To be realy upset by what happened at DDs school this morn

[ray81]

Ok so abit of a story here. I stand at the school with 2 other mums, they both have a DD in my DDs yr and class and the DDs play in the morn as we get there early.
Well one of the DDs is rather a drama queen and if any other child says anything she doesnt like then they are being horrible to her, she goes crying to her mother and she will either go to the teacher or the mum about it. it annoys me alittle but shes not my DD so i never say anything.
My DD is realy easy going and if anyone is horrible to her she brushes it off. Right thats the background.

Well Yesterday they were all playing when this girl comes over to her mum saying my DD was horrible to her, so i asked my DD What she said and she said this girl was making faces at her so she just said 'why are you making faces at me?', so i said to this girl 'My DD wasnt being horrid to you she just asked a question' This girl said she wasnt making faces so i said it as a misundestanding and to play nicely. All abit tit for tat realy.
So this morning we get to school and they are playing the girl again runs to her mum crying saying my DD wont let her play, so again i ask what happened, there are 2 snakes drawn on the floor and 3 of them so my DD said that this girl could have one of her own and my DD would share with the other girl, so i tried to explain to the mum and she shouts ' Your DD wouldnt share with my DD' i says back 'My DD was letting you DD have one of her own' she then shouts back 'someone always gets left out and its never your DD, and you told my DD off yesterday' me 'no i didnt tell her off i just said xxx andd my DD does get left out' she then dragged her daughter away as she was crying hesterically. the girls are 8 btw.
Now i am 7 months pg so on the verge of tears sent my DD into school and walked off.

I am just realy upset by this have been crying on and off all morning {prob hormones} but they are kids and will be friends again in 5 mins i just dont see why she had to jump down my throat.
Now my DD does get left out but she just lets it go and doesnt make a fuss and i feel because of this it doesnt get noticed as much but because her daughter does make a drama out of it the other children get in trouble, sometimes for things they havent done.

I know my DD isnt perfect btw and if she is in the wrong i will tell her but wont tell her off when she hasnt done anything.

So am i BU for being so upset and alittle miffed and p*ed off with whats happened.

Well i think that other mum needs to get out more and should be ashamed of herself being mean to heavily pregnant you - perhaps she is jealous and wants another bubby herself but is put off as her DD is so vile...

8?! Gosh I have a 3 year old and tbh if him and his friends squabble amongst themselves I just tell them to sort theemselves out.

I'm waiting for this! My dd (6) has a friend who is like this. Her mother is never away from the school, as ALL her children are always being picked on/ bullied/ upset by another child/ upset by the teacher. I'm not ecstatic about this friendship, as I feel it will only be a matter of time before she is at MY door about some petty squabble (despite the fact that MY dd has come home crying on several occasions because this same "friend" has been leaving her out/ saying stuff, and I refuse to wade in)

YANBU- I think there are just some mums like this, who can't see past their own little darlings and can't stand back and let the poor kids fight their own petty battles. If possible I would avoid, but I understand- you can't tell your children who to be friends with, unfortunately!!

Thanks for the chocolate idea i will def do this baby needs some to cheer her up.

Just a quick update. I spoke to my DD when she got home from school and said i think its best if we go later in the morning so she doesnt have to see this girl. A few things have come out about her being nasty to my DD and then turning it around to make my DD out to be the nasty one and she does this in school too. Also this morn she wouldnt let my DD join in before it all kicked off so my DD went off on her own and then the other of the 2 girls went to play with my DD, thats when this girl kicked up a fuss re being left out.
I actually think this girl is being rather manipulative, however my poor dd thinks its her fault and that this girl doesnt like her thats why she keeps doing this to her, i actually wanted to cry and am tempted to give the woman a taste of her own medicine by telling her that her DD is horrid to mine all the time and just because she doesnt kick up a fuss doesnt mean it doesnt upset her.But i wont as i dont want DD to think i will fight her battles for her so will just leave it.

The thing id it is going to be ackward at dropping off and picking up times. I want tosay something about no longer standing with them and why, not in a horrible way just matter of fact but not sure what to say. Any Ideas? I have her mobile number so could text her?

I wouldn't text her. What might happen is she'll start with the funny looks and then you can just tell her straight. She doesn't sound like the type who'll leave it really

has the other mum said what she thinks?

There's a boy in DS2s class, and his mum who is just like this. I've seen him in action several times - goes crying to his mum, who believes him and blames the other child.

I cringe a bit when I see DS2 playing with him in the morning in case something happens, and don't encourage the friendship. Sadly, a parent who encourages this sort of behaviour is going to end up with an unpopular child.

Yes, I'd mention to the teacher as well. My friend did this because she was concerned about the boy I mentioned above, and had witnessed him telling lies to his mum about her DS.

I'd keep my distance from the mum, as MadamDeathstare says.

My dd was badly bullied by a girl just like the one you describe. She would also twist things in school and try to turn the blame round on my dd. Thankfully my dd has made a shed load of new friends since going up to High School and has managed to break the "friendship".

YANBU, its clear where this girl gets her drama queen issues from! I feel so sorry for you, but try not to get involved in your kids squabbles.

I was dragged into my daughters falling out with her friend, and didnt talk to the other girls mum for a year whereas the girls made up after a couple of weeks.

let them sort it out themselves.

never get involved in questioning your own child because of another child telling tales.

ignore.

probably ignore other mum too.

I would speak to the teacher but not to the other mother - what a nightmare!

Just reassure your daughter the reason why the other girls would rather play with her is because she is easy going and doesn't make a fuss and that the other girls get fed up with x being mean and trying to tell the others what to do all the time.

The mother of the other girl who wasnt involved today has had this herself but has just brushed it off.
This morning the other girl came running over asking what was happening and the mother told her to keep out of it which was probably the best thing to do, she knows very well what X is like. I kinda felt like this made it clear that my DD hadnt done anything wrong otherwise the other girl would have noticed surely. Im sure she would have been questioned after school though about what happened.

I hate this coz its realy playing on my mind and i dont want to go to school in the morning.

Keep your distance from her and encourage your DD to do the same with the daughter too.

Have had this situation with my DS1 and a friend of his plus his parents. The kids fall out, the parents complain to us about our child's behaviour, we reprimand DS1 even though its 6 of 1 and half a dozen of the other, kids back to normal, we try to maintain good relationship with parents and then it all kicks off again! Been going on for years and has been completely exhausting! Now the boys have gone to secondary school, it kicked off big time, got out of all proportion and no one is friends anymore - parents or kids - and it's a lot less stressful all round. We don't speak or acknowledge each other and all know exactly where we stand!

I feel for you because I've been where you are and stressing about drop offs / pick-ups is not nice but find someone nice to stand with instead.

Isn't this described as helicopter parenting, fighting their battles for them? This mother is the cause of her dd's attention-seeking behaviour.

I would just shrug and say, "At 8yrs old they're old enough to sort it out themselves. It does them no favours to be charging in all the time." And then change the subject. Your position is pretty unambiguous then

Ray81 Don't let this stupid woman upset you!Easier said than done I know

I wouldn't stop going to school a bit earlier as it's nice for your daughter to have some time with the other little girl before school starts. I would stand somewhere different, the other 'nice' Mum can choose to stand with you, the witch or by herself. If the little Monster goes to Mummy crying/complaining etc just ignore her. If the Mother says anything just say 'Sorry, I'm not getting involved, the girls can sort it out themselves'. Tell your daughter that she is to come and tell you if she gets upset etc but if it's just the other little girl whinging, to ignore her & that she doesn't need to come & explain, just keep playing with the 'nice' other little girl. The girls will sort themselves out.

Agree with getting there later just in time for your daughter to go in to school.

Then anything that happens is within school and it is for the teachers to deal with.

End of problem for you.

Do avoid any temptations to get drawn into texting, or worrying about this, it really makes you no better than the 8 year olds and how will they learn to behave better if their mothers are all at it?!

i totally disagree with you ChippingIn - there is absolutely no need for the girls to have time together before school starts, they've got the whole day!

I don't get this 'standing with' stuff

Just drop off!

Stay out of it. Try to give your DD strategies for dealing with it, but do not get involved. I agree with getting there later to avoid the hassle, but it is important that DD doesn't feel that it is because she has done something wrong.

Cirrhosis - I think it's nice they have time to talk/play before the day starts, presumably the OP does too, or has other reasons she is there earlier else she would have adjusted her arrival time before this became a problem. Why should she change her routine? When the girls are in class, at 8, they are supposed to be working not playing - I think it's good for them to have some 'chatting' time before hand!! (However, each to their own & all that!!).

ChippingIn is right about it being good for the children to have a play together before school - it enables them to run off a bit of energy and have a bit of fun and fresh air before settling down to school work.

I'd stand with the other nice mum, and stay away from the difficult mum - but do it politely so she can have no reason to complain. Take the higher ground and be the better person - what she does will be up to her, but you will know you've done the right thing.

And don't let it worry you - though I know that is easier to say than to do.