Empty threats are pointless, stupid and only result in your children losing respect for you and to stop believing you so it doesn't even stop them doing what they're doing!

[heQet]

Well? Am I?

• this is a gang up on my husband and tell him he's wrong thread, btw -

Saying such daft things as "you're going to run 500 on the treadmill" "you don't want any more pocket money from now on" etc etc - things he doesn't MEAN, that he's no intention of actually doing, just saying for god knows what reason - it's stupid and it's pointless.

If you want to tell your child that the consequence for their behaviour will be X - DON'T SAY IT UNLESS YOU MEAN IT!

Again and again and again, he comes out with his no more pocket money / run 500 or 1000 on the treadmill but he doesn't mean it. He's just saying it.

So they do something, he says oh you want to run 500 on the treadmill heh-heh-heh they yell sorry sorry sorry. 2 minutes later and repeat.

Either you carry out a punishment or you don't bloody say it! Just don't give the same warning over and over and over that you have no intention of carrying out - it makes you look a FOOL and the kids quickly learn that you are full of crap, and don't respect what you are saying anyway.

don't get me started, i have having a massive issue internally with this at the mo and have not yet worked out how to bring this up without it causing world war 3 in the house. don't tell him he's going straight to bed and then not do it, or tell him he has amassive punishment for something tiny and then not do it. it drives me up the effing wall. i am feeling very strongly about this atm. YANBU in the slightest.

YANBU.

I have a freind who does this with her dd.

When ever we go out we get 'If you don't do XYZ then i'm going to take you dolls' over and over again. All the time in my head i'm saying just bloody do it, while biting my tongue and trying to ignore .

Yep, I agree -don't make threats or promises you can't keep. Plus if he's suggesting silly stuff and not carrying it through - it means you've always got to be the bad guy who hands out proper consequences - not fair on you.

I always wish people wouldn't threaten their children with " be good/ don't touch/ stop that or the lady will shout at you/ smack you"

Agree
Dh always makes ridiculous threats like
'If you dont behave you can forget about your birthday' despite birthday not being for another 4 months or so. grrrrrrrrrrrr, I feel your painn hequet

You're not wrong

but he is doing it because he doesn't know what else to do.

Give him some suggestions/model some reasonable consequences. Explain how this gives him more power.

treadmill is such a wanky punishment - if you are going to punish your kids - get them to clean things for you - at least it's useful

Never make a promise you can't deliver.

Never make a threat you won't carry out.

I have a friend with 3 (now late teens) girls, all very close in age so you can imagine the squabbling etc.

One year, she threw all the Easter Eggs in the bin.

Another time, they'd got 100 yards into Disneyland, they turned them round and marched them out of there.

Those girls know a threat is a threat. And are all delightful, well-mannered etc etc btw.

I use cleaning as a consequence my kids hate cleaning!!!

Yup, yanbu. My sister does this all the time 'if you don't behave we're going home' whilst getting more comfy in Starbucks and getting her phone out for a marathon texting session.

Her kids know fine well they're going nowhere.

Just once, if they actually did leave, it would be a massively effective message. But she'll never do it.

Agree wholeheartedly! I heard a mum threaten to smack her 6 year old in Tesco's during half term. I knew she wouldn't and the child def knew she wouldn't!

I threw sweets out of the car window (ok that is a bit naughty on other levels). I had warned them if they didn't stop bugging me for another one that's what I would do.
They never risked it again!

Was v impressed recently when I saw a 5 year old child refuse to sit at a party tea table, after a couple of warnings the mum picked her up and they left the party! Bet she never has to do that again!

YANBU I only threaten if i am prepared to carry them out.

Ds and I were sitting next to a 2 year old (ish) who didn't want to eat his lunch in the pub today, his dad tried everything (I wasn't too impressed at him trying to force feeding him though), "eat this or you will have no pudding/no drink/ I'll take your toys away if you don't eat it", then the twonk asked him if he wanted pudding

you see i am of this same frame of mind, i dont threaten ridiculous things that i wont carry through. i say "if you continue to behave like this you will lose your tv/computer/stort time today"

my mum thinks i am too harsh

Always act on your threats, funny enough you only need to do it once.

YANBU at all.
Friends of ours are always saying to their dd "If you don't stop doing that you won't be allowed to X or Y" but when she keeps on doing whatever it is she's supposed to not do, they never deliver and she's 6 now and has them wrapped round her little finger. She doesn't even pay any attention to them now because she knows there won't be any consequences.
I have fallen foul of telling dcs that if they don't stop doing something they won't be able to go to do something they had looked forward to and then kicked myself for saying it because they've carried on doing it and I've had to follow through which has meant me missing out on it too