. Just politely say that- no you are not doing it. If there is any difficulty you could just go onto say that it is your special one to one time with your DC.

SpiritualKnot · 04/03/2010 19:30

I would say "no way!" and laugh loudly as if I thought she was joking and turn away from her.

As long as you say no straight away, the rest of the conversation should take care of itself.

If she persists I'd say "I don't come here to look after other peoples kids, thank you"

If she can be rude enough to ask, you shouldn't feel you have to be polite back I think?

WingedVictory · 08/03/2010 13:56

Definitely special time with own DC!

But be careful about this, as you mentioned "her younger DS was moaning the whole time they were swimming and saying he wanted to get out and go and play with my DS2 in the cafe"

If this interest is reciprocated, she might try to breeze it: "Oh, you don't mind, Harold, do you? Excellent. They can play together."

So to prevent that from happening, make sure you phrase it that it is your special time with DS. If she tries to shove in by getting her DS to do the work for you, say, "Sorry, I want the special time too. The boys can see one another at nursery. Besides, I was planning to do lunch/a snack, and I'm just not up for supervising two little ones eating while you go off swimming."

I hope that's direct enough for her, calm enough for you, stirringbeast, and covers all the variables!

Flip

1 2