Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to still be a little bit annoyed with my friend?

31 replies

SkipHopJump · 02/03/2010 14:11

This really is a very pointless story but I shall tell it anyway

Had to get the train back to my parents' home this weekend as my mother is very ill. It was a last minute thing so I didn't book a seat on the train.

I hadn't slept all night due to horrendous period pains so I was in a terrible mood!

Got the train with my best friend and her boyfriend. There were only two seats in the carriage so they both sat down and left me to stand by the door on my own.

I know this sounds very petty but I'm still slightly pissed off that a) he didn't offer me the seat straight away and b)she didn't tell him to stand up and give it to me as she knew I felt so ill.

My DP says it doesn't matter and although it's annoying I should still be peeved about it.

Am I allowed to be pissed off for a few more days?

OP posts:
Original poster
SkipHopJump · 02/03/2010 14:12

Shouldn't* be peeved

OP posts:
Joolyjoolyjoo · 02/03/2010 14:17

I think you are allowed to still be "miffed", or even possibly "disgruntled", but I think the pissed-offedness should be retreating by now

Of course he should have offered you a seat, and she should have either asked him to or offered herself, but it's probably not worth making a big deal about (although moaning on here is fine!)

next time you get on a train with her and her bf, make sure you shout "Look- there's !" then throw yourself into a seat and immediately pretend to be asleep.

Original poster
SkipHopJump · 02/03/2010 14:22

Ha, I should definitely only be feeling mildly disgruntled by now.
It's time to let it go breathes in and out slowly

OP posts:
hobbgoblin · 02/03/2010 14:36

she shudda offered her seat - she's your friend and she knows what period pains feel like

swanandduck · 02/03/2010 14:39

To be honest, if I was your friend I would be looking at my boyfriend with new eyes. He doesn't sound like the nicest, politest of guys.

pranma · 02/03/2010 14:43

He was very rude YANBU.I'd be still angry and I think you should tell your friend.

MadamDeathstare · 02/03/2010 15:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
SkipHopJump · 02/03/2010 17:47

I don't know madamdeathstare- I thought it was good manners for a man to offer a woman a seat.
I just know my DP would have pointed out two seats to a friend and I, and would have sorted our luggage out too.

It porbably is silly in this day and age to expect a seat and if I had wanted it so badly I should have asked- but it was just so weird!!

OP posts:
paisleyleaf · 02/03/2010 17:50

Can you imagine the outrage if men started offering their seats to women who look like they might have PMT?

Had they booked their seats in advance?

IWishIWasAFrog · 02/03/2010 17:52

what swanandduck said.

hope your mum is ok.

Morloth · 02/03/2010 17:53

I don't think you can expect a man to stand for a woman automatically anymore. If you were feeling unwell, you should have asked one of them.

I won't be teaching my DS to stand just because the other person's reproductive organs are on the inside. Anymore than I will be telling any future daughters that they can't do something for the same reason.

Being a woman is not a disability.

MrsC2010 · 02/03/2010 18:07

Regardless of how 'old fashioned' it is, my DH would have let you sit in this circumstance. If you had have been a stranger it might not have crossed his mind unless you were pregnant or elderly, disabled etc but as you were a member of the travelling party it is very different. Especially if it was your best friend, I suspect if it had have been us he'd have been glad to keep out of the way of chat etc!

MrsC2010 · 02/03/2010 18:08

Oh, and I would have probably given him a nudge and asked if he minded if you sat for a bit if he hadn't thought of it (but he would have), unless he was unwell or had a bad knee or whathaveyou. In this circumstance I would probably have given you my seat!

Original poster
SkipHopJump · 02/03/2010 18:09

No they hadn't prebooked.

It's not like he was just some man- we were all going home together, we all decided at the same time. I wouldn't presume any man should give me a seat- but when someone knows you're sad/exhausted/ill it's strange not to!

Obviously I don't think just any man should give a woman a seat, that's not what I have said at all. But a man I know, who knows I feel bad- it's just good manners. I think

OP posts:
JeremyVile · 02/03/2010 18:12

Old fashioned maybe, but most - probably all - of my male freinds/family would have stood without a second thought.

Fwiw I think they were both rude, either of them could have let you sit knowing you were tired and no doubt stressed about your mum.

paisleyleaf · 02/03/2010 18:18

Ah, I didn't know he knew you'd been up all night with period pains.

JeremyVile · 02/03/2010 18:19

Oh I'll be teaching ds to offer his seat to women.

He'll be a catch

shouldbeironing · 02/03/2010 18:25

YANBU at all. Regardless of how you were feeling I would have thought it rude of both of them to just sit down and ignore you if you were travelling together. Even if you were all feeling well I would have expected perhaps some sort of offer to swap around part way through the journey. (I am assuming the journey was fairly lengthy - obviously if only half an hour or so then it is not so bad).

If they knew you were sad/feeling unwell, then even more rude and to be honest not much of a friend at all and boyfriend not very considerate (though I would expect the friend to show the lead and either encourage him to stand for a while or offer to stand herself).

Morloth · 02/03/2010 18:32

Shrug, I don't want DS to be a "catch". I want him to view and treat women as his equal in all things. Have no time for being treated differently because I am female.

If they both knew you are unwell then one of them should have stood for you, I just don't buy that it should automatically be the man who does so.

Original poster
SkipHopJump · 02/03/2010 18:36

Yes Morloth, my friend should have stood perhaps. But then I would have felt ridiculous making her stand while I could sit with her boyfriend.
I went to an all girls' school where we were taught to expect equality in every way- but also that men should hold open the door, walk on the side of the traffic, and give up his seat on the bus. So maybe my view is somewhat impaired by this confused education!

OP posts:
MrsC2010 · 02/03/2010 18:42

Haha SkipHop, your education sounds much like mine! I've never been able to get my head around the disparities in my own beliefs/values.

Lindy · 02/03/2010 18:43

I teach my DS to stand up if any adult is standing on public transport; once I almost got in a row as the person he stood up for kept saying 'no, no it's alright - he can sit down' ... I had to explain that it was important to me that he grows up with good manners.

Yes, your friend's BF should have stood up for you.

I often stand up for older people (sometimes this shames men into standing up).

sunshiney · 02/03/2010 18:43

I think you should not be cross with your friend, rather pity her having a somewhat unchivalrous boyfriend.

What good would being cross with her do? You wanted her to make her bf stand, she was probably thinking if he didn't do it of his own volition there wasn't much she could do.

Hope your mums better.

plantsitter · 02/03/2010 18:49

Couldn't you have made your bf swop half way through the journey? That's what I would've done. Maybe not if it was someone I didn't know all that well, but your best friend?

Original poster
SkipHopJump · 02/03/2010 18:50

Thanks for the good wishes- she's doing ok.

Thanks also for the straight talking! Of course I shouldn't still be annoyed- how ridiculous of me! I have just sent her a text to invite her for dinner

OP posts: