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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset my dd and I are bridemaides but she does not want her for the rest of the day

72 replies

sugarandsweetness · 02/03/2010 20:26

Really upset and torn, DD and I have been asked by friend who I have known for 4 months to be bridemaids,me and dp and ds and dd ask to the whole day now my friend has said after the church no children, becuase of cost etc, which I understand.
However Im really upset as I feel my daughter is their to do her part and then Its like see you later.
Aibu to say I would rather she was not bridemaid aibu.
Im still happy to be her Bridesmaid but I have to take myself to 3 venues within the day, arggh I feel let down am I being unresonable.

OP posts:

fishingboat · 03/03/2010 12:51

Don't wait a few days do it today. then forget about it

HerBeatitude · 03/03/2010 12:57

I've just had a business idea: those of us with daughters under 10 can rent them out to bridezillas to be bridesmaids for the ceremony and then piss off for the rest of the day. What would be a reasonable rate?

PeedOffWithNits · 03/03/2010 12:57

PMSL is this for real - someone you hardly know wants you to be bridesmaid cos you are the right height and hair colour??

and wants you to do some of the catering but you cannot bring your DD?

dye your hair and get it cut!! LOL

hilarious!!!

HerBeatitude · 03/03/2010 12:57

PeedOffWithNits · 03/03/2010 13:00

oh and erm, welcome to mumsnet, sugarandsweetness

you certainly got your first post noticed

GeneHuntsMistress · 03/03/2010 13:06

have not read whole thread yet (after first page decided a cup of tea and bar of choc would enhance the whole experience) but can i just say right now that BariatricObama deserves quote of the millenium (not to mention superb nme) for this:

BariatricObama Tue 02-Mar-10 21:22:41
" sometimes mn is like a magic door to a parallel universe "

, nay,

StealthPolarBear · 03/03/2010 13:08

getting oin this interesting thread

StewieGriffinsMom · 03/03/2010 13:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PeedOffWithNits · 03/03/2010 13:15

SGM you need to feed your cats tinsel or put them in the washing machine by mistake to have a fun thread to share

(JOKING)

GeneHuntsMistress · 03/03/2010 13:18

ok scoffed the choc yum yum.

Now then sugar darling you have to say no and remove yourself and your family from this woman. She is not a friend. You have known her for 4 months and she is behaving APPALLINGLY - sometimes you can and should make allowances and excuses for very dear very old friends in certain sitations when they behave twattishly. This, however, is not on of those incidences. This woman goes beyond the bounds of even Bridezilleness. She is a total selfish crazed loon and will give you nothing but grief EVER. Just get out now while you can and dont look back.

As to HOW to do it, just tell it like it is. No need to be rude (although she is beyond rude), just say the truth, that it is all too much and is no longer possible for you attend. Then run, very very fast.

P.S. Please please please - if you Do decide to attend, please comee back ad tell us all about it with pics if poss. I imagine this wedding will be one of which Jeremy Vile himself would be proud

StewieGriffinsMom · 03/03/2010 13:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

brimfull · 03/03/2010 13:21

Shell be divorced in a yr so it's not worth it anywya

girlywhirly · 03/03/2010 13:43

YANBU. If you are still prepared to do the catering, even if not going to the wedding, get the money up front, because I can see that you will be landed with doing all the shopping as well as cooking, storage and transport of this food, you should be paid for all those things as well as the actual food costs. I don't believe for a minute that doing all this is instead of a wedding present. You will end up seriously out of pocket.

I think someone has got to make this bride see sense, and regardless of whether she has bought you a dress or not, I wouldn't be putting myself out for such a user. She is getting married in a church, yet her behaviour is certainly not that of a good christian, selfish, proud, greedy, etc. If she goes mad with you, what exactly will you lose? It seems she will have much more to lose, especially when word gets around of her behaviour. Your dd is too young to understand what being a bridesmaid is anyway, so she won't be disappointed.

giveitago · 03/03/2010 13:52

Nah - don't do it. OK I've just been invited to the wedding of a dear dear old uni friend. I love her - I'm so chuffed as she deserves her happiness - but she lives other end of country and it's a no kid do re. costs. I've sent her my heartfelt wishes and will cobble together a lovely present - and she isn't offended that I cannot come as I have no babysitter.

Easy.

Your story reminds me when friend asked me to be bridesmaid - it was because I looked like the other bridesmaid so bridesmaids looked matched. Not so great. Took me a while to realise though and I enjoyed the free bar!!!!!!!!

KimiGaveUpStarbucks4Lent · 03/03/2010 14:02

Will your bridesmaids dress clash with the word MUG you clearly have stamped on to your head?

girlywhirly · 03/03/2010 14:04

If the bride carries on alienating and angering all her guests, she will only have to fork out for a pack of sausage rolls at home!

thumbwitch · 03/03/2010 14:24

I'm going with the "my DD can't do it sorry" and then getting a crewcut and dying it green.

If this is for real, it is a loon situation. What are you supposed to do with your DD after the ceremony?

One of my friends doesn't really like DC, never wants any, didn't want any at her wedding (luckily for us DS wasn't born then) but her goddaughter was a bridesmaid aged 6 and she was allowed to stay for the rest of the wedding!

Original poster

sugarandsweetness · 04/03/2010 12:54

Arggh I try to tell her and she has said I will accomadate you and family whatever it takes, I told her dd could not be bridemaid she did not listen, im telling her again today and the harsh truth.

I have not been asked to do all the food just to bring something for the evening, which Im not sure I will have time to cook from scratch.

My dd can come to the day but needs to sit on my lap for the dinner as no room this is a no go for me as I will have my bridemaid dress on and a 2 year old on my lap.

OP posts:

TottWriter · 04/03/2010 13:15

Yeah, that's ridiculous. I mean, talk about stingy to get the guests to bring food. I don't disagree with the principle of having money so she can have a nice day, and therefore having everyone there who she wants to be there, but if you've only known her 4 months and you're a bridesmaid, I'm guessing she's just being really cheap. And a cretin too - does she expect you do be running around dropping this food off and then getting back for the ceremony or something?

I completely agree that having your DD there is just her ego boost for the photos, but even her attempt to 'accomodate' her is a pile of trash. My DS sat on my lap when I was a bridesmaid for my best friend, but he was only 2 months old. A lot different. A child of 2 years needs a seat and a meal.

Good luck telling her again, mind, she sounds like a real nightmare. Probably wouldn't recognise decent behaviour if it came and did a jig on her lap.

Mongolia · 06/03/2010 18:58

If she doesn't want to hear about it, send her a text, and add at the end: "I expect you will understand our decission and not insist. We wish you have a happy day"

End of.

houseworkhater · 06/03/2010 22:30

Why not phone the producers of Jeremy Kyle and ask them to secterly turn up at the wedding filming.
As you will be in on the act, you can shout "surprise" when she enters the church and the film crew are there.
Then, presumming the bride will be too embarrassed to argue in front of a camera, take your dd to the reception and party on.

StealthPolarBear · 07/03/2010 18:41

"My dd can come to the day but needs to sit on my lap for the dinner as no room "
If there isn't enough room for one two year old 'extra' then you'll have your elbows in so you don't bump into the person sat next to you anyway. Sounds hideous.

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