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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be realy upset by what happened at DDs school this morn

53 replies

ray81 · 04/03/2010 12:41

Ok so abit of a story here. I stand at the school with 2 other mums, they both have a DD in my DDs yr and class and the DDs play in the morn as we get there early.
Well one of the DDs is rather a drama queen and if any other child says anything she doesnt like then they are being horrible to her, she goes crying to her mother and she will either go to the teacher or the mum about it. it annoys me alittle but shes not my DD so i never say anything.
My DD is realy easy going and if anyone is horrible to her she brushes it off. Right thats the background.

Well Yesterday they were all playing when this girl comes over to her mum saying my DD was horrible to her, so i asked my DD What she said and she said this girl was making faces at her so she just said 'why are you making faces at me?', so i said to this girl 'My DD wasnt being horrid to you she just asked a question' This girl said she wasnt making faces so i said it as a misundestanding and to play nicely. All abit tit for tat realy.
So this morning we get to school and they are playing the girl again runs to her mum crying saying my DD wont let her play, so again i ask what happened, there are 2 snakes drawn on the floor and 3 of them so my DD said that this girl could have one of her own and my DD would share with the other girl, so i tried to explain to the mum and she shouts ' Your DD wouldnt share with my DD' i says back 'My DD was letting you DD have one of her own' she then shouts back 'someone always gets left out and its never your DD, and you told my DD off yesterday' me 'no i didnt tell her off i just said xxx andd my DD does get left out' she then dragged her daughter away as she was crying hesterically. the girls are 8 btw.
Now i am 7 months pg so on the verge of tears sent my DD into school and walked off.

I am just realy upset by this have been crying on and off all morning {prob hormones} but they are kids and will be friends again in 5 mins i just dont see why she had to jump down my throat.
Now my DD does get left out but she just lets it go and doesnt make a fuss and i feel because of this it doesnt get noticed as much but because her daughter does make a drama out of it the other children get in trouble, sometimes for things they havent done.

I know my DD isnt perfect btw and if she is in the wrong i will tell her but wont tell her off when she hasnt done anything.

So am i BU for being so upset and alittle miffed and p*ed off with whats happened.

OP posts:

FabIsDoingPrettyWell · 04/03/2010 12:45

YANBU but don't let it bother you. Some parents can be very childish.

Aduby · 04/03/2010 12:51

YANBU - some parents just have to get involved with their childrens petty arguments when they are best left to sort it out themselves. When parents get involved it simply escalates into some major problem. I know how you feel as have been in similar situations myself, but have developed a slightly thicker skin now my DCs older. Please try and enjoy the rest of your day.

mrsboogie · 04/03/2010 12:52

Lord - they are 8? thought you were going to say they are 5.

Ignore the silly woman. Next time say you don't want to hear about it.

swanandduck · 04/03/2010 12:53

YANBU. The other mother sounds like an idiot. No wonder her child behaves like this if she gets pandered to instead of being told not to be silly.

Angelcake33 · 04/03/2010 12:54

My mum has always said that children can always break up the best of friends so if it was me I would tell the children to sort it out between them and don't get involved in the petty arguements. Rise above it!

SixtyFootDoll · 04/03/2010 12:56

8 yrs Old??!!
YANBU, other Mum needs to butt out and let her daughter sort herself out.
Ignore them both.

Firawla · 04/03/2010 13:01

i think they need to just sort it out yourself, no need the mums getting involved and falling out over such silly little things. so that other mum is BU i think by making a big deal of it with you. dont let it get to you

saslou · 04/03/2010 13:01

YANBU. The mother just sounds like a bigger version of the child! She shouldn't have reacted like that cos she's caused an issue between you that will linger long after the dc have forgotten all about it. It's really hard not to feel bothered by it. If you are like me you will have spent all morning thinking of clever things you could've said to her. She is being childish, so try not to give her any more more of your attention.

BariatricObama · 04/03/2010 13:02

unless there is blood, ignore the whole thing.

Prinpo · 04/03/2010 13:03

Yep, easy to see where the other girl gets it from. YANBU to be upset, I would be too. I'd give a wide berth to the other woman - you sound eminently reasonable and sane and she sounds mad as a box of frogs.

bernadetteoflourdes · 04/03/2010 13:03

YANBU I had this with ds and whilst he has improved (behaviour wise) over the years his friend has turned into a nightmare, probably because his parents could see naught but perfection in junior and it was all the other children who are the probs. The staff got wise to the mum and son tales of indignation and I note that the tables have turned as I hear the teacher regaling her regularly with tales of her ds's misemeanours and his gobby attiude. I have allowed a small smirk at her expense but this is a pet peeve she has zero humility or empathy and it is rubbing off on her ds. Iwould apologize in years gone by and train ds to do the same if he was ever in the wrong, but honestly some parents think their kids are the "untouchables". Wide berth treatment for a few days I would advise

bernadetteoflourdes · 04/03/2010 13:05

Prinpo same choice "wide berth" we must have telepathised

UndomesticHousewife · 04/03/2010 13:06

Don't get there early anymore and stand there with the other mothers (good practice for when you have your baby, no time to getthere early!).
Get to school, and get out again.
Some mothers you can be friends with but usually it's best to keep your distance.
My dd is 8 nearly 9 and I never stand and watch her play and I wouldn't have much patience for the tale telling this other girl is doing.

The only thing you can do is back right off.

5Foot5 · 04/03/2010 13:07

My Mum always used to say, "Never fall out over kids because while you are falling out they are falling in again."

Next time they fall out don't get involved. Sounds like your DD will cope OK with that it's the other little girl who is a bit immature. No wonder if her Mum gets involved like that.

SwarthyWaiter · 04/03/2010 13:08

why do you hang around so much
drop kid and go

Prinpo · 04/03/2010 13:10

Bernadette, deffo to the telepathy (although think my choice of words may be down to having just scoffed some pizza so feeling as though I have a particularly wide berth myself at the moment) .

PfftTheMagicDragon · 04/03/2010 13:11

Clearly the mother has dramatic tendencies.

But you need to stop getting involved in the petty playtime arguments of 8 year old girls. When one comes tattling, you tell them to sort it out themselves. Do not be seen to be standing up for your DD against another child when the dispute is over things like snakes on the playground! (of course I am not saying that you shouldn't ever stand up for her but when you do, you lend gravitas to petty arguments, you weigh in, you get involved.) By asking what happened you are making yourself part of it and this other mother probably feels that she then has to stand up for her daughter in turn.

Original poster

ray81 · 04/03/2010 13:12

I would have to say the mother realy does pander to the child and i think the teacher is just fed up with it now. The mum realy needs to take astep back and realise her dd is not an angel.

Im not going to the school this afternoon my sister is going to pick her up for me so i dont have to see this woman however i am alittle worried about my DD as this child tends to hold a grudge and i realy dont want my DD to get the brunt of it.

Unless my daughter is physicaly hurt i never get involved with arguments and thats probably why she is so easy going about it all. If my DD had said to met yesterday that X was making faces at her i would have told her to not be so silly and go and play. I dont understand why she had to get involved

OP posts:

bernadetteoflourdes · 04/03/2010 13:16

Prinpo I know how you feel mnetting makes me VERY hungry. Op you sound very sorted as does your dd just bide your time and dont stress I have shed a few tears on things like this so i understand, remember "what goes around comes around" xxx

soupdela · 04/03/2010 13:18

Not unreasonable but def hormonal - without the pg you would prob have brushed it off as typical of that particular mum. It's sad to see the damage over-anxious mums do their kids but just let it ride because you don't want to get on the wrong side of someone like that and you really don't need that petty s**t in your head. Have a calm afternoon, take care of yourslf 'cause it'll all be ancient history soon.

Telesales650 · 04/03/2010 13:18

All the other answers are right in saying dont give it another second of your time, its very childish of this mother to get quite so upset with you.
Eight year olds can sort themselves out usually
but perhaps this other girl hasnt the experience because her mother is always butting in,
Take care
x

BalloonSlayer · 04/03/2010 13:22

Poor you. She sounds like a loon. Every school has a mother who thinks her poor little darling is so vulnerable and hard-done-by, and is constantly fighting their battles for them. IME this child is usually the one causing all the problems.

The one at our school is always described as so sweet and sensitive by his Mum, always getting upset and being so fond of his friends. Whenever I see him he is a loud arrogant braggart calling all his so-called friends nasty names and telling them they are useless compared to him.

In your shoes I'd avoid this woman like the plague, and if she starts again ask her to mention it to the teacher because you don't think it's appropriate for your daughter to have to witness some woman shouting at you. Then see the teacher quietly yourself. You'll have nothing to worry about - teacher will have seen her sort a thousand times over.

maximinimum · 04/03/2010 13:28

I had this over a year ago when another mum complained to school about my dd, who had supposedly insulted her dd over her weight! Even if my dd did this (she denies it) to go to the school to complain was just completely OTT!

I tried to do as suggested on this thread, ie just carry on as normal, brush it off, but unfortunately this mum refused to let it drop and ignored me for many months afterwards, insisting that dd apologise for something she said she did not do. It left a bad feeling which affected dd quite badly and the school encouraged the two girls to stay apart to avoid any more complaints from the mum.

I would say to avoid upset for your dd, just try to forget it, behave normally, don't avoid the mum or give her the cold shoulder, as in the end in my experience it has made things worse. Difficult to overcome your feelings, though, as I have been there!

Original poster

ray81 · 04/03/2010 13:32

The only reason i asked what happened is because i dont want my dd being horrid to other children and if she had been i would have told her off and to include the other girl and also because this morning the mother went marching over to my DD saying 'can you let X play' as if my DD had done something wrong rather then just telling her dd to get over it she is rather forboding woman and i wont let my dd be blamed for somthing she hasnt done.

i think ill just stay away in future tbh i realy dont need the hassel.

OP posts:

junglist1 · 04/03/2010 14:01

Stay away from them, and tell your child to play elsewhere. If you get any more bother just tell the mum you can't be arsed with a whining brat child and she needs to sort her daughter out before secondary looms, or she'll be eaten for breakfast and it'll be the mums fault.

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