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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to always give PIL our car....

44 replies

grovebuster · 03/03/2010 10:49

I saw something about this on an earlier thread this week, and wondered what you all thought?
Our PIL have two cars between them - a saloon and a people carrier - both good runners, nothing wrong with them. They also have two sons still at home - they also have a car each - again, both lovely cars and new.
DH doesn't live at home anymore (obviously!) he lives with me and DD. We got a new car in April last year, and since then, whenever they go to visit family in Yorkshire or travel anywhere further afield, or go to weddings etc, they ask DH for our car. They do lend us one of theirs to tide us over for the weekend, but I am getting sick of it. Why should we have to put up with the wear and tear and the mileage they put on the car?! They took it several times while I was pregnant (very unreasonable). Once, we left it at PILs house for mechanics to pick up, the repairs seemed to take ages, only to find out he had dropped it back at PILs and they had been using it to go out shopping/tow caravan etc.
Now this is our only car. I don't drive myself, but we pay equally for all bills on it. It's a Vauxhall Signum (in case you think we drive something ultra posh!!). AIBU?!

OP posts:
TootaLaFruit · 03/03/2010 10:51

I don't understand why they are borrowing your car if they have 2 of their own + their two sons' cars??

Poledra · 03/03/2010 10:52

Nope - they have their own cars, they are significantly increasing the depreciation on yours by increasing its mileage. If they don't like driving long distances in their cars well then, change to one that does suit. When my PsIL come to stay, FIL takes my car and I take his, but only because he needs my people carrier to fit all the DCs in!

Original poster
grovebuster · 03/03/2010 10:55

No I don't understand either! I haven't hidden any info - they literally just want to use ours, possibly because it's newer/smarter/more comfortable....I feel like saying, and? Buy your own!

OP posts:
mazzystartled · 03/03/2010 10:55

Why do they borrow it?
(I mean what is their excuse?)
And why does your DH agree?
If they really like your car maybe you could organise to swap or part exchange with them!

Original poster
grovebuster · 03/03/2010 10:56

mazzystartled - I like our car too though! DH agrees because apparently that's what families do - but they literally don't give an excuse they just say to DH 'are we ok to take your car this weekend?' He can't say no to his parents and they know it.

OP posts:
flowerybeanbag · 03/03/2010 11:04

Can't he say in an innocent passive aggressive manner - 'Are both your cars in the garage this weekend then? That is bad timing. I think we are planning to go out unfortunately.'

Original poster
grovebuster · 03/03/2010 11:06

Trouble is DH doesn't care - if I mention it/bring it up, we have a blazing row about it. He doesn't think they are BU in asking, but I do!! But because I don't actually drive it, I feel I don't have a leg to stand on in the argument, even though it's how we get around as a family at the weekend, and as I say, we pay equally towards it.

OP posts:
mazzystartled · 03/03/2010 11:07

I didn't mean it, really, but maybe you should propose it.

They have a cheek, and your DH needs to learn to say no or make a plausible excuse.

PortiaCabin · 03/03/2010 11:19

Either he has to be assertive and say no, the best thing, or do passive agressive things like disconnecting battery terminal leads so it won't start when they come to collect it (if they don't know anything about cars) or decomposing prawns under the seat to make it smell.

Original poster
grovebuster · 03/03/2010 11:21

portiacabin I've been so tempted to do the decomposing prawn trick!

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 03/03/2010 11:24

Think it's a bit off of them to take your big car to tow caravans whislt you are driving round their (presumably older and less comfortable) car.

I can understand why you are annoyed by it.

God knows how you would practically stop it if your DH just lets you parents carry on. However if it is half your car you do have a say in it. Be prepared for a lovely family row though.

jumpingjackhash · 03/03/2010 11:24

Do you ever use their cars in return?

ScreaminEagle · 03/03/2010 11:24

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BusyMissIzzy · 03/03/2010 11:25

YANBU. If they want to use a shiny new car they can bloody well buy their own, surely??

SpicedGerkin · 03/03/2010 11:25

If you pay towards it you have a say.

Every time they use yours for a long trip instead of theirs, it's costing you money.

Your car is worth less and their cars hold their value better, i think though your problem is your DH.

Does he often let them walk all over him?

Original poster
grovebuster · 03/03/2010 11:27

jumpingjackhash we only have their car as an exchange - i.e. otherwise we'd be left without a car! Never as a favour or anything though, no.

ScreaminEagle no license! I'd be a danger on the roads!

FIL did offer to buy it - we got a loan out for it, so he merely offered to pay the loan amount off each month!! Er that would leave us without a car or the ability to get credit to get another!

OP posts:
Original poster
grovebuster · 03/03/2010 11:29

SpicedGerkin Yes. In a word! But it's specifically this car thing that's winding me up! We have the car seat fitted etc, just makes the whole thing a pain in the butt. FIL does clean it afterwards, but whoop dee doo. If we wanted it cleaned we'd take it to the car wash!

My family did use the car ONCE out of absolute necessity. And this was because I was going with them, AND they paid the price they'd pay a rental company to hire a car! I think I will suggest that his family do this if they want it!

OP posts:
2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 03/03/2010 11:30

Your dh is actually subsidising his parents, to the cost of YOUR own pockets.

One day when he will sell the car, or do a part exchange for a new car, he will get less for your car, due to high mileage and depreciation, whereas his parents, will not have this problem on their cars.

Your pils should be ashamed of themselves, blatantly using their own son in this manner.

jumpingjackhash · 03/03/2010 11:30

I'd call them and say you're planning on taking a trip to X and would like to use their car... see what happens

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 03/03/2010 11:32

Also, you could ring them and say:

"I am going to get my driving license, and would like to use your car for learning, as it is older, we are coming by tomorrow".

diddl · 03/03/2010 11:37

Next time your husband can suggest that they hire, or sell their two vehicles& get one decent one.

saslou · 03/03/2010 11:38

They are really taking the piss. If you don't want them to borrow your car then your dh should respect your wishes and say no to his parents. It's not as if they need to borrow your car, they just don't want to use their own. I think I would say no and take whatever rows come. I don't think it matters that you don't drive the car. I don't drive my car either , but it's still mine and I would resent lending it to my PIL if they had their own car to use. Bloody cheek!

saslou · 03/03/2010 11:41

just a thought - are they insured to drive your car?

ScreaminEagle · 03/03/2010 11:45

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Message withdrawn

SpicedGerkin · 03/03/2010 11:48

here