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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I actually don't think I am being unreasonable

37 replies

Saltire · 01/03/2010 14:59

but you might disagree with me.
My MUm and step dad celebrate an anniversary this month. There was a bit of a to do becasue idiot brother number 2 said he wasn't going to pay his share. I said fine, don't go, mum said if he wasn't going neither was she.

Anyway, after much discussion my otehr brother and I agreed, yet again, to bail him out and pay half the cost between us incuding his share. It has caused a fair few arguments with DH though.

Anyway, it was supposed to be a lunch, on a weekend that we are up there anyway (mum is having a small birthday aprty for DS1 that saturday)> I said to brother 1 to book it on the Sunday and not at a specific place because mum and step dad don't like it.

So, what's he done. booked it for 6pm on the Friday at the place I told him not to book it. That means that DH is going to have to take a days leave. We will have to take the DSes out of school at lunchtime.

And when i said "well actually it's easier for us to do Sunday lunchtime" He said "oh me and SIL are going to a 21st on the Saturday night and will have hangovers because the DCs are staying at SILs parents"

Am I being unreasonable to be feckin annoyed with both brothers. i thought only number 2 was an idiot but it seems I am the only one with any sense

OP posts:
GrimmaTheNome · 01/03/2010 15:03

YANBU. Your brothers are pillocks. Putting their hangovers ahead of you and DH taking leave and kids out of school is terribly self-centred... are your brothers actual grown-ups?

And now you know, in future you have to do all booking.

Original poster
Saltire · 01/03/2010 15:05

Sorry about spellings - having a bad day with Fibro fog and hand problems!

OP posts:
swanandduck · 01/03/2010 15:05

They both sound really self centred.

Whatever about hangovers, why did your brother book a restaurant that he knows your parents don't like.

GrimmaTheNome · 01/03/2010 15:05

In fact, if I was you I'd tell them that your DH can't take that day off work and rearrange sensibly. If its a place your mum and SD don't like and its their celebration it needs changing anyway doesn't it?

DuelingFanjo · 01/03/2010 15:05

cancell it and re-book somewhere else. Simples.

rainfatclouds · 01/03/2010 15:06

You must insist that it's cancelled. Yanbu, Grimma has said it all. A day's leave and a day out of school? Not on. Say no: he'll have to pay the whole lot himself and he'll soon change his mind.

CliffBarnsby · 01/03/2010 15:07

YANBU. It does seem that neither has any sense!

In that situation I would probably be telling people that I couldn't go anymore, but I am very grumpy.

Pineapplechunks · 01/03/2010 15:07

YANBU. Very annoying and inconsiderate of both of them.

Jackstini · 01/03/2010 16:13

No YANBU, especially about the venue. Cancel and rebook something that your parents would like!
Also don't say 'it is easier for us to do Sunday lunchtime' Just say 'we can't do friday night' and tell him it has to be changed.

Morloth · 01/03/2010 16:17

You need to bail. In fact I would give up on a family outing at that point and just ask your Mum and Step-Dad to lunch with you.

Poledra · 01/03/2010 16:19

I'm with Morloth - tell your brother you will not be taking the DCs out of school/a day's holiday for DH, then go out for lunch on Sunday with your mother and stepdad.

They're both selfish eejits.

rainfatclouds · 01/03/2010 16:20

Please come back and tell us you've bailed. This is such selfish behaviour I'll be very cross if you don't stand up to it.

Eglu · 01/03/2010 16:25

YANBU, I remember your previous thread on this.

Why would your DB book somewhere that they don't like? How bizarre? And since you are travellein to get there I think it is only fair that you get to say when ti is too.

Original poster
Saltire · 02/03/2010 12:52

Oh I don't know what to do now. DB has invited mum and step dads friend (a couple) along, they were the best man and bridesmaid and they are going too, so now if i say I'm not going DB1 gets to be all golden blue eyed boy and everyone's favourite as usual, and I get told how selfish I am. In actual fact I don't think I am the one being selfish here

OP posts:
rainfatclouds · 02/03/2010 12:54

No you aren't. Bail and say your husband can't get the time off and the children aren't allowed out of school. How can they possibly blame you. BAIL!

Original poster
Saltire · 02/03/2010 12:57

I know I shouold but he'll tell them "oh saltire couldn't make it,didn't want to take the dcs out of school, came up with the excuse that the school wasn't happy". Then he'll take mum and stepdad to the palce they don't like along with idiot DB2 and their friends and whatever we do on the Sunday will be compared to it.
and then other people who weren't there, random people who live there, will say to me when they see me "oh what a lovely thing your borhter did for your mum and x, he's good like that, pity you couldn't make it though" and give me that look.

OP posts:
Original poster
Saltire · 02/03/2010 13:01

and, while I'm at it, my mum has organised this party for DS1 ages ago, when she found out we were moving. AND told SIL and DB1 about it, but now, they say they can't make it becasue, wait for this, they are going out on the Friday with us(they think) and then the saturday night to a 21st, so they don't want to be out all day the Saturday, so they will drop their dcs off and SILs mum will pick them up at 5pm that give SIL and DB1 the afternoon to get ready.

Now I know it's SILs friends 21st, but FFS would it kill them to go to DB1s party even for half an hour. I know, before someone piles in as usual, that he's 12, but my mum has spent 2 birthdyas with him due to the fact we have lived all over the country, and she is keen to do this, so I am letting her

OP posts:
compo · 02/03/2010 13:01

honestly take a deep breath an dtry not to care what they think
don't take the kids out of school and don't go on the Friday

compo · 02/03/2010 13:03

I would ring your mum and say 'I'm awafully sorry but dh can't get time off on the Friday and I don't want to take the kids out of school. Would you mind if we just came for ds' birthday?'
sod the rest of them just make it about ds and your mum

rainfatclouds · 02/03/2010 13:06

phone your mum

say you CAN'T -- it's not a case of don't want to

say what a shame it can't be on Sunday which would have suited so much more but it was a hangover problem

say it like it is Saltire -- you have nothing to be ashamed of

if your db gets the glory let your db pay

be happy stay away you won't enjoy it and it will affect the birthday too

stay away and phone your mum now

rainfatclouds · 02/03/2010 13:07

by the way I am old and I know something important

I know it doesn't matter what other people would think

moomaa · 02/03/2010 13:07

Yes bail. Just tell your Mum and Step Dad that you'll see them Sunday, he won't be golden boy because he failed to sort out a whole family lunch.

rainfatclouds · 02/03/2010 13:08

tell them how upset you are that he fixed it up like this

which won't be untrue

mydoorisalwaysopen · 02/03/2010 13:12

I think you are being a little bit unreasonable - it looks like your brother has made an effort to get special friends to your mum and stepdad's party and has done the booking. From his point of view I expect he thinks you are being unreasonable for deciding when the party should be held and where it should not be and then leaving it up to him to make the arrangements.

Perhaps you should look at it as an unexpected long weekend with your mum and stepdad and do something nice with them on the sunday as well.

I can't imagine missing a day of school is going to disadvantage the kids that much. Husband having to take a day off is more of a PITA tho.

I also have a golden boy brother so I know that it can be annoying esp when you feel you have made a lot of effort and then someone else gets all the credit.

Original poster
Saltire · 02/03/2010 13:12

I know I shouldn't care about what other people think - especially random bloody people in the town, but when you spend most of your life being compared to your brother, it gets annoying and I can't be bothered with it. My brother has the exact same name that my dad had and is hi spitting image, and as children he was the favourite with aunts and uncles. As he got older all these pople tell em all the time "oh you're not as funny/clever/got better looking kids etc than your brother. Not my aunts and uncles saying this, random people

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