a bottle of wine a night - too much?

[cjn27b]

AIBU to consider a bottle of wine a night, drunk solo, is rather a lot? This is DP on a regular night having got home from the office, more tends to go down on a night out.

I realise government figures say this is a lot, but what about in the real world - I've no idea what people drink at home.

you THINK you are sober enough
you arent
you loko and act pissed

It's more than double the recommended daily safe alcohol limit for men. Definitely too much.

I'd be more worried about the effects of growing up in an alcoholic home on my children than I would about his liver test. To drink every single night is excessive. o make excuses when your spouse raises the issue a sign of addiction.

There aren't really enough details on here for me to say, but if I were you I would educated myself on the effects of alcoholism.

I guess you have your answer that your DH's drinking is not normal... although it may be common.

I usually come to these sorts of threads with the admission that my DH is an alcoholic but has been sober for over 3 years now.

Obviously during this time I have listened to him talk about AA stuff and I've picked things up myself from support groups.

I'd say that the amount of alcohol consumed it irrelevant, to an extent. The fact that you are questioning his consumption, and the regularity of it, raises a red flag. Why does he feel the need to drink a bottle every night? Have you talked to him about that?

My DH's behaviour was never bad when he was drinking. He was never violent, or nasty, or any of those things. But he was very depressed.

are we married to the same man?

Dh and I share a bottle of wine every night, and I mean every night. i probably drink just under half the bottle.
Then he has a small brandy/whisky before bed.
Thats the average, but weekends are heavier.A beer or two watching sport, a gin and tonic before dinner,or a glass of fizz.

I honestly don't think its unusual or above average intake.

On the plus side he has never smoked or taken any drugs, even in student days. Unfortunatly i cannot say the same.

This is the bit that caught my attention:

"This is where it gets tricky - his behaviour is fine after a bottle."

This sounds like you have been monitoring his consumption and following behaviour for some time. And what does "his behaviour is fine" mean? I'd be far more worried about someone who has learned to function on drink as if that is his normal state than I would about some happy drunk fool who is obviously not accustomed to such indulgences.

way too much. I consider a bottle a week to be pretty rock 'n' roll, and some of that is for cooking.

A bottle a day costs ££££ too.

strix When I say 'his behaviour is fine' I mean he doesn't seem drunk.

He has done this for years, had a highly successful career and whilst the odd person says 'he likes his wine' there's never been much comment.

I worry about his future health as he doesn't do any exercise and is 'sturdy'. More recently question why he drinks so much. I think it's just habit, but could be wrong. He certainly doesn't behave like a stereotypical alcoholic. I'm just not sure how to approach it.

Banging on about government stats certainly won't wash. As for wading in with AA leaflets, that would probably result in my never being taken seriously again.

Will definately try and suggest a two day break each week, sounds like a sensible approach and if he objects strongly then try to address that.

A bottle of wine a night is definitely too much whether regularly or not. It's full of calories and the long term effects of that much alcohol on your liver, cancer risk and risk of heart attacks/strokes is VERY significant. Doesn't matter whether you are a man or a woman. Liver function tests are meaningless and either he didn't tell the GP exactly how much he drinks (common) or didn't tell you exactly what the GP said.

Whether he (and you) think he can 'handle it' is really irrelevant. He needs to cut down completely and have a really good think about why he is drinking. He'll feel healthier and you will all be happier.

And of course, what if something happened when he was drinking - can you really trust him to act as he would when he was sober?

What is a stereotypical alcoholic?

Trouble is some people seem able to drink vast quantities and get away with it for years . My mum drinks about 60 units a week and has done for years (and smokes as well). She 73 and finally getting erratic blood pressure but won't give up either habit

Sorry, I am laughing myself silly at you thinking that there is a stereotypical alcoholic.

You should come and meet my DH and his AA mates. You really couldn't meet a more eclectic group.

As I mentioned in my earlier post, my DH never behaved badly when drunk. That is probably the most dangerous thing. He used to drink excessively and then function "normally" but over time he had to drink more and more just to maintain that.

I was in denial for a long time about his drinking. A bottle a night isn't normal and isn't safe, and you know that or you wouldn't have posted that. I'm going to leave this thread now as you seem quite defensive.

It also stikes me, OP, that you are pondering ways you might fix him. I think you should probably take care of yourself. You can't fix him. And attempting the impossible will only drive you crazy.

I think you should tell him you think his drinking is a problem. And then leave it to him to sort out. If he chooses not to sort it out knowing it upsets you, than that will probably say a lot about just how important alcohol is to him.

I know I have not laid my cards on the tables here, but I have a rather extensive qualification in growing up in an alcoholic home. And I'm afraid I recognise quite a few signs in your post. I am truly for you.

Perhaps I am wrong. I hope I am, for your sake. But, you do sound as if you are making excuses for him.

I read a really good piece of advice recently for those trying to cut back on alcohol. Drink at weekends and on Wednesdays. That way, you're never far away from another drink. If he could manage this he'd still be drinking too much but at least his body would have regular breaks which should help somewhat. If he's reluctant to try then perhaps, rather than talking specifically about his alcohol use (which he may be defensive about), you could mention that he could do with losing a few pounds...

That probably sounds awful, but sometimes appealing to people's vanity can be more productive than appealing to their need to look after their health. Whatever works.

I drink more than that on a very regular basis, and so do a lot of my friends, but I think it is far too much. The problem is that once you've been doing it for an extended period of time and getting on ok the following day, you don't really see it as a problem, in my experience. So it's hard to come up with a reason to stop.

Me and dh share a bottle on most Saturdays but not all. Besides anything it costs too much!

yes its a bit much, but yes its very common too! I used to easily manage half a bottle before I was PG, and a few ppl I now still drink this much

I agree with snowtiger, go for the "nights off"

It is too much, i used to drink like this pre dcs, i do love my wine but try to limit it now, down to 3 nights a week and no more than half a bottle/3 small glasss of wine in one go. However if I go out it's usually more.

At the beginning of both pregnancies I lost weight due to cutting out booze. I easily went back to pre pg size after most recent birth 5 months ago but have devloped horrible flab round my middle due to drinking wine again. Esp since stoppinb bf 3 weeks ago. It's alarming how quickly it plies back on. Am cutting right back again for vanity reasons. I cannot bear the sight of my pudgy waist. I also look ridiculous as the rest of me stays slim (somewould say skinny) and i've got this awful sticky out belly.

It has to go!

Thesecondcoming makes valid point and possible helpful solutions to reduce intake, boost mood.

I would try that if I were OP. I am acutely aware of how difficult it is to get a man to accept that what they are doing is detrimental to their health and not to do it, it's hard. I hope you manage before you see any problems emerge.

CAGE questionnaire
Have you ever felt you should cut down on your drinking?
Have people annoyed you by criticising your drinking?
Have you ever felt guilty about your drinking?
Do you ever drink first thing in the morning (eyeopener)?

2/4 of these positive indicates a likely drinking problem.
I reckon he has got the cut down one because you said he tried once in the past and annoyed by criticism (from you).

Consuming a whole bottle with no ill effects is actually a bad sign because it means he is tolerant to it which is a component of physical addiction. How would he act if he was somewhere where he couldn't get alcohol? If he avoids that scenario this is another bad sign.

You need to tell him that this is a problem for you and therefore it should be for him too. It is a negative consequence of his drinking. He needs full information to weigh up the positives and negatives of drinking and hopefully make the right decision.

I recently read this article. Sorry to muddy the waters with it but it is interesting.

www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/food_and_drink/article2697975.ece

I don't think that article implies there is no such thing as problem drinking just that the level at which it is a problem is very individual.
You can't really say x units or y units is too much
I think the very fact that the OP is concerned is likely to mean there is a problem. If drinking starts to become necessary to you, if you crave a drink when you can't have one, if you put it ahead of more important things in your life eg your partner and if you are in denial about it but others notice then you have a problem.

Absolutely mamadoc. You're right.

However, as the OP referenced "the government figures", I thought it was worth putting forward the idea that the government figures have no scientific basis whatsoever.