I actually don't think I am being unreasonable

[Saltire]

but you might disagree with me.
My MUm and step dad celebrate an anniversary this month. There was a bit of a to do becasue idiot brother number 2 said he wasn't going to pay his share. I said fine, don't go, mum said if he wasn't going neither was she.

Anyway, after much discussion my otehr brother and I agreed, yet again, to bail him out and pay half the cost between us incuding his share. It has caused a fair few arguments with DH though.

Anyway, it was supposed to be a lunch, on a weekend that we are up there anyway (mum is having a small birthday aprty for DS1 that saturday)> I said to brother 1 to book it on the Sunday and not at a specific place because mum and step dad don't like it.

So, what's he done. booked it for 6pm on the Friday at the place I told him not to book it. That means that DH is going to have to take a days leave. We will have to take the DSes out of school at lunchtime.

And when i said "well actually it's easier for us to do Sunday lunchtime" He said "oh me and SIL are going to a 21st on the Saturday night and will have hangovers because the DCs are staying at SILs parents"

Am I being unreasonable to be feckin annoyed with both brothers. i thought only number 2 was an idiot but it seems I am the only one with any sense

He didn't even think of the idea, it was me who had to remind him. I ahve to ring him up and remind when mms birthday is.

Rise above it.

The cheek is that he's invited others without asking you, are you expected to pay for them too?

Don't take the children out, you might need that spare half day for something else. And a precious half day of holiday instead of a hangover?!

I would tell them to shove it.

wrt your db I think we are talking passive aggressive here

stand up to it

Looking through the other responses I think I'm in a minority in my opinion but I guess I just tend to go for less family stress and division rather than more. If you live so far away from your family that it's an event to go to see them then it's a real shame if the time is spent being bitter or angry.

I think you have a nice point of view tbh and some very calming thoughts.

But I think this is very unjust.

I don't think YABU at all, I can see why this would be so irritating, but not really sure what to advise. Could you maybe go along later on the Friday, then organise your own special lunch with your mum etc some other time over the w/e?? Is it a long drive?

I agree with others.
Don´t go, let the brothers sort payment out themselves, see them for the weekend as planned.

Thaks for all the replies, i did worry that I was coming across as selfish, not wanting to take the DCs out of school.

It's about 2 -21/5 drive depending on traffic and weatehr (the route we would go is often shut because of snow, etc).

That would make things a bit of a mad rush then, depeding on what time your DH usually finishes work!

I would explain to your mum that there seems to have been some "communication breakdown" with your DB- that you asked him to book for Sunday lunchtime, but he "must have got the wrong end of the stick" and the unfortunate upshot is that you won't be able to make the Friday night thing, real shame etc etc. BUT that you are looking forward to spending some time with them, and that it will actually be quite nice to have them to yourselves, so that you can have a proper catch up rather than shouting at each other at a busy (noisy?) venue Then you can be thoughtful and caring, rather than selfish!!

How can you be being selfish OP?
At the end of the day it involves husband and children taking day off.

It just doesn´t work for you & that´s it.

I think the point to have bailed on this meal was when you got blackmailed by your mother into paying your younger brother's share.

They all sound like a bunch of selfish arseholes and I certainly wouldn't put myself out for any of them as it's pretty clear they will just take advantage.

Go up when it suits you, take your parents out for lunch and don't ever try to organise something with your brothers again.

"Then he'll take mum and stepdad to the palce they don't like along with idiot DB2 and their friends and whatever we do on the Sunday will be compared to it."

Good, let it be compared: Friday evening with everyone stressed, at a place mum and stepdad don't like VS relaxed Sunday lunch at a place they like.

Why do there have to be hangovers? How old are all these people? Doesn't someone have to drive?

Silly.

As regards the golden boy reputation, I know this is a bit mean-spirited of me (so if you can't bear to do it, just enjoy the idea!), what about no longer issuing reminders of your mum's birthday, at least until after you have a plan to propose which suits the maximum number of people (see, not utterly mean-spirited!).