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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in not wanting to dress 6mth dd in black dress with red shrug in MAY?

38 replies

eggontoast · 01/03/2010 09:23

AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH. Me and DH love dipppy MIL to death, she's actually a really lovely one (it took 8 years and my birthing 2 children for us to see eye to eye), but she keeps buying clothes in sales, which either are too small or are for when baby gets bigger but out of season.

She takes off sale price tag, leaves full price tag on and gives to us. I just feel they are wasted money.

She buys loads and loads of stuff, probably spends £20 a month, but nearly all of it ends up on 'car boot' pile because it is either out of season (ie. coat in summer) and won't fit next year etc. I wish she would just buy one lovely, correct size and season thing with this money, she is addicted to sales.

FGS she has (without asking I add) bought a BLACK dress (very pretty but I would not even dress baby in black in winter) which is quite obviously winter fabric and a red wooly shrug and commented to SIL who is getting married in 22 May - 'Won't she look lovely at the wedding in this'. IN MAY.

I am being very ungrateful, and precious, but, I really don't want to upset her, but dont want daughter dressed in black and red in May.

Please help!

OP posts:

kinnies · 01/03/2010 09:27

Could you tell her that its lovley that she bought clothes for Dd, but they are not sutable?
TBH as long as she dosnt know what shes doing wrong, she cant change it.
I'd get Dh to tell her! >>wimp

nickytwotimes · 01/03/2010 09:28

Tell her it didn't fit.

I have an aunt who is like this - ridiculous and often expensive outfits.

Smile and nod, smile and nod.

addictedtomn · 01/03/2010 09:29

ok well i understand what your saying, but if she leaves the full price tags on can you not take the clothes back to the shops she buys from adn get gift cards to the correct value and save up teh money she's spending and then buy something nice from her?

i actually do this alot when my mil buys clothes for me as long as you tell teh shop assistants they are presents form your mil and you dont like them and you know they were in the sale they are usually fine at giving sale value on a gift card.

if your mil is anything like mine, she actually wont remember what she bought you.

would this work?

nickytwotimes · 01/03/2010 09:31

Oh, yeah, teh returning and swapping is good.
Most shops are happy to give you the current value if they still ahve labels on and have clearly not been worn.

4andnotout · 01/03/2010 09:36

My nan does this for my dd's, this year they got shorts for christmas As my nan buys them from primark sales i don't bother returning i just put them on freecycle.

However in your case as they have store labels on i would just take them and exchange them for something more suitable

gtamom · 01/03/2010 09:37

I would probably go out and buy the May wedding outfit, then next time you see her bring it out to show her. Or even call her up all excited about the lovely pale pink(or whatever your favour for dd) outfit you "found today" for the wedding. Since she did not tell you, but your sil, it gave you a fairly easy and non hurtful way to get out of the black dress dilemma.

The other stuff, you could tell her in a kind way, when she gives them to you, or the next day...ask if it can be exchanged for a different size?

Why would anyone even make a baby (infant baby at that) dress in black? Ugh!

nappyaddict · 01/03/2010 09:40

I would take them back too. Just make sure you take them back as soon as you get them because if they go down even more in the sale you won't get as much.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 01/03/2010 09:42

I live in Scotland. A warm frock and a wooly shrug sound ideal for May...

tethersend · 01/03/2010 09:53

I dressed my DD almost exclusively in black since birth- it's hard to find black stuff! I like the sound of the outfit, but she hasn't bought it for me, so do what I did with the mountain of pink crap my stepmother bought me- dress baby in outfit, take a series of photos, undress baby and post photos (framed if poss) to outfit buyer.

It's not the worst thing in the world if someone wants to spend money on your child. It would be a tad ungracious to say anything about it.

MmeLindt · 01/03/2010 09:56

Do what Tethersend says. Take photos of baby in dress and shrug.

If the weather is miserable (as it could be end of May) put it on her for the day to keep SIL and MIL happy. It is just one day.

If the weather is nice dress her in a nice summer dress and say that you thought she would be uncomfortable in the warm dress and shrug, and isn't it a shame as you were so looking forward to seeing her in it.

Original poster

eggontoast · 01/03/2010 10:00

The returning swapping idea is good if you live near town and go, but I live out in country and go to town perhaps once or twice a year! (really)

OP posts:

Rhian82 · 01/03/2010 10:01

If it's going to be too hot then fair enough, but I don't see the problem in a baby being in black. A friend of ours who's a goth knit DS lots of black clothes and he looked really adorable in them, it's nice to have a change from all those pastels.

Came in handy for when we went to a funeral too (though on that same thought I can see black may not be suitable for a wedding).

Original poster

eggontoast · 01/03/2010 10:04

tethersend - yes, thats how I feel - ungratious to either take back, tell her etc. I just smile and try to be genuinely grateful - most of the time it works, but she has really stepped on my toes this time, with the wedding thing, because I have been saving up for outfits from my 'ladies incidentals' account for 6 months.

Taking photo's is usually what I do to be honest, make sure person buying said gift sees wearing when the come round etc., but won't cut it this time as MIL will be at the wedding!

OP posts:

Original poster

eggontoast · 01/03/2010 10:08

I think a black dress, as long as it is pretty fabric and sparkly or something with white tights / cardie in winter is absolutely fine. But for a summer wedding??!! with a red cardie??!!

Really, I am no fashion expert and have the same clothes for years, but, I really really wanted us all to look lovely (through my and dh/'s eyes lovely) I have missed hen do, many nights out and doing a lot of things I enjoy because of bf and I really want to at least look lovely as a family for this wedding.

I have, sad as I know as there is more to life, been really really looking forward to dressing up the family.

OP posts:

MmeLindt · 01/03/2010 10:18

LOL at 'ladies incidentals' account. Sorry.

Have you already bought a dress for the wedding? Could you just say that you have bought one already, and put the black one on for the rehearsal(if you are attending that)

tethersend · 01/03/2010 10:19

Your DD will be sick all down the front of the dress on the morning of the wedding. I guarantee it

Good job you had that 'emergency outfit' you chose on standby

Veritythebrave · 01/03/2010 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

eggontoast · 01/03/2010 10:27

MmeLindt - I can only imagine why you find it funny - share... I like a laugh!

OP posts:

Original poster

eggontoast · 01/03/2010 10:32

lol tethersend - very good. To tell a white lie to save someone's feelings, or tell the truth in as nicer way as possible. Or, have daughter wear dress. Those are my choices, aren't they.

Ultimately, it will be up to dh to decide, it's his mother.

I've had an idea - before she mentions to me about wearing it to the wedding, I'm going to invite her for a meal with me and daughter, girls night, on me, and daughter will be wearing beautiful winter outfit (in winter ) and if she says - 'Oh, I bought that for wedding' I can say, 'Oh, sorry, you never said. I've gone and bought something for wedding now oh dear.' (having bought some socks or something towards dd wedding outfit!) Then, I am letting her down gently, not lying and getting my own way .

OP posts:

addictedtomn · 01/03/2010 10:36

sounds perfect eggontoast!

MmeLindt · 01/03/2010 10:38

DH and I were doing our Finance Plan last night. Which to me is jotting down some sums on the back of an envelope but to him is a spreadsheet with autosum and formulas.

I was just thinking that your 'Ladies Incidentals' would fit in nicely on his spreadsheet. He could colour it pink. And his 'Gentlemen's Incidentals' column would be blue.

Buzzybb · 01/03/2010 10:43

Could ye not put the dress on baba take a pic [even a few days before the wedding] and make sure Baba has apple and pear for lunch / dinner and oops the dress did not survive the nappy change and how lucky was it that you has a spare dress, I discovered this method by accident at recent event when the dress for a creeping crawling trying to stand 9 mo was unsuitable [she looked like a toilet roll cover]. DP was also on nappy duty!! I covered all bases and did not even realise it.

WingedVictory · 01/03/2010 10:43

Are tampons included in Ladies' Incidentals?

gtamom · 01/03/2010 10:43

That's a good plan eggontoast!
Your name made me hungry btw.

nappyaddict · 01/03/2010 10:46

You could sell some of the stuff on ebay perhaps?

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