a bottle of wine a night - too much?

[cjn27b]

AIBU to consider a bottle of wine a night, drunk solo, is rather a lot? This is DP on a regular night having got home from the office, more tends to go down on a night out.

I realise government figures say this is a lot, but what about in the real world - I've no idea what people drink at home.

Definitely too much,but by no means unusual.

Too much. My dp does similar, he is now diabetic, with high blood pressure & cholesterol. Age 52.

cjn - yes it's too much.
DH and I probably share a bottle a night but maybe 3 or 4 nights a week, not every day.
I think your '2 nights off a week to start' is a good approach.
What about the financial aspect - doea that bother him at all? At say a fiver a bottle he is looking at over 1800 quid a year...! That's before going out or any other drinks.

Dh and I can put away a bottle a night at the weekends, with nothing during the week and even I think that's too much.

I've been cutting back by having 2 or 3 cans of lager on a Fri night instead and not topping my glass up fully so that dh gets more than me (well he is bigger than me!).

If he can't stop, which he probably won't be able to, look at getting him to cut back. Don't finish the bottle, keep some for tomorrow. Alternate a glass of wine with a glass of water.

If he's spending an average of £5 on a bottle, that's £35pw. You could spend that on a nice meal at the weekends instead, or over a month it would pay for a weekend away.

He probably looks forward to his wine every evening as a form of stress relief so, organise something for the weekend for him to look forward to as a reward for staying off it during the week. Or get him into doing something physical instead.

In case OP is interested:

www.aa.org/en_pdfs/smf-121_en.pdf

I think that working out strategies on how you might control or reduced his drinking is incompatible with admitting you are powerless (the first of the twelve steps). Pleae please please look after yourself and your children. Do not take on his obsession for him. You will not be helping him. Rather you will be enabling him.

I recommend this book for anyone close to an addict (including but not limited to alcohol).

www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025

Nope. Totally respectable quantity. Provided, of course, it's a decent tipple...

Definitely too much! I love wine and I enjoy drinking, but that is way above healthy levels and WILL lead to much bigger problems.
Sorry - would love to have said the opposite

It's a fair bit but not exceptional. Surely the point is that he is an adult and his drinking appears to have no knock on effects on anyone else, so why is it anything to do with anyone else?

Yes, maybe he'll keel over at 60 instead of still dribbling in front of the tv at 90, but as an intelligent man I'm sure he knows this might happen.

A lot of people make completely rational decisions to drink/smoke heavily. Living as long as possible isnt everyone's number 1 priority.

And you know.....not everyone who drinks heavily is an alcoholic........some people just like getting pissed...because actualy it's quite good fun.

Yes I've seen programs on this where people who drink a bottle of wine every night have worse liver damage than those who binge drink every weekend.

I think it is too much, but it doesn't matter what I (or you) think. He is an adult, it is his health and his liver. All you can do is tell him you think he drinks too much and leave it.

You can't control him, even for his own benefit.

My Dh was doing this, and as I am/was pregnant and Bfeeding I noticed it all the more. We decided that it was too much after doing the online NHS survey. My Dh just would not take my word for it that he was drinking too much.
Now we only drink at the weekends, and the goal is not to finish the bottle. We also had Jan and Feb dry to see what it was like. The weight fell off him and he felt amazing. It is much better now, as although he would happily polish off the best part of a bottle of red, he now sees that it is better to savour it. We tend to buy more expensive wine now too and try to "appreciate it" [smug wannabe wine taster type] emoticom

I agree with Strix and Morloth - yes, it's too much, but all you can do is tell him that it worries you and leave it up to him to sort out. You will soon see whether your feelings or his bottle of wine are more important to him.

Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh but like others I grew up in a household affected by alcohol abuse and have seen how futile and damaging it is to try and control someone else's drinking.

Too much and agree about the tolerance - has probably built up a physical dependance on it.

Calories - probably the equivalent of consuming two mars bars every night - you mentioned he needs to lose weight - well that's where to start.

Health implications - not just liver changes, but affects stomach lining (cancer, gastric ulcers, pancreas (pancreatitis, diabetes), cardiovascular (stroke, raised blood pressure)and probably affects his sleep - sleep after alcohol consumption has less REM sleep - so a poorer quality leading to stress and psychological problems.

Yes the 'units' and safe limits are guidelines because no two individuals are alike but alcohol (ethanol) after all is a poison and if you don't allow your body enough time to recover then it can't heal itself.

Finally - no there is nothing you can do about it except express your concerns.

After the birth of my 2nd son I fell into the habit of drinking a bottle - sometimes a bottle and a half - every night. I have no excuse: I was on my own with two children and I felt that I needed something to reward myself with when they had gone to bed. I got so that I was constantly chasing a hangover. If I took a break it was for one night and I soon made up for it the following night. My weight ballooned until I was squeezing into a size 18. I was depressed, angry and irritable all the time. I stopped cold after my youngest became feverish and had to be rushed to casualty. I was too drunk to drive and when I arrived at the hospital I was slurring my words, repeating myself, generally being out of control. I could see that the nurses were disgusted with me and this apparently wound me up so much that I started being abusive towards them.
The next day I stopped cold. It wasn't me that I was hurting. I realised - and I know how stupidly obvious it seems - that I was putting my children at risk and making myself an unfit mother the rest of the time.

The point I'm getting to is that yes, a bottle of wine a night is too much but if your partner is anything like me and many other problem drinkers that I have subsequently met, you are just going to make matters worse by telling him that he is drinking too much.

I don't know what the answer is: people don't stop drinking unless they really want to stop.

AArgh having to re-type message as just lost it all. Like the other OP I am writing from the perspective of having an alcoholic DH (sober for 4 years). First thing - the liver test means nothing - my DH used to drink at least a bottle of vodka a day and his liver is absolutely fine! Your DH does not sound like an alcie to me although a bottle of wine a day is prob not doing him a lot of good (but maybe better than a packet of cigarettes). An alcoholic would be constantly increasing his drinking levels and he would most likely be lying about his drinking and trying to conceal it. Doesn't sound as if your DH does this - he is more likely just a heavy drinker (I know lots of people who drink as much or more than this but are absolutely not alcoholics). Love the notion of the typical alcoholic. Like the OP said, my DH has a wonderful mix of AA mates - many high ranking professionals plus a sprinkling of millionaires. We reckon our social life is in a whole different strate - alcohol is a great leveller. I would recommend reading the Getting Them Sober books by Toby Rice Drews (Amazon have them) and look at the website www.gettingthemsober.com. I found this hugely helpful when I was going through it. Be aware that if you find yourself covering for your DHs drinking or making excuses then that could well be the start of enabling.

Who knows if he's an alkie? as others have said, it certainly won't be quantities that define it. It will be attitudes - how he feels about nights off; how he behaves when drunk and if this actually affects his subsequent drinking; whether your family make genuine sacrifices, be they financial or emotional, as a result of his drinking; what he's like when he can't drink; if you've ever suspected him of hiding or "doing a PR job" on his drinking; if he makes excuses to justify his drinking; and so forth.

Also, if your husband is built like Sid Little on a diet then a bottle a day is obviously going to hit him harder than one of nature's "Bigginses". French road menders traditionally get this sort of quantity on lunch breaks but that doesn't mean your husband will function as well as they do.

I would also guess that a lot of people who say this is not too much or not unusual have not read the thread properly.

A bottle in a night - not at all too much, probably qutie common.

A bottle a night, every night, regardless of whether anyone is drinking alongside him, with a bit more on special occasions - very unusual in anyone over 25, I would say, very unhealthy, and not boding well for controlled or moderate drinking in the future.

A friend of mine said try Alanon meetings if you are worried by someone elses drinking..and AA if you are worried about your own..

A friend of mine said try Alanon meetings if you are worried by someone elses drinking..and AA if you are worried about your own..

He shouldn't drink if he is home alone with the children - imagine if one choked on something or needed to be rushed to hospital - he might be in a drunken sleep or too drunk to know not to drive.

Honestly- yes too much. If i'm being completley honest- sounds like he's got a problem- probably has got into the habit of using it to wind down- the problem is it could end up being a crutch.

Hello.

I have a friend who tried hypnosis to cut down drinking, it really worked well. You can get hypnosis CDs on Amazon that you can listen to at home to control drinking. She went from drinking a glass of wine in five seconds flat to making one last all evening. It didn't mean she stopped drinking, AA style, just that she was able to control it.
I agree he probably has to want to cut down himself, but isn't love for his wife who is concerned a genuine motivation? Am not from an alcoholic home so have very little understanding of the AA works. I understand you have to hit rock bottom to make the choice yourself, but on a bottle a night and feeling fine, that doesn't sound very likely.
Good luck with it all, he is fortunate to have a wife who cares.
And yes, I think a bottle a night is way too much. We have a glass or two each about 5 nights a week. Was more but I made a conscious decision to cut back and feel better for it.