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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to always give PIL our car....

44 replies

grovebuster · 03/03/2010 10:49

I saw something about this on an earlier thread this week, and wondered what you all thought?
Our PIL have two cars between them - a saloon and a people carrier - both good runners, nothing wrong with them. They also have two sons still at home - they also have a car each - again, both lovely cars and new.
DH doesn't live at home anymore (obviously!) he lives with me and DD. We got a new car in April last year, and since then, whenever they go to visit family in Yorkshire or travel anywhere further afield, or go to weddings etc, they ask DH for our car. They do lend us one of theirs to tide us over for the weekend, but I am getting sick of it. Why should we have to put up with the wear and tear and the mileage they put on the car?! They took it several times while I was pregnant (very unreasonable). Once, we left it at PILs house for mechanics to pick up, the repairs seemed to take ages, only to find out he had dropped it back at PILs and they had been using it to go out shopping/tow caravan etc.
Now this is our only car. I don't drive myself, but we pay equally for all bills on it. It's a Vauxhall Signum (in case you think we drive something ultra posh!!). AIBU?!

OP posts:

dreamingofsun · 03/03/2010 11:49

what happens about the insurance? my brother asked to borrow our car once and whilst he was covered for 3rd party by his insurance i asked how he would cover the 6k or so if the car was written off as nock for nock. This put him off and he didn't bother. i think they have a cheek and its not what families that i know do.

Sidge · 03/03/2010 11:49

Are they named as additional drivers on your insurance policy? If not they can only drive yours if their policy(ies) stipulate that they are covered to do so, and then only 3rd party fire and theft so if they have an accident in your car you would have to pay to repair your own car. Unless they are willing to do so.

I would say that they can't drive your car any more as they aren't fully insured to do so and you'd rather not take the risk.

(Unless you have the plums next time they ask to say in a slightly hysterical manner "Why?? Why do you need our car when you've got 2 yourselves?? Ours doesn't possess magical powers you know!")

Original poster

grovebuster · 03/03/2010 14:32

Haha all of the above advice very good. FIL asked to be put on the policy when DH bought the car - and he was. In fact don't think he paid to do so, wasn't expensive but still.....

I am planning on learning to drive this year - must make the effort! But even so, the car loan goes onto the household bills, and they're divided 50-50. I stumped up half of the deposit also.

My real struggle is that DH doesn't care. He thinks that they have helped him out when he was younger -(isn't that what parents do? It wasn't for a car or financially, just fed him when he was tight for money in his early 20s - and not HIM not US as a family) so he now feels that he should help them where he can. ANd as someone pointed out it's not like it's a necessity - i.e they can't get somewhere without our car, they have plenty at our disposal.

I'm now preparing myself for WW3 when DH gets home. But it winds me up so much, it's worth it!

(BTW as a background to PILs they really are out for what they can get with EVERYONE and I'm not just saying that to be uncharitable.)

OP posts:

GetOrfMoiLand · 03/03/2010 14:44

Is one of your PIL's car smaller than yours?

If so I would ring them and ask that you borrow their car to learn in as is smaller/easier to manouevre/insert excuse here.

And trill to them that it needn't be an inconvenience to them, because you can go out for lessons in their car when they are borrowing yours.

Am sure they will stop borrowing your car then.

btw adding an extra driver does cost more even if they are a safe bet. DP used to have his brother on his policy (they work together), and when he took him off it saved £90 a year. And his brother has been driving 20 years, no convictions etc.

Size0HereICome · 03/03/2010 16:26

They are taking the piss. Your dh needs to grow a pair.

TottWriter · 03/03/2010 17:04

My DP walked past when I was reading this, and his reaction was simply 'What the f*!?'

They are completely out of line, so good for you in standing up to your doormatty DP. Honestly, how on earth does he think this is a reasonable thing to do? I'm frankly gobsmacked at their cheek. How did this get to be the norm?

heQet · 03/03/2010 17:08

I hope they aren't knackering your engine by towing! My parents have wrecked their engine by towing their trailer - even though it was (just) under the maximum towing weight.

All that wear and tear on your poor car! The extra mileage. Servicing costs. depriciation. - When you come to sell your car and can only get a couple of coat buttons and a cadbury's boost for it will your husband realise that all those extra miles did that?

They are taking the piss.

heQet · 03/03/2010 17:10

oh, meant to add - you should say to your husband that he may not mind but you do and lending out the family car should be something you are both happy with. He should care more about how you feel, tbh.

DecorHate · 03/03/2010 17:18

All I can say is, people are strange. Never ceases to amaze me what happens within families! I am a huge fan of not living near extended family - saves all these annoyances!

MaMight · 03/03/2010 17:29

Is it a diesel while theirs are petrol? Are they wanting to save fuel money on long trips? Also diesel would be better for pulling a caravan.

Bloody off of them whatever their logic.

heQet · 03/03/2010 17:33

swap your car for something like a 1.2 and then you can't lend it to them because it won't tow and little engines wear out faster so you can't afford for it to do any long distances for other people

Original poster

grovebuster · 04/03/2010 08:28

Yes ours is diesel!
I'm just glad that no one else thinks I'm unreasonable - was starting to get swayed by DHs 'family and all that' answer! THing is I'd be just as annoyed if it was my parents asking!
Anyway argument discussion was had last night. They shall no longer be using our car - however I thought at one point I also may no longer have a DH!!

OP posts:

thisisnotwhoyouthink · 04/03/2010 08:34

good work you!! well done for taking a stand

verytellytubby · 04/03/2010 10:35

Very bizarre. Families are odd!

2rebecca · 04/03/2010 10:44

This would annoy me, but it would be my husband I'd be angry with. I'd tell him you don't want the wear on your car and ask him to suggest his parents buy a car like yours.
I'd also learn to drive though. He should be siding with you not his parents.
I think borrowing a family members car if yours has broken down or isn't big enough is one thing, borrowing it because it's newer and more comfortable is another as is using it as a tow vehicle. They sound very selfish.
Glad husband is putting you first.

Jackstini · 04/03/2010 11:08

Print this out and show him how many people think it's wrong!
Grovebuster's DH - stand up to your parents please!

hormonalmum · 04/03/2010 12:21

Glad you got this sorted. My db put me on his insurance when I was stuck without a car.
If I used his car for anything other than taking the kids to school/ preschool, I would ring and ask him if I could borrow it and put some diesel in it.

His car is automatic with all the bells and whistles and makes mine feel like a wheelbarrow!! However, no way would I just ask to borrow it without a valid reason even though it is lovely to drive and is very nice. It is not my car!!!

UndomesticHousewife · 04/03/2010 12:26

If it were me, I'd have it out with dh and have a huge row with him! Why is he ignoring how you feel and doing what he wants?
Tell him to sort it out or you'll stop paying for the car, get him to ask his parents to pay your share.

UndomesticHousewife · 04/03/2010 12:29

sorry, didn't see your post, glad you got it sorted.

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